To better understand the "mirror effect" in the digital age and how to build a civilized digital code of conduct for family members, we spoke with education expert Dr. Vu Thu Huong (former lecturer at Hanoi Pedagogical University, Center for Mischievous Children).
The interview content relates to the task of "promoting the application of information technology and digital transformation in moral and lifestyle education in families" in the Program on Moral and Lifestyle Education in Families until 2030. Accordingly, families are required to use appropriate software and tools in cyberspace to guide public opinion and promptly detect and prevent risks to children - similar to the "digital code of conduct" proposed by Dr. Vu Thu Huong.
Children learn not through their ears, but through their eyes.
PV: Madam, we often say "children are a reflection of their parents." In the digital age, when children observe the frequency and attitude of adults' phone use, how does this effect work? Will children simply copy everything their parents do?
Dr. Vu Thu Huong: In reality, children's way of "looking in the mirror" is not simply copying verbatim as many people mistakenly believe. From a behavioral psychology perspective, children have three tendencies: firstly, to imitate; secondly, to do the opposite; and thirdly, to perform selectively.
We need to emphasize one thing: Children learn not only through words, but also through actions. No child learns solely from verbal instruction. However, parents are only one of many subjects children observe, alongside teachers, friends, and neighbors. If children perceive their parents as less "good" than others, they may develop a rebellious attitude and refuse to listen to anything their parents say.
Dr. Vu Thu Huong
Because children observe and learn from all the relationships around them, I believe the core issue is to promote the role and responsibility of grandparents, parents, and older family members in disseminating moral values, lifestyles, and cultural norms of behavior within the family to provide comprehensive and harmonious education in morality, intellect, physical health, and aesthetics for young people and children. When the entire "ecosystem" of adults surrounding the child is exemplary, the child will have a healthy environment for personality development. Learning from actions only accounts for about one-third of the habit formation process, but that one-third is an extremely important foundation.
Particularly in the use of digital devices, the "mirroring" effect is most evident in the contradiction: Grandparents and parents may forbid their children from using phones, but they themselves sit glued to the screen. In this case, children will not listen to the prohibitions but will only observe their grandparents' and parents' actions and imitate them.
PV: Many parents complain that their children are "addicted" to phones despite their efforts to remind them. What is your perspective on the real reasons behind this phenomenon?
Dr. Vu Thu Huong: I want to emphasize that the reason children become addicted to phones is not entirely due to imitating their parents. The deeper and more heartbreaking reason is that children are being neglected in their own homes.
Modern parents are often engrossed in their phones, neglecting to care for, share with, interact with, or educate their children, or are too busy with work… When children are bored and have no one to play with, they are forced to turn to their phones as a lifeline. Instead of playing interactive games like board games or having heart-to-heart conversations like previous generations, modern parents tend to delegate childcare to tutors or extra classes, or overprotect their children, not allowing them to do household chores…
It is the emptiness in their spiritual lives and the lack of connection with loved ones that drives children towards digital screens, not simply the imitation effect.
PV: You just mentioned the concept of "being abandoned." So, what is the most profound psychological trauma a child can suffer when having to "compete" for their parents' attention with a phone?
Dr. Vu Thu Huong: That's loneliness. To regain attention from adults, many children start misbehaving, causing trouble, or throwing tantrums. Instead of realizing their child needs them, many parents hastily conclude that their child has ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or excess energy.
The consequences of this are extremely serious. When children only receive attention when they misbehave, they will automatically assume they are abnormal, lack focus, or will frequently repeat disruptive, mischievous, or tantrum-like behaviors to get attention from adults. This self-suggestion negatively affects personality development. The immediate consequence is that children fall into depression due to loneliness even in their own homes.
Worryingly, signs of depression in children are often overlooked or mistaken for bad habits by parents. Signs such as sudden overeating or loss of appetite, sleep disturbances (sleep talking, sleepwalking), or small habits like thumb sucking or constantly touching objects are all warning signs. Families with fewer children or those who are overly protective are at higher risk because children lack interaction with siblings to compensate for the absence of their parents.
PV: It seems the gap between parents and children is widening due to a lack of trust. What are your thoughts on many parents resorting to drastic measures like installing cameras or reading diaries to monitor their children?
Dr. Vu Thu Huong: That's a blatant interference (a violation of the right to privacy). When parents don't share or play with their children, they lose that connection and start trying to control them by questioning friends, teachers, or installing surveillance cameras. This only makes children more frustrated, leading to negative behaviors such as running away from home, bullying friends, or even suicide.
Establish a "Digital Code of Conduct" in the family.
PV: So, to salvage this connection, what specific framework do we need? Can you suggest a set of digital codes of conduct for modern families?
Dr. Vu Thu Huong: I propose a "Allowed - Must - Forbidden" rule model that both parents and children must follow:
Prohibited Rules: It is forbidden to use electronic devices for longer than the permitted time per day; accessing dangerous or harmful websites is prohibited; sharing personal and family information on social media is strictly forbidden to ensure safety; and it is forbidden to use devices after 10 PM to ensure restful sleep.
The RULES ARE: You must put away your phone for a certain period of time to communicate and chat in person; You must have a fixed weekly family time; When searching for information online, you must compare it with official news sources and books to make accurate judgments.
The "ALLOWED" rule: Children are allowed to look up information when they have learning needs; adults are allowed to use it a little more because their brains are more fully developed, but still within permitted time frames.
PV: If parents accidentally violate the rule by using their phones excessively due to unexpected work, what should they do to maintain their credibility with their children?
Dr. Vu Thu Huong: If you make a mistake, you must accept the punishment, no explanations! If parents violate the rules, they should accept the punishment from other family members, for example, doing exercises, doing 50 sit-ups, or watching everyone else eat ice cream while they are not allowed to.
When parents cheerfully accept punishment, even humorously feigning "suffering" while administering it, the child perceives it as absolute fairness. This very attitude of upholding the rules is the most vivid lesson in discipline and flexibility, rather than lengthy explanations aimed at maintaining false authority.
Interviewer: Thank you very much, Madam!
THE DEPARTMENT OF GRASSROOTS CULTURE, FAMILY AND LIBRARIES - MINISTRY OF CULTURE, SPORTS AND TOURISM ARE COORDINATING THE IMPLEMENTATION!
Source: https://phunuvietnam.vn/dung-de-con-co-don-trong-chinh-ngoi-nha-minh-238260622215347482.htm
![[Photo] Prime Minister Le Minh Hung presides over the thematic session on promoting science and technology development and innovation.](https://vphoto.vietnam.vn/thumb/1200x675/vietnam/resource/IMAGE/2026/06/23/1782207872934_ndo_br_dsc-1724-jpg.webp)
