Renovating the house is like renovating the way you love.

The story of Mr. T. and Ms. S.'s house renovation, as shared by Ms. S. over a cup of coffee, is more than just about house repairs. Behind her story and sigh, we can reflect on how each couple builds their family home together with respect and equality.

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Renovate your home, renovate the way you love.

Thirty years of marriage, Ms. S. never imagined she would one day take the initiative to renovate their old house – the place where she and her husband had built up their lives during their most difficult times. The house wasn't large, but it was built with the savings of two poor civil servants over many years. From a small, simple one-story house to two stories, then three stories – all marking milestones in their married life.

Mr. T, her husband, is a cautious and thrifty man. His higher income means he's been the one handling the major expenses for years. She, earning only half as much, dedicates herself to raising the children, caring for the family, and providing for their daily needs. Whenever they build or renovate the house, she quietly stays behind, letting her husband make all the decisions. From choosing the tiles and paint colors to match his feng shui and aesthetic taste, to selecting the kitchen cabinets and doors, everything is chosen by him, with the belief that everything must be sturdy and durable.

This time, having just retired and receiving a substantial pension, she wanted to renovate her living space herself – not to deny what she already had, but as a way to refresh her home, making it more comfortable for her old age and for when her children and grandchildren come to gather. But when she started sharing her ideas, choosing tile colors, kitchen cabinet styles, redesigning the interior... the renovation turned into a series of heated arguments.

Mr. T. wanted to keep what was familiar: the heavy, time-worn wooden doors, the bulky cupboard, the peeling tile floor. Partly because he didn't want to waste anything, and partly because it was "memory," the "result of a lifetime of saving." His wife, on the other hand, simply wished for a more modern, brighter, cleaner, and tidier space—a place where she could read a book, drink tea, and enjoy the morning light by the window every morning, and where she could relax on the sofa watching TV every evening. Or a place where she could gather with her children and grandchildren, cook meals, and arrange flowers in the kitchen, with its bright, clean walls and ceiling, free from musty smells and stubborn stains.

Everyone has their own reasons; no one is wrong, and no one is truly right. But for years, her voice on important matters has seemingly never been heard. And now, when she wants to be heard and have a say in decisions, she's unconsciously hampered by her husband's old, somewhat conservative habits, as he's accustomed to being the decision-maker.

Ms. S.'s story is not uncommon in many families. We often talk about gender equality through rigid laws. But in reality, sometimes it starts with simple things like this: should a wife have the right to choose the paint color in the very house she has lived in her whole life?

Respect and listening, seemingly easy, are sometimes absent in the most intimate situations. This isn't due to anyone deliberately trying to dominate, but rather because long-standing habits silently create distance, leaving behind silent sadness, loneliness, and a sense of alienation for a woman in her own home.

But it is precisely during such times that both husband and wife reflect on their own egos, discuss and debate to understand, empathize with, and share each other's perspectives and preferences in order to reach a consensus. I believe that love isn't about who is right or wrong, but about whether we are open-minded enough to understand each other, even if it's just about a tile color, a kitchen cabinet, a mirror, or a new set of doors.

From the outside, it's just a house renovation. But for those involved, it's an opportunity to reflect on themselves, to relearn how to love each other in a more mature and respectful way. So that at the end of the marriage, it's not just two old, worn-out souls, but the beginning of a new life in a new home, both in terms of paint color and the harmony in enjoying life after years of struggling and toiling.

Huong Giang
Thai Binh City

Source: https://baothaibinh.com.vn/tin-tuc/9/225604/chuyen-sua-nha-sua-cach-yeu-thuong