Learn to love yourself so you can truly love your child.
Over a decade ago, I had what I thought was a perfect family. At that time, I was a devoted wife, wholeheartedly loving my husband and considering him my whole world . We lived peacefully, without much conflict, until the day I discovered my husband was having an affair and wanted a divorce to be with another woman.
That shock brought me to my knees. I did everything I could, using all my patience and effort to save the marriage, not only out of love but also because I longed to provide my children with a complete and loving home. But when all my efforts failed, I understood that I couldn't keep someone who was determined to leave.
The moment I signed the divorce papers, I faced a life-or-death choice for the future of my three children and me: either continue living in resentment, or accept reality to find peace. I told myself that if I continued to harbor a desire for revenge or nurture hatred, my soul would never find peace, and my children would be the ones who suffered the most. I chose to let go and focus entirely on building a new life.
After the divorce, I realized I had neglected myself for too long. I started to change, no longer the woman who silently sacrificed herself. I learned to "indulge" my own emotions: spending time with friends, traveling , and taking better care of myself. When I felt happy, optimistic, and full of energy, I had the strength to pass that positivity on to my children.
The most difficult thing, but also what I'm most proud of, is how I treat my ex. Many people are surprised to see that I can still communicate normally with my ex-husband about schoolwork or picking up and dropping off the children. I don't know if I've completely forgiven him, but I choose not to hold a grudge so that I don't have to live in misery.
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In front of my children, I have never spoken ill of their father. I always acknowledge the good things he has done for them, such as buying clothes or paying tuition fees, so that they will always maintain respect for their father. I believe that a divorce is just a matter between the two adults, and the children's love for both their paternal and maternal families must remain intact.
Therefore, even though it might put my children at a disadvantage compared to their peers in terms of grades, I am determined not to send them to extra classes on weekends. I want to dedicate that time to their father picking them up, so they can fully enjoy the love and attention from their paternal family. I don't want to "keep" my children all to myself, and I don't want my children, after a divorce, to only know their maternal family and forget their paternal roots.
Happiness is a choice.
My two children grew up confident and at ease. They don't feel insecure at all when talking about their parents' divorce. My daughter can innocently tell her friends that she lives with her mother, or casually brag about her father's new family without any shame.
Even more admirable, my children love their half-siblings as if they were their own flesh and blood. Although that woman was once the reason my family was torn apart, I chose not to pass that hatred on to my children. When they came to live with their father and were treated kindly, they naturally developed affection for their half-siblings.
Seeing my children grow up healthy, mentally strong, and full of kindness, I know I've been on the right track. They often tell me, "Mom, you're so happy." They see me working with good colleagues, enjoying my travels, and they even encourage me to find a new partner if I want to.
My life with my two children may not be "perfect" by societal standards, but it's always full of laughter and understanding. I've realized that a happy family doesn't necessarily need to have all its members; what's important is that each member feels content and confident with what they have.
I navigated the heartbreak with positive energy and optimism. I chose not to let the severe psychological trauma haunt my children's childhoods. Instead of giving them a home filled with arguments and resentment, I gave them a happy mother and a living environment full of compassion.
If someone were to ask me about the secret to weathering storms, I would simply say: Love yourself first, let go of the shackles of hatred, and believe that happiness is always within our grasp, if only we have the courage to choose it. Because when a mother is at peace, the world of her children will forever be vibrant and beautiful.
Source: https://phunuvietnam.vn/dien-dan-thang-6-hanh-phuc-khong-nam-o-mot-gia-dinh-tron-238260607092257673.htm
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