Don't take away the fatherhood of husbands.

Illustration: DANG HONG QUAN

There are also wives who demand ultimate power in raising their children, thereby taking away their husband's role as a father and distancing him from their children.

Writer Hoang Anh Tu expressed his views in an online discussion with the topic of Raising independent children in a pampered world , organized by Women's Publishing House on the evening of June 28, on the occasion of Vietnamese Family Day.

Hoang Anh Tu, author of many books on marriage and child-rearing, has spoken out to suggest that wives should not "deprive" their husbands of the right to be fathers.

Don't fight over children with husbands.

Author Hoang Anh Tu said that men today are very different from the past. There are many fathers in parent-teacher conferences, and they even actively participate in the parent-teacher association. During the past few exam days, we saw many fathers taking their children to the exam, and then every day they take their children to school.

According to Mr. Tu, many mothers sometimes take away their husbands' rights as fathers by saying things like: "You stay home to look after the children, but you leave them like that, how dirty?" or "You give your children soda again."

The perfectionism and over-doing of many wives has deprived many husbands of their fatherhood, making them accept being clumsy fathers, taking a back seat, and then women beat their chests and say men are heartless, men are like this and like that.

"We are not heartless, but we cannot express our opinions. When we express our opinions, they are suppressed, so men think it's better to avoid the elephant than to lose face. When the children ask something, the father pushes them: Go ask your mother. If she later objects, the father will be very embarrassed," Mr. Tu shared.

Mr. Tu even mentioned that there are women who are "extremely tactless". Like the case where the father agreed to let his child go somewhere but the mother said "No, who will let him go, in this house who has more power?" This has pushed the relationship between father and child further away.

Meanwhile, men also bear a lot of gender stereotypes like men have to be this, that, too much pressure. They hope that when they come home, they don't have to strain themselves to be a great man like they do outside, but have the right to play with their children, be clumsy with their children.

Mr. Tu earnestly said: "I hope you will give us the right to be fathers, don't take away our rights. Please help us become national fathers with your encouragement."

Thanks for a father's warning

Listening to the confession of a husband demanding fatherhood, Ms. Khuc Thi Hoa Phuong - director of Women's Publishing House - expressed understanding.

She acknowledged that many mothers are taking on the challenge of raising their children alone. Ms. Hoa Phuong herself had a similar personal experience to Mr. Tu.

When her child was small, Mrs. Hoa Phuong once entrusted her child to her husband to take care of. But her husband, who liked to watch football, shouted loudly, causing the child, who was learning to sit, to fall and hit his head on the floor. Feeling sorry for her child, Mrs. Hoa Phuong quickly scolded her husband for being heartless and not knowing how to take care of the child.

Although it happened a long time ago, Ms. Hoa Phuong was still startled when she heard Mr. Hoang Anh Tu share his story. She believes that there are many Vietnamese mothers like her, taking on all the responsibility of raising their children.

Thanks to Mr. Hoang Anh Tu for warning about mothers interfering in fathers' parenting, Ms. Hoa Phuong advises mothers to let go of child-rearing so that their husbands can also take care of their children and have the right to be fathers. This also helps mothers gradually escape the prejudice of "bad children are the mother's fault, bad grandchildren are the grandmother's fault".

Sharing about these things, Ms. An Nguyen - a single mother - also shared this story. She said she had been divorced for 10 years and two years ago she gave her fatherhood to her ex-husband.

The story of fathers being "deprived of their rights" is also another side of the story of caring for and raising children in a family, when there is no shortage of fathers who have not fulfilled their responsibilities, pushing all the responsibility of caring for and raising children onto the mother; or vice versa, taking full authority in raising children, deciding on their children's education...

Therefore, if they share the roles, the husband and wife will certainly be less overloaded and understand each other better, together feeling the "sweet fruit" in their child's journey of growth.

Must learn to be a parent for life

For both father and mother to take on the responsibility of raising their children well, according to author Hoang Anh Tu, parents must learn to be parents throughout their lives. Building a family is a care and cultivation of both father and mother, and each parent must grow up with their children, must change with their children, instead of thinking that they do not need to learn anything more.

Having had many opportunities to work with the Department of Children, Mr. Hoang Anh Tu still remembers the words shared by the director, Dang Hoa Nam, that when looking at Vietnamese children, he only wished that Vietnamese parents could attend a parenting class.

Ms. Ngo Thi Thu Ngan - Deputy Director of Women's Publishing House - strongly agrees with this. She still remembers that American psychologist Thomas Gordon in his book Learning to be an Effective Parent said it was absurd that we learn to swim, learn to ride a bicycle, ride a motorbike... but most of us become parents by instinct without learning anything.

Source: https://tuoitre.vn/dung-tuoc-quyen-lam-cha-cua-cac-ong-chong-20240630102925564.htm