"Your bag - my bag" and sharing

In modern life, couples have many different ways of managing their family finances. Among them, many families choose to adopt a financially independent approach. While this approach may seem "equal" at first glance, allowing spouses to be proactive in spending, if there is a lack of sharing, transparency, and empathy, the "my pocket, your pocket" principle can easily lead to conflict.

Ms. Nguyen Thi Chi shared her thoughts on financial independence in marriage.

Ms. Nguyen Thi Chi and her husband (Long Phu commune, Can Tho city) have agreed on a financial management system where each person keeps their own separate spending money but both contribute to a common family fund. According to Ms. Chi, the important thing is not who holds the money, but transparency and agreement to avoid comparisons and suspicions.

Sharing the same view, Mr. Tran Quoc Minh (Phu Loi Ward, Can Tho City) believes that keeping finances separate is not about "distance" but about respecting personal space. Previously, pooling all expenses together led to conflicts between him and his wife, and they felt controlled. Now, each person has their own separate expenses, and for major expenses and savings, they discuss and agree on how to use them when needed.

Speaking about household spending, Mr. Tran Viet Hung (Soc Trang Ward, Can Tho City) shared that he and his wife used to manage their own expenses separately, but felt a lack of connection. Afterward, they switched to using a joint account to allocate expenses together.

Meanwhile, Ms. Pham Thuy Linh (My Xuyen Ward, Can Tho City) believes that marital finances need to be flexible according to each stage of life. When they had young children, she and her husband switched to managing finances by goals such as tuition fees, savings, and living expenses. Depending on their financial capabilities, the couple divides the expenses, with each person responsible for certain costs.

In reality, finances are one of the most common causes of family conflict. When money is clearly divided into "his" and "hers," expenses such as living costs, rent, and responsibilities in case of emergencies easily become a source of pressure and arguments. If each person only protects their own interests, the marriage easily turns into a calculation of gains and losses. However, financial independence in many cases helps each person be more proactive, reduce dependence, and increase a sense of security against risks. Nevertheless, "independence" here does not mean "separation." Even with financial independence, there must still be connection and sharing in fulfilling family responsibilities; only then will "financial independence" not become a source of pressure.

According to psychologist Ly Thi Dao, head of the School Counseling Department at the Pedagogical Practice School, the important thing in managing marital finances is not about "joining" or "separating," but about transparency and mutual agreement between the two. Currently, many couples choose the "three-part" model: a joint fund for essential expenses and long-term goals, and two separate funds for each person to manage their personal spending. This approach helps ensure independence while maintaining shared responsibility within the family.

According to Ms. Dao, open and honest communication about money plays a crucial role. Avoiding financial issues easily leads to misunderstandings, while planning together, sharing goals, and agreeing on spending principles will help reduce conflict and increase trust. Furthermore, empathy is also very important when income and financial responsibilities are not balanced between the two people. If the emphasis is too much on "each person for themselves," it can easily cause hurt and create distance. Conversely, prioritizing common interests will make the marriage more stable. "Financial transparency is the way to build trust in the family," Ms. Dao affirmed.

Sharing, transparency, and mutual agreement will eliminate the "my pocket - your pocket" divide and instead unite both partners towards a common goal. Because after all, money can be divided, but family happiness is only sustainable when built on trust and companionship.

Text and photos: KIM NGỌC

Source: https://baocantho.com.vn/-tui-anh-tui-em-va-su-se-chia-a204661.html