"Teaching each other" or "Advising each other"?

The Vietnamese King asked the player to complete the sentence: “Brothers in the family ... ... teach each other.” The player answered: “close the door,” and the Vietnamese King's answer was also “close the door” (Brothers in the family close the door to teach each other).

Here, a problem arises that is not related to the answer, but to the context: "teaching each other behind closed doors" or "telling each other behind closed doors"?

Considering both language and culture, customs and traditions, it would be more appropriate and effective to "keep things private within the family."

1. "Keep it to yourselves behind closed doors."

The proverb "Brothers and sisters in the family should settle things behind closed doors" is a variant (a more specific version) of "Closing doors to settle things" (the subject is omitted in a more open and general way).

"To tell each other" is a way of speaking that conveys advice, reminders, and instructions in a gentle manner, without any sense of superiority or inferiority.

Husband and wife are bound together in this life / In times of hunger and plenty, we will advise each other (Folk poem). If we love each other, we will tell each other / I send one message, you use another... (Folk poem). We tell each other to harvest the rice quickly / Bring it home, sort and thresh, and discuss the surplus grain (Folk poem).

"Keep it to yourselves behind closed doors," suggests resolving issues discreetly and privately (closed doors), using gentle, constructive, and equal means (talking to each other) instead of publicly and loudly. This is a familiar Vietnamese concept of behavior: "show the good, hide the bad," avoiding "exposing one's flaws to others," and "a husband's shame is a wife's shame."

2. "Teaching each other behind closed doors"

Replacing "advise" with "teach" gives the proverb a different nuance: from equality to hierarchy, from exchange to instruction. Because "teach" means to correct, to make someone understand right from wrong, it's usually used in a superior-subordinate relationship. While the relationship of "advise" and "each other" is perfectly logical and natural, "teach" and "each other" contains an inherent semantic contradiction; the advice is counterproductive. If both sides stubbornly insist they are right, and one side tries to "lecture" the other, the conflict not only remains unresolved but may even escalate, potentially turning "teaching each other behind closed doors" into "beating each other behind closed doors"!

So, why the need for "teaching each other behind closed doors"?

3. "Teaching each other" - synchronic and diachronic

Actually, the phrase "Brothers teach each other behind closed doors" wasn't coined by the King of Vietnamese Language himself.

First, the saying "Teach each other behind closed doors" is found in proverbs, ancient sayings, and family maxims (Paulus Cua Huynh Tinh, Saigon 1897). So, could the error have originated with Paulus Cua Huynh Tinh?

The answer is no.

In reality, besides its symbolic meaning of informing or telling, "bảo" can also be understood as teaching or advising, for example: "I told my child, but he didn't listen / He listened to the old man and his family is ruined" (Folk poem). Therefore, "khó bảo" (difficult to teach) is defined as "difficult to teach" in many modern Vietnamese dictionaries.

Conversely, in the past, the word "teach," besides meaning to instruct or educate, was also understood as to tell or inform. In *The Tale of Kieu*, Nguyen Du wrote: "Having come to Lam Kieu to buy jade, please tell me how much the betrothal gifts should be?"; "The sedan chair is being urged on immediately, the King instructs us to bring the wedding sedan chair to one place..." According to this, the sentence: "Please tell me how much the betrothal gifts should be?" is understood as: "Please tell me how much the betrothal gifts should be." And the sentence: "The King instructs us to bring the wedding sedan chair to one place" is understood as: "The King instructs us to bring the wedding sedan chair to one place..."

In folk songs, the line: "My dear, I have made a mistake / Please close the door and quietly teach each other," where "quietly teaching each other" means speaking to each other discreetly, "handling it internally" (to avoid embarrassing the wife and shameing the husband), not that the two sides "teach each other" with heated arguments.

As for the saying "Closing the door to teach each other," which Paulus Cua Huynh Tinh explained, it means: "Regarding right and wrong (i.e., 'right and wrong' = good and bad, correct and incorrect - HTC) within the family, according to wisdom, one should teach privately, not letting outsiders know." "Teaching privately" here is also understood as speaking privately with each other, without letting outsiders know.

***

Above, we have shown that "bảo/dạy" can mean both to inform and to teach or instruct. However, these two words are not always synonymous and cannot be used interchangeably in all cases.

In the phrase "The unruly child," "to teach" means to instruct or guide, not to tell or explain. Conversely, in "Closing the door to teach each other," "to teach" means to tell or explain, not to instruct or guide.

However, while "bảo" in the sense of teaching or instructing is still commonly used today, "dạy" in the sense of telling or informing has almost become an archaic meaning. Therefore, while the phrase "close the door and teach each other" is completely absent, "close the door and tell each other" is recorded in most reputable Vietnamese dictionaries currently in use.

Therefore, prioritizing a less frequently used historical variant and disregarding a contemporary proverb (standard, widely used) in a program exploring the Vietnamese language for the modern general public could easily lead viewers, especially the younger generation, to misunderstand the behavioral norms and core emotional nuances of the original proverb.

Hoang Tuan Cong (Contributor)

Source: https://baothanhhoa.vn/day-nhau-hay-bao-nhau-282969.htm