Parents need to be listened to too

Society often talks about the need for parents to listen to their children, sympathize and understand the modern problems of young people. However, few people care or understand the silent pressures of modern times and the need for parents to care and share.

"Bracing" in silence

The pressure of modern parents is not only economic . It is also the dual responsibility of raising children and caring for elderly parents, while they themselves are entering their twilight years with many worries about health, retirement, loneliness...

At nearly 50 years old, Ms. Ngoc Lan - an office worker in Ho Chi Minh City, still regularly takes her grandchild to school in the morning, and after work in the afternoon, she goes to the market, cooks, cleans and takes care of her elderly mother with poor health. Her two children both work, but still live together because they are not yet able to afford to live separately. "Sometimes I just wish I could have a real day off: not having to worry about eating, cleaning the house, not having to answer the phone. But if I say it, I'm afraid the kids will think I'm complaining and annoying," she laughed, her eyes slightly red.

It's not that Lan isn't loved. Her children still provide her with financial support and gifts during the holidays. But what she lacks are seemingly simple things: a deep and sincere conversation, a few timely questions, or just for her children to realize that mom gets tired too, needs to rest, go out and have fun…

Meanwhile, Mr. Minh Quan, 42 years old, is a bridge engineer, whose job often requires him to travel far away, and has another pressure. With two children in elementary school, a wife who is self-employed and has an unstable income, the entire burden of the family's economic life falls on his shoulders. However, that burden is not always shared.

“Once I came home from a business trip, as soon as I saw my child, I wanted to hug and kiss him, but he avoided me, saying he hated me, that I was always frowning, that I was never happy,” Minh Quan shared and confided: “I didn't want to be so grumpy with my child, I was just too tired.” He said that during the days at the construction site, he couldn't even sleep for 4 hours, and was rushed by the investor and pressured by his partners. When he had a chance to come home, everything big and small seemed to fall on him: from changing light bulbs, fixing clogged faucets to attending parent meetings… “I felt like a pillar supporting the sky, but every pillar eventually cracks,” Quan said.

Parents and children share simple things in life that bring family togetherness. Photo: DUNG PHUONG

Parents, especially fathers, are often expected to be strong, to take on the burden, and not to complain. But that silence is very dangerous. They are expected to be the support for the whole family, while few people understand and share, because they are also human beings with many worries and fatigue.

Parents need a place to lean on too.

In modern society, parenting skills classes and parenting books are appearing more and more. But few people ask the opposite question: do children need to listen to their parents or who will teach children how to listen and understand their parents?

Many young people today have a sense of independence and care about their own mental health, which is very valuable. However, in the journey of caring for their “inner child”, they forget that their parents may have been hurt, with their own dreams and unfulfilled desires.

“Most parents do not need their children to support them, but they need their children to understand them” - that is the comment of a psychologist when consulting a student about the relationship with their parents. According to this expert, understanding is actually not too complicated. A hug, a meal cooked for parents, an afternoon when the child invites the parents to a coffee shop to ask about their near and far..., sometimes those small things are precious drops of water to cool the souls that seem to have withered because of the burden of the parents.

Parent-child relationships are different in each era: different languages, backgrounds, environments, spaces, and even rhythms of life; but differences do not mean distance. It is necessary for each member of the family to learn to see each other as independent people, with wounds, pressures, and gaps unnamed.

Children may not need to shoulder the burden for their parents, but they can be their companions. Just as children used to expect their parents to listen to them when they were sad or disappointed about something, now it is their parents' turn to need someone to slow down and listen to them talk about a sad day, about their dreams, about old friends or simply about an unspoken pain. A hug, a look of sharing, a phone call… the lesson of listening is never just for one side. In the family, if everyone is willing to open up, speak the truth and listen honestly, then connection and sharing will always have a way to return.

Today, before you leave home for work, try stopping by to ask your mother, “Did you sleep well?” Or at night, sit next to your father and watch TV in silence with him. You might find that beneath that silence is a heart that has not been touched for too long. And who knows, what our parents need most from us is not brilliant success or fancy words of thanks, but something very old: a sincere presence.

HOANG MY

Source: https://www.sggp.org.vn/cha-me-cung-can-duoc-lang-nghe-post802640.html