The "toxic empathy" trap in the workplace.

"Toxic empathy" is a state where a person takes on all the emotional "waste," pressure, and frustration of others. Behind the facade of being a "good person doing good deeds," they silently become exhausted both mentally and physically because they have to bear the burden of hurt that doesn't belong to them.

The "emotional trash can" has no shut-off button.

Minh Ha, 27, is a graphic designer. At the office, Ha is known as a warm, gentle, and extremely good listener. Her desk is always the place colleagues turn to whenever they have a grievance. From the accountant arguing with her husband, to the Gen Z HR employee upset after being scolded by the boss, to gossip about office politics, everything is vented to Ha.

Late at lunchtime, when everyone else in the office had gone out to eat, Ha would still sit and listen to Lan, her teammate, tearfully complain about being given too much work by her boss. Because she felt so sorry for her friend, Ha not only comforted her but also proactively said, "Okay, if you're tired, just rest. Give me some of the design work for this afternoon, I'll finish it for you." As a result, Ha had to take on extra work, staying up until 2 AM to complete Lan's presentation, while Lan had already gone to sleep early.

This boundless empathy gradually drained Ha's energy. She always entered the office feeling heavy-hearted, unconsciously carrying the negative energy of the entire office with her. The situation reached its peak when a joint project encountered problems; even though the fault lay entirely with others in the operational department, Ha blamed herself, tormenting herself that her lack of support was the reason the entire team was reprimanded. Ha lost weight, suffered from chronic insomnia, and lived in constant anxiety. She didn't realize that turning herself into an unconditional "emotional trash can" didn't help her colleagues improve, but only condoned their dependence and ultimately destroyed her own health.

The manager carries the weight of the world on their shoulders.

At 36, Thuy Minh is the head of administration at a large corporation. Possessing high emotional intelligence (EQ), Ms. Minh always manages her department with empathy. She worries about her employees being stressed, afraid they might feel hurt, and always strives to create a "harm-free" environment.

Freepik illustration image

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Ms. Minh's toxic empathy is most evident in how she handles personnel violations. A subordinate employee was consistently late, submitted reports late, and was undisciplined. When she called this employee into her office for a reprimand, if the employee teared up and recounted their difficult circumstances—a sick mother, a young child—Ms. Minh immediately felt sorry for them. She put herself in their shoes, feeling their pain so deeply that she couldn't bring herself to utter a harsh reprimand.

Instead of strictly enforcing discipline according to regulations, Ms. Minh chose to... do it for them. Each time an employee submitted a report late, Ms. Minh would quietly compile the data herself, correcting every spelling error to ensure it was submitted to the Board of Directors on time, fearing the employee might have their salary deducted or lose their Tet bonus. She told herself, "I'll put in a little extra effort to help them get through this difficult period."

That blind protection lasted for a whole year. The employee became increasingly lazy, taking the boss's responsibilities for granted. Other excellent employees in the department began to resent it, feeling it was unfair that they worked hard while the less capable received preferential treatment. The administrative department fell into stagnation and internal disunity. Ms. Minh fell into a trap of her own making: she was exhausted from doing her subordinate's work and powerless because her management skills were underestimated by the Board of Directors. She had confused empathy and understanding with depriving others of their responsibility for growth.

3 tips to avoid setting your own traps.

Ultimately, the workplace is a place of work based on fairness, performance, and personal responsibility. To prevent kindness from becoming a toxic burden, each person needs to learn how to set boundaries to protect themselves:

Learn to "Understand but not take over" : When colleagues are struggling, you can listen, offer advice, or provide encouragement. But absolutely do not take responsibility for fixing their mistakes. Everyone must face and solve their own problems.

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Develop emotional filters: Understand that other people's negative emotions are their own baggage; you're not obligated to carry them for them. When you feel the conversation is starting to spiral into toxic complaining, politely decline: "I'm sorry about your situation, but I need to focus on meeting this deadline right now."

Prioritize your own energy cup: You can't pour water from an empty vessel. Before you can understand and support others, you must ensure you are stable both physically and mentally.

Colleagues suddenly become "rivals".

Source: https://phunuvietnam.vn/cai-bay-thau-cam-doc-hai-chon-cong-so-238260602205932778.htm