Don't take away the fatherhood rights of husbands.

Illustration: DANG HONG QUAN

Additionally, there are wives who demand ultimate authority in raising their children, inadvertently stripping their husbands of their fatherly role and distancing them from their children.

Writer Hoang Anh Tu shared his views during an online panel discussion on the topic "Raising Independent Children in a Spoiled World ," organized by the Women's Publishing House on the evening of June 28th, in celebration of Vietnamese Family Day.

Hoang Anh Tu, the author of several books on marriage and parenting, has urged wives not to "take away" their husbands' right to be fathers.

Don't fight over children with your husband.

Author Hoang Anh Tu says that men today are very different from those of the past. Parent-teacher meetings have many fathers, and they even actively participate in parent committees. During the recent exam period, we saw many fathers taking their children to the exams, and then they drive their children to and from school every day.

According to Mr. Tú, many mothers occasionally strip their husbands of their paternal rights with statements like, "You're supposed to be home looking after the child, but you leave the child like that, look how dirty it is!" or "Giving the child soda again?"

The excessive perfectionism and meticulousness of many wives have deprived many husbands of their fatherly duties, forcing them to accept being clumsy fathers, stepping back, and then the women themselves lamenting that men are heartless, and so on.

"We're not heartless, but we can't voice our opinions. When we do, we get crushed, so men think it's better to avoid trouble than to lose face. When children ask questions, fathers push the responsibility onto them: 'Go ask your mother.' If she objects afterward, the father will be very embarrassed," Mr. Tú shared.

Mr. Tú even mentioned some women who are "extremely tactless." For example, a father might agree to let his child go somewhere, but the mother says, "No, who's going? Who has more authority in this house?" This has strained the relationship between father and child.

Meanwhile, men also bear a lot of gender stereotypes, such as the pressure that men should be this way or that way. They long for the day when they get home, when they no longer have to strain to be a grand man like they are outside, but can instead play with their children and be silly with them.

Mr. Tú earnestly pleaded: "We hope that you ladies will allow us the right to be fathers, don't take that right away from us. Please help us become exemplary fathers through your encouragement."

Thank you for the alert, a father.

Listening to the heartfelt story of a husband demanding his right to fatherhood, Ms. Khuc Thi Hoa Phuong, director of the Women's Publishing House, expressed her understanding.

She acknowledged that many mothers are taking on the responsibility of raising their children alone. Ms. Hoa Phuong herself has had a similar personal experience to what Mr. Tu shared.

When her child was young, Mrs. Hoa Phuong once entrusted him to her husband's care. However, her husband, who preferred watching football, shouted so loudly that the child, who was just learning to sit, was startled and fell, hitting his head on the floor. Heartbroken, Mrs. Hoa Phuong quickly scolded her husband for being careless and not knowing how to take care of their child.

Although it happened a long time ago, hearing Mr. Hoang Anh Tu's story still startled Mrs. Hoa Phuong. She believes that many Vietnamese mothers are like her, shouldering all the responsibilities of raising their children.

Thank you, Mr. Hoang Anh Tu, for raising the alarm about mothers interfering in fathers' parenting. Ms. Hoa Phuong advises mothers to learn to let go of their responsibilities in raising children so that their husbands can also participate in childcare and have the right to be fathers. This will also help mothers gradually break free from the prejudice that "a child's misbehavior is the mother's fault, a grandchild's misbehavior is the grandmother's fault."

Sharing her thoughts on these matters, An Nguyen, a single mother, also shared this sentiment. She said she divorced 10 years ago and two years ago relinquished paternity rights to her ex-husband.

The issue of fathers being "deprived of their rights" is another aspect of the story of childcare and upbringing in a family, where there are many fathers who fail to fulfill their responsibilities, shifting all childcare and education responsibilities to the mother; or conversely, taking complete control over their children's upbringing and deciding their education...

Therefore, if they share the roles, the husband and wife will likely be less overwhelmed and understand each other better, and together they will enjoy the "sweet fruits" of their child's growth journey.

Learning to be a parent is a lifelong process.

According to author Hoang Anh Tu, for both parents to effectively raise their children, they must learn how to be parents throughout their lives. Building a family is a nurturing and cultivating effort by both parents, and each parent must grow with their children, changing along with them instead of assuming they don't need to learn anything more.

Having worked with the Department of Children on many occasions, Mr. Hoang Anh Tu still vividly remembers the words of Director Dang Hoa Nam, who said that when he looked at Vietnamese children, he only wished that Vietnamese parents could attend a parenting class.

Ms. Ngo Thi Thu Ngan, deputy director of the Women's Publishing House, strongly agrees with this. She recalls that American psychologist Thomas Gordon, in his book "Effective Parenting," stated that it's absurd that we learn to swim, ride bicycles, motorbikes, etc., but most parents act instinctively rather than through formal training.

Source: https://tuoitre.vn/dung-tuoc-quyen-lam-cha-cua-cac-ong-chong-20240630102925564.htm