Don't "abandon" each other because of your phone.

Sharing with TG&VN Newspaper on Vietnamese Family Day, Ms. To Thuy Diem Quyen* suggested that every day when returning home, family members should put down their phones and never read newspapers or browse the internet while eating...

On the occasion of Vietnamese Family Day, in an interview with TG&VN newspaper, Ms. To Thuy Diem Quyen stated that we should not let technology and the Internet negatively impact family traditions. (Photo: Provided by the interviewee)

During the 3rd session of the 15th National Assembly , while discussing the amended Law on Prevention and Control of Domestic Violence, many National Assembly deputies were deeply concerned by the statistics showing a growing number of domestic violence cases and an increasing number of women being abused by their husbands. This reflects a sad reality: family culture is facing alarming problems, going against the trend of civilization and progress. What is your perspective on this issue?

In my opinion, domestic violence has many causes. Some are societal, for example, the increasing pressures of life and family finances , or the psychological instability caused by the rise of digital devices. Other causes relate to a lack of skills and sanctions against violence, specifically the absence of laws and community oversight of violence.

However, in reality, there are still many issues regarding the perception of domestic violence. I know of a woman who was abused by her husband. When she sought help, she was told that they wouldn't interfere in her family's private affairs. Therefore, I've had women who have experienced domestic violence cry to me, saying they don't know who to turn to for protection.

When we can conduct a serious investigation into the causes of violence, we can develop solutions to limit and ultimately end it. This is not just a story for the Women's Union, but a story for all of us, and education has a responsibility in this regard.

In addition, girls need to learn how to protect themselves, for example, by setting boundaries to prevent violence early on. Learning martial arts and understanding the law are also essential skills.

So, in the era of Industry 4.0, what challenges are families facing?

As mentioned above, the digital revolution presents both opportunities and negative consequences, including increased stress for everyone. We will prefer to immerse ourselves in our phones rather than spending time communicating and sharing emotions with each other. Consequently, empathy within families diminishes, and conflicts become more frequent. Violence also increases as people lose connection with one another.

In modern times, with the availability of numerous life skills classes and pre-marital training programs, why is the divorce rate still increasing, and why are so many women still victims of domestic violence?

Learning skills doesn't automatically guarantee skills, especially if those courses are purely theoretical and lack practical experience. Regarding the increase in divorce rates, it's clear that Vietnamese society has undergone many changes. Divorce isn't necessarily negative; it could be a sign of a society no longer adhering to the strict standards that once forced women to endure suffering but fear social stigma.

"The responsibility for building a family culture rests with all members, and the old adage 'men build houses, women build homes' no longer applies. Because women now also have the responsibility of 'building houses' just like men."

I have a friend who is a very beautiful and successful MC. Her husband cheated on her, so she divorced him and went back to Hue to live with her parents. Instead of welcoming her back, her parents scolded and chased her away, believing their daughter had "ruined the family's reputation." That was 10 years ago; now, hardly anyone criticizes women who leave their husbands anymore. In fact, they even congratulate women who dare to leave a bad husband, who dare to overcome all prejudices, and who dare to live a worthy life.

Therefore, I disagree with the view that the increase in divorce rates is a negative sign for society. In fact, this number may decrease in the future. But the reason for the decrease is not because couples are happier, but because they no longer have the need to get married.

One girl said this: Did divorced couples ever love each other? Did they register their marriage? Did they have children together? They did, right? They went through all the procedures of a marriage, but still ended up divorcing. So why get married? Just stay together, and when you get tired of each other, separate without the burden. That's it!

Ms. To Thuy Diem Quyen shared that there are many negative consequences affecting family relationships, and the loss of connection stems from not nurturing each other's emotions. (Photo: Provided by the interviewee)

Some argue that, "Families today are more affluent and comfortable, but also more stressful and less stable." So, in the context of family culture education, what is each person's responsibility, in your opinion?

Depending on each family's culture, the responsibilities of each member will differ. However, family culture is an important foundation that couples need to agree upon before living together. This can be seen as a "marriage contract" in which both partners state their desires and expectations of each other and the procedures that will take place in the home.

The responsibility for building a family culture rests with all members, and the old adage "men build houses, women build homes" no longer applies. Women now also contribute to "building houses" just like men. Therefore, in a family, when the wife cooks, the husband washes the dishes. When the wife bathes the children, the husband cleans the house. These tasks shouldn't be called "the husband sharing responsibilities with his wife," but rather "shared duties."

How can we improve the quality of family culture in the context of Vietnamese families facing challenges and impacts from the digital age, according to you?

This question could become a subject of scientific research for those studying sociology, anthropology, and women's studies. Personally, as a woman working in the field of digital transformation, I deeply understand the pressures people face in the digital age.

When I went to the US to work with Microsoft engineers, they told me that we should limit children's use of digital devices. The younger the child, the more time they need to spend playing with nature and animals, and especially interacting with other people. Children must learn how to communicate in the real world to develop holistically and avoid deviance.

Many children have become addicted to digital devices, losing control and experiencing a decline in academic performance. Worse still, some children are even suicidal when deprived of their digital devices. That's the situation with children. As for adults, you've probably seen couples in romantic cafes, but instead of gazing at each other and sharing stories, each person is glued to their phone.

This consequence is a precursor to marital breakdowns. There are many other negative impacts on family relationships, stemming from a lack of emotional connection and everyone being engrossed in their phones. It's time we sat down and agreed that every day upon returning home, everyone should turn off their phone's ringer and never use their phone while eating.

Everyone should chat at the dinner table and help with household chores. On weekends, when the whole family goes out, no one should be constantly on their phone texting, reading news, or browsing Facebook. These rules need to be supported by the whole family and inspire friends.

I believe that any family that cultivates such a culture will undoubtedly increase empathy and achieve lasting connections. The positive relationships within a family need to be protected by principles that we will call "family culture."

Thank you, ma'am!

Education expert To Thuy Diem Quyen is the founder and CEO of InnEdu, and one of the 20 most inspiring women of 2021 as selected by Forbes Vietnam.

She has worked in education for 30 years in all three roles: teacher, training specialist, and owner of InnEdu, an educational business specializing in STEAM.

Expert Diem Quyen is also a lecturer in innovation programs of the Ministry of Education and Training, and a judge in local and national creative teacher competitions. She has trained over 60,000 education leaders and teachers in more than 40 provinces and cities on skills related to STEAM, the application of information technology in teaching, creative teaching methods, and creating positive motivation for students.

In 2014, she participated in the Global Education Forum in Spain, becoming the first Vietnamese person to be recognized by Microsoft as a Microsoft Innovative Educator Expert Fellow. In October 2020, InnEdu, which she founded, became Microsoft's first global training partner in Vietnam.

Source: https://baoquocte.vn/ngay-gia-dinh-viet-nam-286-dung-bo-roi-nhau-vi-chiec-dien-thoai-232515.html