Every year on June 28th, Vietnamese Family Day, the topic of showing filial piety to parents is discussed enthusiastically on various forums.
Singer Doan Truong's regret: No one takes better care of parents than their children.
In his five-story house located on Truong Dinh Street (formerly District 3), singer Doan Truong's eyes betrayed his loneliness. "I regret that during my prime, I was too busy making money from shows. My mother, at 90 years old, has never once been on an airplane. I should have spent more time with my parents," he said.
Singer Doan Truong says he regrets not spending more time with his parents.
PHOTO: PROVIDED BY THE SUBJECT
Doan Truong recounted that he grew up in poverty, working tirelessly to provide a more comfortable life for his family, and he wasn't interested in designer brands or extravagant lifestyles. During the day, he worked for a foreign company, and at night, he sang in bars, tea rooms, and nightclubs... From the old, dilapidated house with a corrugated iron roof, he bought land and built a house to show filial piety to his parents.
His father passed away in 2008, on the night of the 28th of Tet (Lunar New Year). Since then, he decided not to accept singing gigs during Tet anymore, but instead stayed home to commemorate his father's death anniversary, light incense at the ancestral altar, and help his mother and sister clean the house and prepare for Tet. In the last five years of his mother's life, Doan Truong requested early "retirement," dedicating himself entirely to caring for her.
Explaining his early "retirement," he said he couldn't find a suitable caregiver for his mother. His mother had worked hard her whole life for him, and he wanted to take care of her himself to show his filial piety. At that time, his mother was over 90 years old, suffering from weak bones and joints, unable to care for herself, and with several underlying health conditions: high blood pressure, diabetes, etc.
"I hired a housekeeper, but they only did housework, cleaning, and ironing. The housekeeper couldn't replace my sister and me. My sister and I cleaned, fed, and gave Mom her medicine together. In 2022, my mother passed away due to old age; she died in my arms," Đoan Trường shared.
Is it unfilial for a child to hire someone to care for their parents?
But in reality, not everyone can be by their parents' side to take care of them like singer Doan Truong. Nguyen Nha Khoa currently lives and works in Shizuoka ( Japan ). For her, taking care of her parents when they are sick is a responsibility, something she does to the best of her ability, fulfilling her filial duty.
She said, "Before getting married, I gave all the money I had to my parents. After getting married, whenever my parents needed anything, my husband and I were always ready to help. Once, my mother showed signs of a stroke, and since I was far away, I could only do what I could to help her, like finding ways to help her lose weight. I hired someone to do yoga for her, and I helped her with her diet…"
Teacher Vo Anh Triet with his mother
PHOTO: PROVIDED BY THE SUBJECT
Speaking from the perspective of a teacher and a son, Mr. Vo Anh Triet, an English teacher at the Viet Anh Foreign Language Center (Le Van Sy Street, Nhieu Loc Ward, Ho Chi Minh City), shared his opinion on whether hiring someone to care for parents is unfilial, depending on how it unfolds. "Hiring someone, paying them, and leaving them to their care without close contact, inquiry, or monitoring their situation is unfilial. However, if you hire someone to care for your parents without neglecting them, then it's something worthwhile and commendable," he said.
Professor Triet analyzed that if children have good jobs but dedicate all their time to their parents, their careers can easily decline, they become distracted, and they risk losing their jobs. Conversely, hiring someone to care for parents allows them time to work, earn money, provide for their parents' needs, medicine, and living conditions, which is a worthwhile and filial act.
"Professional caregivers understand the elderly, have knowledge of elderly care, and sometimes become closer to them than their own children," said Mr. Triet.
In addition, he said that a good nursing home is another excellent option. Parents will live in a space with people of the same generation, receiving adequate and proper nutritional, medical , and recreational care.
"In reality, children can hardly take care of their parents as well as reputable nursing homes. I think if children truly love their parents, find suitable caregivers, and visit them regularly, that is very filial and commendable," Mr. Triet expressed his opinion.
Having worked as a patient caregiver for 16 years, Nguyen Hoang Lam (from Ben Tre) said that, for him, filial impiety is when parents feel lonely while their children are still alive but fail to give them the necessary care. Lam underwent training at Thong Nhat Hospital to acquire basic knowledge: measuring blood pressure, bathing, suctioning phlegm, and how to prevent bedsores in bedridden patients…
Mr. Lam once cared for a 72-year-old man in the Thai An apartment building (Phan Huy Ich Street, An Hoi Tay Ward, Ho Chi Minh City) during the Covid-19 pandemic for 17 months. "In the city, even if children take time off, they can only take 5 or 10 days at most to care for their parents. Paying someone to care for their parents isn't cheap either; children have to work hard to earn that money. In many cases, children take long breaks from work to care for their parents, but lacking patience and skills, the care becomes burdensome, and they say or do things that aren't right…," he said.
Source: https://thanhnien.vn/con-thue-nguoi-cham-care-cha-me-la-bat-hieu-185260627150234817.htm
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