Amidst countless connections, why do people still feel lonely?
David Brooks is one of America's leading authors and commentators. He is a columnist for the New York Times' Perspectives section and a frequent appearance on news programs and talk shows such as PBS's "NewsHour," NBC's "Meet the Press," and NPR's "All Things Considered." He is also a lecturer at Yale University and a member of the American Academy of Arts and Sciences .
David Brooks grew up in a reserved family, rarely expressing his emotions. He was accustomed to observing, analyzing, and keeping his distance, rather than engaging in emotionally charged conversations. Despite a successful career in journalism and social commentary, he often felt awkward when others confided in him. He could analyze politics , economics, and culture, but he didn't know how to comfort someone who was grieving.
Years later, Brooks realized that understanding the world didn't mean understanding people. From then on, he began to pursue a question: what makes a person feel understood?
In recent years, numerous studies and articles have discussed the increasing prevalence of loneliness in modern society. This loneliness is evident even in places with high living standards and advanced technology. According to Brooks, the feeling of being ignored, misunderstood, or invisible to others is a significant reason why many people feel lonely.
A person may live surrounded by family, colleagues, and friends, yet still feel lost because they don't feel understood. Conversely, there are moments that bring a sense of peace simply because someone listens genuinely, without jumping to conclusions, and allows them to be themselves in that conversation.
The problem is that our society rarely teaches this. We learn math, foreign languages, vocational skills, how to use new tools, but very rarely do we learn how to listen to someone properly.
Be less judgmental to understand a person.
According to David Brooks, understanding other people isn't something you're born with. It's a skill that has to be learned and practiced.
The first thing is to stop judging too quickly. In many cases, we only see others through a few familiar labels: occupation, age, personality, role in the family, political views, or some past mistake. These labels help us categorize people very quickly, but they also make it easy to miss the most vibrant aspects of them.
Even with family, we can fall into these habits. There are couples who have lived together for decades but still don't know what the other person is really thinking, afraid of, or needing. There are parents who still see their children through the lens of their childhood, even though their children have become completely different people. Close friends can still harbor prejudices against each other without realizing it.
We often think that closeness leads to understanding. But sometimes, familiarity can lead us to believe we understand the other person completely. At that point, we stop asking questions, stop being curious, and stop paying attention to the changes happening in their lives. Meanwhile, people change every day. Behind the profession, role, or personality we assign to them, each person has a much more complex life of their own. In other words, a person is always bigger than the story we tell about them.
Besides being less judgmental, Brooks argues that understanding often begins with very ordinary conversations. Instead of just gathering information or waiting for our turn to speak, we need to learn to truly listen: listening without interrupting, without correcting mistakes, and without trying to turn someone else's story into our own.
He also encouraged open-ended questions, giving the other person a chance to share more about their experiences, rather than just answering yes or no. It is through these stories that we gradually understand what has shaped the way they think, the way they fear, and the way they hope.
To understand someone, sometimes we don't need to say anything profound. We just need enough patience to see them as a person in change, with stories yet to be told, and things they've never had the chance to say.
Source: https://baophapluat.vn/co-don-giua-thoi-dai-ket-noi.html
