Being set up on a blind date during Tet (Lunar New Year)

Throughout the week-long Lunar New Year holiday, Hoang Ninh, 27, from Bac Giang, was forced by her parents to attend three blind dates at home, leaving her with no way to escape.

On a normal day, she could make excuses like being sick or going on a business trip to avoid meeting and exchanging contact information with strangers. But during the Lunar New Year holiday, being stuck at home, Ninh was forced to follow her parents' arrangements and supervision.

After the blind dates, the mother didn't stop there, constantly urging her daughter to take the initiative and text him. The men she was introduced to all had stable jobs, good looks, and came from families of equal social standing.

"My precious days off turned into awkward meetings. I didn't want to open up if I was forced, so I only intended to meet once," said the accountant in Hanoi .

Hoang Ninh, 27 years old, during a coffee outing with friends in Hoan Kiem District, Hanoi, in early 2024. Photo: Provided by the subject.

Since turning 30, Nhat Anh, originally from Nghe An province and working as a technician in Ho Chi Minh City, has been constantly targeted for marriage by his parents and relatives whenever he returns home. During Tet (Lunar New Year) 2023, he was tasked with taking his mother to visit relatives and friends to offer New Year greetings, replacing his father. All the families they visited had unmarried daughters, aged 2-5 years younger than him.

Besides feeling awkward, Nhat Anh said that many of the people he was introduced to didn't match his personality, lifestyle, or educational background. He also avoided contacting them after returning home, to save time for both of them.

"Even if we were compatible in every way, if she worked in Nghe An, I would have to refuse because I couldn't give up my career to go back to my hometown. And there's no guarantee she would accept moving to Ho Chi Minh City to be with me," Nhat Anh said. This is also why this man always wants to find a girl in the same industry, with similar life views, a pleasing appearance, and working in Ho Chi Minh City to marry, instead of following his parents' arrangements.

According to a VnExpress survey, Nhat Anh and Hoang Ninh are among the 31% who dislike being set up for matchmaking. Only 20% consider it an opportunity to find a life partner. Numerous articles and videos shared on social media about young people being set up for matchmaking during Tet (Lunar New Year) have attracted much attention. Many accounts have also shared similar experiences under these posts.

According to expert Vu Thu Huong, former lecturer at Hanoi Pedagogical University, the phenomenon of being "arranged for marriage" is quite common, stemming from the anxiety of parents whose children are still unmarried, especially in the context of the rapidly increasing rate of single people in Vietnam.

According to the General Statistics Office, the average age of first marriage nationwide in 2021 was 26.2, 0.5 years higher than in 2020; this increased to 26.9 in 2022. Experts predict that by 2034, 1.5 million men will face the risk of not being able to find a wife, and this number will increase to 4 million by 2050.

Fearing her son would remain unmarried, 65-year-old Kim Ly, Nhat Anh's mother, proactively sought a daughter-in-law. Previously, she had repeatedly confided in and persuaded her son to find a girlfriend, but without success. Seeing Tet (Lunar New Year) as an opportune time, Mrs. Ly and her husband compiled a list of families in the village with unmarried daughters to connect them beforehand. "Arranging things secretly for my son isn't pleasant, but I have to try. If we let them be free, they'll still be single at 40 or 50, and their parents will be getting older," she said.

According to psychologist Nguyen Thi Minh, a lecturer at the Ho Chi Minh National Academy of Public Administration, the phenomenon of being pressured to get married and start a family is not new, and was even more severe in previous generations. However, because young people are increasingly proactive, independent, and culturally integrated, the urging of parents and those around them is considered outdated and backward.

However, constantly pressuring people to get married or arranging blind dates will "do more harm than good." Experts say that young people today face more pressure from work due to rising unemployment rates, the burden of making ends meet, or constant overtime, making them want time to rest and recharge rather than being pressured into blind dates.

"In many cases, young people may experience feelings of discomfort, stress, fatigue, conflicts with relatives, or reluctance to return home for Tet," expert Vu Thu Huong warned.

In an interview with VnExpress , Associate Professor Dr. Nguyen Duc Loc, Director of the Institute for Social Life Research, also stated that the phenomenon of young people fearing or avoiding Tet (Lunar New Year) celebrations has become common in the last 5 years.

While there haven't been any specific surveys on this phenomenon, experts believe it typically affects young people over 25. "This is the time when society begins to set expectations about marriage, salary, and economic pressure as Tet approaches, causing young people to feel anxious and seek ways to avoid these things," Mr. Loc said.

Like Hoang Ninh, she was constantly being arranged to meet potential suitors at home, which exhausted her, so she found all sorts of excuses to avoid them. Besides meeting friends, the 27-year-old woman wandered around cafes from morning until late at night, waiting for the 6th to go to Hanoi.

Tired of constantly going on blind dates, Nhat Anh frankly shared his thoughts with his mother. But instead of empathy, the two of them argued. "My mother even sulked, saying that if I didn't get married, I shouldn't come home. After working all year, I come home hoping to rest, but instead I have to come up with a thousand ways to avoid matchmaking attempts, it's exhausting," he said.

Having faced a similar situation, Thanh Tam from Thanh Hoa chose to travel during the 2024 Lunar New Year. The 29-year-old said she would return home on the evening of the 29th of the lunar month to celebrate New Year's Eve with her parents and book her trip on the morning of the 1st day of the Lunar New Year. This choice gives Tam more time for herself. She affirmed that she will get married but has not yet found a suitable partner.

To prevent young people from fearing returning home for Tet (Lunar New Year) or conflicting with their parents, expert Vu Thu Huong advises families to consider appropriate matchmaking methods. Parents should frankly express their desire to introduce potential partners to their children during Tet, but always respect their children's decisions. Young people themselves also need to actively communicate and express their thoughts instead of maintaining a negative attitude, because ultimately, parents only want what's best for their children.

"Matchmaking isn't bad, but it needs to be done at the right time and in the right circumstances. There's nothing more perfect than being reunited with family on the first day of the new year and having the good fortune to find a life partner," Ms. Huong said.

Ngoc Linh, 27, from Hai Phong, recently married a man three years her senior, introduced by her parents. Finding many similarities and compatible personalities, they tied the knot after eight months of getting to know each other.

"I'm lucky to have found the right person. The two families knew each other beforehand, which made getting to know each other, meeting each other, and getting married easier," Linh said.

Quynh Nguyen

Source: https://vnexpress.net/bi-mai-moi-dip-tet-4708911.html