I feel depressed, discouraged, helpless

- In a recent TV show, Lan Phuong shared that she suffered from postpartum depression. How true is this story?

It was a feeling of physical and mental exhaustion. Sometimes I just lay on the sofa crying, losing all motivation to work or take care of myself. I felt depressed, discouraged, helpless, didn't want to talk to anyone, sighed all day and cried often.

But I still have responsibility for my two children, so no matter what, I get up and continue to take care of them and love them. Thanks to that, I don't feel depressed all day. Although I haven't completely recovered, I am now stronger and know how to take care of myself better.

- You said "depression occurs most clearly when a woman is lonely and lacks psychological support". It seems like your husband doesn't really understand what you're going through?

He didn’t understand what I was going through. Without understanding, there can be no real empathy. The more I looked to him for help, the more disappointed I became when he didn’t give me anything, and that dependency only made my depression worse. So I was alone in my exhaustion.

- When you said "no one in your family recognized your depression", did that make you feel lonely in your own home?

Of course. I struggled and struggled alone, I was lonely in both the small house and the big house. During this time, my younger brother gradually realized my situation more clearly, so his sharing somewhat warmed my heart.

My emotions go up and down like a roller coaster

- Your husband worked in Da Nang for a while, how did that geographical distance affect your mood and taking care of your children?

For my husband, I left my job in Hanoi and brought my two children to live in Da Nang for a few months, hoping to have some support. But he was busy with work, so from morning to night, I was the only one taking care of my two children and trying to do what I could with my job. My depression did not improve at all.

However, I still take care of my children as best as I can. I breastfeed them completely and spend all my time playing with them. Although there are times when I don't have enough strength and patience when my children grow up stubborn, very quickly, mother and children get along well.

- You shared about not knowing how to say "no" to your family. So what makes you feel like you always have to meet everyone's expectations, even when you are exhausted?

Since I was a child, I lived with the belief that I always needed to please my parents and everyone around me. I was always considered a good girl, good at studying, and filial. My mother was proud of that, so I felt even more guilty if anything was different.

Whenever my parents were unhappy, they would tell me. I always shouldered their sadness and dissatisfaction. I always tried to make my parents and younger brother happy and tried to do well in the things I wanted to do, such as learning to dance and opening a charity club (in high school and college).

After getting married, even though we had different opinions, I still followed his wishes because I felt guilty when he was sad. So, even though I was tired, I didn't dare to rest, always trying to keep my family from being sad.

- In the most difficult moments, what helps you not give up?

Love and responsibility for my two children. It is both pressure and happiness. The only thing that pulls me out of the sofa when I am exhausted, brings me vitality when my children hug and kiss me every day. And thanks to self-love (although I did not realize it at the time), I want to create my own value, want to be healthy and beautiful for myself and my two children.

- What moments do you feel like a "bad" mother because of depression? Are you afraid that your children will feel negative energy from you and how do you overcome that feeling?

When I was pregnant with Mia, I had morning sickness and was afraid of all smells, so I didn't want to be near Lina - my eldest child. I lost my feelings of love, didn't play with or hug her. After giving birth, it was even harder than when I was pregnant because of the pain in the incision, and I had to hold the baby day and night because she needed her mother's warmth in the first 3 months.

Every time I think about it, I feel guilty towards Lina and feel bad about myself. When I was pregnant, I cried a lot and was worried that my baby would be affected. After crying, I tried to forget and think of happy things to reduce the impact on my baby. My emotions went up and down like a roller coaster. Luckily, Mia was born with a bright smile, cute, smart, and affectionate, so I felt relieved.

I still remember vividly the pain in my heart when Mia was born, there were nights when she had nightmares and cried just like I did when I was pregnant with her.

- You compare marriage to "the human body - sometimes healthy, sometimes sick, even with cancer". With 7 and a half years of experience, what do you think is the most important thing to "cure" a marriage?

This is a quote from the character Ha in the movie My family is suddenly happy . For me, the most important thing is to heal myself first and then heal other things around me.

- You are very attached to your 14-month-old baby. Are there times when you worry that you are "relying" too much on your child's affection to find comfort?

I have relied on myself for a year now. I realized I was depressed and tried to heal myself. When I was depressed, I learned and found joy around me to lift my spirits such as: going to the gym, jogging, the loveliness of my children, the flowers on the trees along the road, the Ted Talk I gave to inspire people... lots of joy to be stronger.

I worked out hard at the gym because it was the only time I could spend on myself without feeling guilty. I gradually understood myself and everything around me, started to find ways to cure myself by seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist, bringing my child back to live in Hanoi, exchanging my true feelings and thoughts with my family...

Actress Lan Phuong finds joy in the gym, jogging, her children and the little things around her.

- What do you want to teach your children to be mentally strong, especially knowing how to love themselves and say "no"?

I will teach my children through my real journey. Teach them to love and be responsible for themselves, to speak their true voices, to express their true feelings. To appreciate the beauty and kindness of others, to know that they are the ones who create their own beautiful lives, and to appreciate supportive relationships from the outside.

There is a saying I liked since I was a child and hope my children can feel it too: " Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but to learn how to dance in the rain".

Lan Phuong in the movie "Our family is suddenly happy":

Photo: FBNV, video : VTV

Western husband supports Lan Phuong in showing off her sexy look after she lost 20kg. Lan Phuong said: "He always likes photos showing off his wife's sexy look and always encourages me to take pictures whenever possible."

Source: https://vietnamnet.vn/dien-vien-lan-phuong-chong-khong-dong-cam-toi-don-doc-trong-su-kiet-que-2409047.html