12 reasons why you're still single.

Psychologists have observed that many people desperately want to fall in love or get married, but love seems to deliberately elude them.

The root cause often stems from the individuals themselves, but they don't realize it. Psychologists have compiled 12 of the most common reasons for this situation.

No prioritizing dating.

First and foremost, many people are lonely because they don't prioritize dating. They may dream of a romantic relationship but don't make time for social events, neglect those who care about them, and maintain a busy life. Work, exercise, friends, and hobbies are their top priorities, while dating is secondary. Or they simply believe, "Whatever happens, happens."

Actually, this isn't a bad thing. Some people might still accidentally meet their "soulmate" along the way, but most need a little more attention. So, perhaps it's time you started investing more in dating.

Haunted by fear

"Fear is one of the top reasons people remain single," says Myisha Battle, an American relationship and dating consultant. These fears include fear of rejection, fear of online dating, and fear of confessing feelings.

You want to prioritize dating but are afraid of many things—afraid of what others will think of you or afraid of being hurt. Sometimes, you feel safer sitting back and waiting, or you try to appear busy, focusing on yourself rather than openly admitting that you want to be in a relationship and will do everything to make it happen.

You haven't met the right person yet.

According to psychologist Carla Marie Manly, sometimes people stay single longer than they'd like simply because they haven't met the right person yet. Some of us get along with all kinds of people, while others need a certain type. For those in the latter group, they'll have to wait longer until they find someone who truly suits them.

Constantly dating the wrong people.

Some people wait forever for the right person, while others repeatedly make the wrong choices. Some reasons for making the wrong choices include: wanting a dramatic relationship rather than a healthy one; prioritizing appearance over personality; recognizing warning signs too late; and jumping into a relationship without any safety indicators.

Unrealistic expectations

According to Manly, in some cases, people fail to find love because their expectations are too high. There's nothing wrong with setting high standards for a relationship, but some people prepare long lists of qualities they want to find in a partner. These lists are so detailed that no one can meet them. After all, nobody is perfect.

There are no standards.

Conversely, some people remain single simply because they don't set high enough standards, or even any standards at all, Manly shared. The important thing is that we should still have some standards for behavior that we accept/disapprove of.

We will remain single forever if we continue to let people who cross boundaries or disrespect us into our lives, or constantly date people we are not interested in or compatible with.

They haven't learned the important skill yet.

According to Battle, some people lack the necessary skills to maintain healthy relationships. For example, if someone is always insecure in relationships, they might exhibit clingy behavior that frightens their partner. Or, if they can't resolve conflicts with a cool head, they might resort to heated arguments, making the relationship unsustainable.

Facing personal issues is not easy, but it's necessary for building healthy relationships in the future.

Stuck in the past

Some people can't move on to new relationships because they're still stuck in the past, whether it's an ex, a crush, or anything else that makes them "close off their heart."

Unhealed wounds

Besides ex-lovers, there are also unhealed wounds that prevent us from entering new relationships, according to Manly. For example, childhood experiences, unhappy families, relationships with parents... will greatly affect our behavior in adulthood. These issues make maintaining relationships much more difficult. Manly explains that when we are unaware of these emotional wounds or don't know how to "heal," we often unconsciously push people away.

Disadvantaged due to social prejudice

Battle reassures, "Being single probably isn't your fault." It can be a "minefield" for minority groups like people with disabilities or obesity. Sexism, discrimination against people with disabilities, obesity-phobia, and all sorts of other prejudices have infiltrated how people interact with each other and choose who they want to date.

Not open to modern dating culture.

Many people still yearn for the old days when people met at familiar places like churches and schools. However, online dating or dating through apps has become a popular trend. If you use dating apps thinking it's just a waste of time, you won't be able to open up to people who genuinely want to connect and chat.

You really don't want to be in a relationship.

Deep down, you simply don't want to date and could be happy living alone. We all face social pressure (especially women) about dating and marriage. Sometimes, you tell yourself you want to date, but the pressure is actually coming from outside.

We live in a society where those who can find and maintain romantic relationships are valued, and being single is seen as a failure. In such an environment, it's not surprising that many people yearn to find love and feel ashamed and insecure when they are alone, even if they don't want to be in a relationship.

So, is being single normal? Battle argues, “It’s perfectly normal to be single, whether by choice or because you haven’t found the right person.” According to a 2020 report by the Pew Research Center, about 31% of American adults are single. Another Pew report from 2017 indicated that one in seven people who have never married don’t want to get married, and 27% said they weren’t sure if they wanted to start a family. Other studies suggest the number of single people is steadily increasing.

According to VNE

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