Why close your heart so tightly?

Some people close off their hearts after the heartbreak and pain of their first love. They are unable to accept the feelings of those who come after because they have lost faith and fear repeating the mistakes of the past.

When love blossoms - Photo: QUANG DINH

The first love is over, so why does the pain linger, haunting me endlessly?

Unforgettable first love

Being an introvert, 27-year-old Th.N. is experiencing her first love. Her boyfriend is not only a colleague but also a fellow native of Tuy An, Phu Yen, so their relationship is very close and intimate.

The wedding was set, but at the last minute, disagreements between the two families forced them to cancel the engagement. After that, although she had many opportunities, dating and romance were no longer her priority.

N. shared: "It was a huge shock for me at the time, with everything changing so suddenly. I didn't have enough confidence to start a new relationship."

Similarly, HD (32 years old, residing in District 11, Ho Chi Minh City) also admitted that his heart had "frozen" after breaking up with his first love exactly 10 years ago. According to him, his first love with a classmate blossomed in his second year of university.

D. said: "When she graduated, she went back to her hometown to start her career. While I hadn't found a job yet, and being an only child with elderly parents, I couldn't leave my family at that time. We decided to have a long-distance relationship temporarily, waiting until our jobs were stable before planning our future. We were together for almost four years, but after only a few months of a long-distance relationship, she unexpectedly cut off contact and got married."

D. was devastated and depressed for a while after that incident. Once he calmed down, he began to empathize with the woman he once loved, because everyone has their own private struggles that aren't easy to share. For the past 10 years, D. has remained single, despite his family constantly urging him to get married and have children.

Difficult to erase, but one should not sever the source of personal happiness.

Let's get through these lonely days... - Photo: QUANG DINH

Why is it that not the second or third love, but only the first love is the most unforgettable? Because it's the first love, a once-in-a-lifetime experience. The first time you feel overwhelmed with happiness when that person confesses their love; the shy, hurried hand-holding; the trembling of stroking their hair; the first clumsy but emotionally charged kiss; the first time you learn to give and share with the one you love...

Because it's the beginning of a romantic relationship, first love is always the one everyone invests the most hope and dreams in, and loves most passionately. First love is without calculation or caution; it's simply about loving and wanting to be loved.

When first love arrives, people always dream of something that will last forever. When first love ends, they still can't accept the fact that even forever has its limits.

Dr. Holly Schiff (clinical psychology specialist, USA) states: "With your first love, you'll experience many new things. Your first love also leaves lasting memories in your mind. Moreover, the chemical bonds that occur during love, such as oxytocin, the love hormone, help make those memories more vivid and beautiful."

Many other psychologists also believe that love is addictive. Evidence for this includes the activation of certain neurotransmitters when people are in love, such as endorphins, dopamine, and serotonin. This is one of the reasons why people find it difficult to forget their first love.

Because they placed too much hope in their first love, when faced with the pain of separation, many people close the door to their hearts, clinging alone to sad memories of an unfinished relationship.

People who tend to "freeze" their hearts are often melancholic, hesitant to socialize and form new relationships. They don't live in the present to build a future; instead, they remain trapped in the pain of the past, unwilling to break free.

First love often carries the hopes and desires of youth and becomes a behavioral pattern for later relationships. This easily leads to many people comparing their first love to others, and then feeling disappointed when the person who comes after doesn't meet their expectations and hopes.

Love is not at fault.

Whether it's a failure or a success, every event in life has its own value if we have a positive and optimistic outlook. Consider the heartbreak of your first love as a test and a lesson for future relationships.

To be fair, those who have experienced heartbreak, pain, and loss will be more cautious in new relationships, but they will also appreciate the happiness they find in life. They deserve happiness after disappointment and hurt.

Perhaps they chose the wrong person, acted insensitively, lacked the courage to share their desires, or perhaps their love wasn't strong enough to spend their lives together.

But after all, everyone has the right to a lasting love in their life. Keep knocking, and the door will open; keep going, and you will arrive; keep loving sincerely, and you will find true love.

Don't think that you can't love someone else!

First love is often beautiful and enchanting, but no one can be sure it will last forever. And just because you couldn't love this person doesn't mean you can't love someone else.

In everyone's life, each relationship represents a different stage and range of emotions. There are people who love you, and you love them in different ways.

Open your heart to new feelings. Smile as you look back on your first, impulsive love and the memories that have passed; you can keep them in a corner of your heart as a memento, it's as simple as that.

Only each individual can make decisions for the present, instead of dwelling on the past. First love is hard to forget, but let it all fade into the past and look towards the future.

Source: https://tuoitre.vn/sao-phai-dong-chat-trai-tim-20241228101346551.htm