Helping our children overcome difficulties...

Children who unfortunately grow up in families lacking a parent often suffer significant emotional trauma. However, if one parent is strong enough, the child can still learn selflessness, transforming their disability into motivation to excel in their studies and personal growth.

Present but not accompanying

Born into a well -off family, sent to an international school, and provided with expensive designer clothes and shoes, MQ (an 8th-grade student residing in Hoa Hung Ward, Ho Chi Minh City) became increasingly withdrawn and quiet as she grew older. Entering adolescence with its many psychological and physiological changes, MQ became accustomed to a life where she and her mother were always together, going everywhere and doing everything alone.

Every day after school, the only person who asks how MQ is doing is her mother. On weekend afternoons, her mother takes MQ wandering around supermarkets and shops. When MQ is sick, has conflicts with friends, or has poor grades, only her mother is there to comfort her. From daily meals and sleep to bigger things like choosing a school and career path, her mother is always there. MQ still lives with her father, still eats dinner with him, but communication between father and daughter is limited to a few brief questions: "How's school?", "Do you have any money left?"...

In MQ's mind, the image of a father is one of busyness, exhaustion, eyes glued to a phone screen, unable to attend parent-teacher meetings at the beginning of the school year or receive his child's end-of-year awards due to a demanding work schedule.

Taking children to school is also a time for them to be close to their parents. (Photo: HOANG HUNG)

Unlike MQ, KC's parents (a 6th-grade student residing in Hanh Thong Ward, Ho Chi Minh City) divorced when she had just finished 4th grade. The court ruled that KC would live with her mother, but because her mother soon had a younger brother with her second husband, KC lived with her mother and stepfather during the week, and her father picked her up on weekends to stay with his family. Although she was cared for alternately by both parents, her mother was busy taking care of the younger child, and her father only took her out to play and shop for clothes on weekends, so KC became accustomed to being alone.

KC has her own bedroom in both her parents' and her father's houses, but no one to sleep with. Every day, a motorbike taxi driver near her mother's house takes her to and from school. Aunts and uncles from both sides of the family occasionally take KC out to play and give her gifts, but she no longer feels the same complete joy as when her parents lived together. KC's only companion every night before bedtime is the teddy bear her grandmother bought her for her sixth birthday.

Increase connectivity

Images of families like MQ and KC's are becoming increasingly common. Under the pressure of making ends meet, fathers and mothers are consumed by work, and while social relationships expand, the consequence is that time spent with family, especially with children, is decreasing. According to Dr. Vo Thi Tuong Vy, lecturer at the Psychology Department, Ho Chi Minh City University of Education, more than 40% of children aged 6-18 currently have psychological problems due to various reasons, such as academic pressure, lack of sharing from adults, lack of a safe space, and not knowing how to express emotions…

Returning to MQ's story, to compensate for the absence of her father, MQ's mother enrolled her in life skills and community service courses to help her expand her social circle, develop emotional and behavioral control skills, and learn how to solve problems to become stronger and more independent. As for KC's family, nearly a year after their divorce, KC's father recently decided to discuss with his ex-wife the possibility of bringing their daughter to live with his family so she could receive better care.

Every weekend, her father would drive her to visit her mother and younger brother so she could be closer to her mother. Her father's reasonable suggestion was agreed to by KC's mother. She continued to alternate between living at both houses, but her father and paternal aunts and uncles spent more time talking to her and taking care of her. A smile gradually returned to KC's face.

According to psychologists, children growing up in divorced families can still live happily if the adults treat each other with civility for the sake of the child's future. In modern society, families may not be legally bound, but they need to maintain a sense of connection and care among their members. When this bond is preserved, any shortcomings can be overcome.

A survey conducted by the United Nations Children's Fund (UNICEF) in 2024 in three locations – Hanoi , Ho Chi Minh City, and Nghe An – revealed that 21.1% of children aged 6-18 regularly experience stress. Of these, 20.3% frequently use the internet and social media instead of participating in community activities.

MINH TRANG

Source: https://www.sggp.org.vn/cung-con-vuot-kho-post844085.html