12 Reasons Why You're Still Single

Psychologists find that many people really want to fall in love or get married, but love seems to deliberately avoid them.

The cause mostly comes from these people themselves but they do not realize it. Psychologists have compiled 12 most common reasons leading to this situation.

No priority for dating

First and foremost, many people are lonely because they don’t prioritize dating. They may dream of a relationship, but they don’t make time for social events, ignore people who care about them, and keep busy. Work, exercise, friends, and hobbies are their top priorities, and dating is secondary. Or they just take it as a given.

Actually, this is not a bad thing. Some people do happen to meet their “other half” along the way, but most of them need a little attention. So maybe it’s time to start investing more in your dating life.

Held by fear

“Fear is one of the top reasons people are single,” says Myisha Battle, an American dating and sex coach. Fears include fear of rejection, fear of online dating, and fear of expressing feelings to a partner.

You want to prioritize dating but you’re afraid of everything, of what others will think of you or of getting hurt. Sometimes it feels safer to sit back and wait or to act busy and self-centered rather than to openly admit that you want love and will do whatever it takes to make it happen.

Haven't met the right person yet.

According to psychologist Carla Marie Manly, sometimes people stay single longer than they want simply because they haven’t met the right person. Some of us get along with everyone, while others need a certain type. For the latter, it may take longer to find someone who is truly compatible with them.

Constantly dating the wrong person

Some people wait forever for the right person, but others keep making the wrong choices. Some reasons for making the wrong choices include: wanting drama over health; valuing looks over personality; recognizing red flags too late; jumping into a relationship without any safety indicators.

Unrealistic expectations

In some cases, Manly says, they fail to find a partner because their expectations are too high. There’s nothing wrong with setting high standards for a relationship, but some people prepare a long list of qualities they’re looking for in a partner. They’re so detailed that no one can meet them. After all, no one is perfect.

There are no standards.

On the other hand, some people are single because their standards aren’t high enough, or they don’t set any standards at all, Manly says. It’s important to have some standards for what you’re okay with and what you’re not okay with.

We will be single forever if we continue to let people into our lives who cross our boundaries, disrespect us, or continually date people we are not interested in or compatible with.

Not learned important skills

Some people lack the skills needed to maintain healthy relationships, according to Battle. For example, if you're someone who feels insecure in relationships, you might exhibit clingy behavior that scares your partner away. Or, if you can't resolve conflicts with a cool head, you might end up in heated arguments that can make the relationship unsustainable.

Facing personal issues is not easy, but it is necessary to form healthy relationships in the future.

Stuck in the past

Some people can't move on to a new relationship because they're stuck in the past, whether it's an ex, a crush, or anything else that's causing you to "close your heart."

Unhealed wounds

In addition to exes, there are also unresolved wounds that prevent us from entering new relationships, according to Manly. For example, childhood experiences, unhappy families, relationships with parents... will greatly influence our behavior as adults. These issues make maintaining relationships much harder. When we are not aware of our wounds or do anything to "heal them," Manly explains, we often unconsciously push people away.

Disadvantaged by social prejudice

“Being single is probably not your fault,” Battle reassures. It can be a minefield for people in minority groups like those with disabilities or those who are obese. Sexism, disability discrimination, fatphobia, and all sorts of other biases have infiltrated the way people interact with each other and choose who they date.

Not open to modern dating culture

Many people still miss the old days when people met at familiar places like churches and schools. However, online dating or dating apps have become a popular trend. If you use dating apps with the mindset that it is just a waste of time, you will not be able to open up to people who really want to connect and chat.

You really don't want to fall in love

Deep down, you simply don’t want to date and you can be happy alone. We all have social pressure (especially for women) to date and get married. Sometimes, you think you want to date, but the pressure is actually coming from outside.

We live in a society that values those who can find and maintain relationships, and that being single is seen as a failure. In such an environment, it is no wonder that many people are desperate to find love and feel ashamed and self-conscious about being single, even when they do not want to be in a relationship.

So, is it normal to be single? Battle says, “It’s perfectly normal to be single, whether by choice or because you can’t find the right person.” According to a 2020 Pew Research Center report, about 31% of American adults are single. Another 2017 Pew report found that 1 in 7 never-married adults don’t want to get married, and 27% say they’re not sure if they want to get married. Other studies suggest that the number of single people is growing.

According to VNE

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