Jealousy is a timeless issue. But how can one be jealous in a civilized way to keep their loved one and, most importantly, without breaking the law? This is a topic that has been widely discussed following recent sensational cases of jealousy that have drawn public attention and sparked much debate.
Love needs to be nurtured through connection and sharing, not through jealousy - Photo: Q. DINH
With the added influence of social media, jealousy, a topic not new, easily becomes a subject of discussion. Dr. Pham Thi Thuy, a sociologist and psychotherapist (lecturer at the National Academy of Public Administration in Ho Chi Minh City), spoke with Tuoi Tre newspaper about this issue. Dr. Thuy said:
Jealousy is a perfectly natural psychological mechanism in humans.
The need for attachment, the desire to belong to someone, to have someone belong to you, is something everyone has from a young age. Even as children, people don't want to share or lose someone important to them.
This is an instinctive defense mechanism, especially in love with its deep, intimate connection. And because we love, we always want that person to be exclusively ours, making jealousy even more intense.
Dr. Pham Thi Thuy
Learn to control it, learn to communicate, to be jealous in a civilized way.
* Civilized jealousy is probably not a new topic, as it has been discussed many times before. In your opinion, what kind of jealousy is considered civilized?
Dr. Pham Thi Thuy
- It's true that when you're jealous, instincts become very strong and it's difficult to control your emotions. But it's entirely possible to train yourself to be jealous in a civilized way.
First, learn emotional control skills and improve your emotional intelligence to recognize jealousy, develop the self-control to stop acting on instinct, and avoid losing your reason or being swept away by jealousy. This step is crucial because if you fail to do this, anyone will easily lose control of their emotions and behavior.
Next, you need to know how to communicate. A third party won't just appear out of nowhere if there are no problems in the relationship between the two of you. Therefore, you need to be able to talk to your spouse or partner.
Talking helps both sides understand each other better, stay calm, behave appropriately, avoid jealousy and resentment, and handle problems more rationally, rather than letting anger cloud their judgment.
Some people are jealous because of delusions, constantly speculating and imagining. Frankly, women are more prone to this. This easily fuels jealousy, making it stronger and more impulsive, so each person needs to remind themselves to avoid overthinking and to prioritize evidence over facts in their relationship.
It's important to consider your own relationship; if it's going well, how can anyone interfere? Of course, there are cases where a third party intentionally tries to sabotage someone else's relationship or marriage. But let's reiterate that first and foremost, if there isn't instability within the relationship itself, it won't easily create opportunities for someone else.
Re-evaluate your own relationships.
* As you just said, sometimes it's due to imagination and unfounded jealousy. But there are also people who are obsessively jealous; how should we handle that situation?
- Pathological jealousy can be a symptom of a mental disorder, where one cannot use reason or conventional methods to balance emotions, easily leading to harmful behavior towards oneself and others. This case requires examination and treatment by professionals such as psychiatrists.
For anyone in this situation, I advise against self-diagnosing based solely on information read elsewhere or "advice from Doctor Google." Don't be complacent, as the consequences can be very dangerous. Even a psychologist may not be able to intervene effectively; a collaboration between a psychiatrist and a psychologist is necessary.
But feelings are hard to force. Is it necessary to cling on when fidelity in love is no longer intact?
As mentioned, a third party usually comes between two people when the relationship is already strained. When the two people involved can no longer connect or talk to each other, they need the support of trusted people like parents, friends, or close relatives.
If all efforts fail to salvage the situation, both need to re-evaluate whether they still love each other. When the love is truly gone, breaking up is a civilized way to handle the situation, not driven by jealousy or an attempt to cling on.
Keep yourself happy.
* Prevention is better than cure, as the saying goes. Is there a way to prevent toxic jealousy?
- Most importantly, we must nurture love within our relationship and marriage. This means not only nurturing the love between husband and wife, but also cultivating love in our hearts to maintain fidelity. We must maintain mutual respect and connection so that when problems arise, we can sit down, talk, and solve them together.
Family values are especially important. Adultery, jealousy, and divorce are increasingly common consequences of neglecting family values, which are the most important bonds in Vietnamese society. The dangerous consequence is that many young people, seeing the unstable reality of family relationships, are hesitant to marry or marry late.
Vietnamese family values are sacred and need to be preserved. Overemphasizing individual ego can lead to a reluctance to marry, and even increase the likelihood of divorce.
In my years of experience as a psychologist, I've observed that infidelity, divorce, and late marriages all stem, to varying degrees, from underestimating the value of family. Many people suffer greatly after divorce, facing difficulties, experiencing a decline in mental health, and becoming victims of their own actions.
Source: https://tuoitre.vn/muon-ghen-van-minh-cung-phai-hoc-20250306101952478.htm
Comment (0)