Three months before her son's final exams, Huong, 43, from Hanoi , practically lived according to his study schedule. Her alarm clock was moved from 6:00 AM to 4:30 AM. Each day began with preparing breakfast, checking his tutoring schedule, printing study guides, and reminding him to study each subject.
She told her friends that her child wasn't doing badly in school, but everyone else was sending their children to extra classes, practice tests, and take mock exams constantly. Seeing the neighbor's child getting high scores, she started to worry. She feared her child would fall behind just because she was being negligent.
In the evening, when her child studied until 11 pm, she would sit beside him and check his answers. When he made a mistake on a math problem, she became anxious. When he distracted himself looking at his phone for a few minutes, she immediately reminded him, " Just a little more time, there are only a few months left."
Gradually, she developed insomnia. Waking up in the middle of the night, she would think about her grades, the prestigious school, and the competition ratio. Some nights her heart would race, her chest felt heavy, and her hands were ice cold. She attributed it to lack of sleep.
One morning, while taking her child to school, she suddenly experienced shortness of breath and dizziness. At the hospital, her cardiovascular examination results were almost normal. After receiving psychological counseling, she realized that she had been under constant stress for weeks.
She sat in silence for a long time before saying to the doctor, " I thought I was doing this for my child. But it seems I'm taking the test in her place."
Mr. Minh, 46, who manages a private company in Ho Chi Minh City, never imagined he would visit a psychology clinic. His daughter is in 12th grade, preparing for the university entrance exam. Since the beginning of the year, he has created a detailed study plan and hung it in his living room. Each day is divided into study time, rest time, and practice exam time. After work, he sits down to review his mock exam results and analyze his scores for each subject.
Seeing his friends boasting about their children achieving high IELTS scores and winning scholarships, he started to feel pressured. He feared that if his child didn't get into a good school, their future would be more difficult than others.
Initially, he just reminded his child to study more. Then it turned into checking homework every evening. One day, seeing his child tired and wanting to go to bed early, he snapped, " If you don't try hard now, how will you compete with others later?"
His daughter gradually became less talkative, while he suffered from constant headaches and inexplicable irritability. Even at midnight, he would open his phone to browse college admissions forums and read other people's study tips. His wife noticed he smiled less often. One day, during a meeting, he suddenly felt his heart pounding, found it difficult to concentrate, and his hands sweated profusely despite the air conditioning being very cold.
The psychologist asked him what he was most worried about. He was silent for a moment before replying, " I'm afraid my child will fall behind others, but now I'm not sure if it's my child or me who's exhausted."
Dr. Hoang Quoc Lan provides health advice to patients. (Photo: NL)
According to Dr. Hoang Quoc Lan, a clinical psychologist at Phuong Dong General Hospital, in modern society, raising children is becoming an increasing pressure for many parents. Many experience burnout due to constant worry about their children falling behind in academic pursuits and achievements.
Psychologists believe this pressure comes from many sides. Increasingly fierce competition and the expectation that children should excel and succeed lead many parents to devote all their time and energy to their children's education. From extracurricular classes and courses to skills training, children's schedules are almost completely packed, leaving parents with little time to rest.
Social media only increases the pressure. Images of children receiving scholarships, excelling in foreign languages, or possessing outstanding academic records appear constantly, causing many parents to unconsciously compare themselves to their peers. They worry that if they don't invest enough, their children will fall behind.
According to experts, the worrying thing is that many parents prioritize their children's needs over their own mental health. Many suffer from insomnia, prolonged stress, irritability, and anxiety, yet still strive to raise the "perfect child." Meanwhile, children also face immense pressure to constantly meet family expectations, easily falling into states of low self-esteem, fatigue, or emotional disconnection from their parents.
Master Lan believes that a child's success is not solely measured by grades or academic achievements. More importantly, it's about a child's ability to learn independently, manage their emotions, communicate, adapt, and build healthy relationships.
Instead of forcing children to become the "perfect version" according to societal standards, parents should respect their children's individual abilities and interests. Reducing a packed school schedule, encouraging the development of life skills, and spending time talking and listening will help children develop more sustainably.
Experts also emphasize that parents need to learn how to take care of their own mental health, share responsibilities with loved ones, and let go of unrealistic expectations. When parenting is no longer viewed as a race for achievement, both parents and children will feel more at ease.
" A happy, confident, and adaptable child is far more important than always being at the top ," the doctor said.
Source: https://vtcnews.vn/kiet-suc-vi-on-thi-cung-con-ar1019189.html
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