Keeping the flame of happiness burning in a multi-generational family.

Living together across three generations is a valuable tradition, but it also presents a significant challenge in modern life.

Le Van Tam's small family (residing in Binh Thanh District, Ho Chi Minh City) lives with his parents in a house measuring only 70 square meters. Although they love their parents dearly, he and his wife have repeatedly wanted to move out due to persistent but minor conflicts.

Narrow the gap

Tâm's parents are accustomed to old habits, preferring quiet and regular meal times, while he and his wife are always busy with work... The grandparents usually wake up early, while the children and grandchildren are used to staying up late studying online or watching movies... Some want to rest, while others are noisy; no one feels comfortable. "These differences are not only in lifestyle but also a clash of two generations, two different ways of thinking," Tâm observed.

As the only son, and with his parents elderly, Tâm and his wife had to live with them to take care of them. Therefore, instead of avoiding the issue, he chose dialogue: "I encouraged my wife to sit down and talk with my parents, while I gently explained to the children about traditional customs and etiquette... Gradually, everyone understood each other better," Tâm recounted.

Ms. Tran Thi Mai (65 years old, residing in District 7, Ho Chi Minh City) shared a similar story: "I only hope my daughter-in-law will teach my grandchild to be neat, disciplined, and thrifty, because money is not easy to earn. But every time I offer advice, she remains silent or says I'm interfering too much in raising the child."

Differences in life perspectives and educational approaches between the three generations often created a tense atmosphere in Mrs. Mai's family.

When I confided in my friends who practice Tai Chi, they advised me to just "let it go, let each parent raise their own child." I changed my "strategy," instead of giving harsh advice, I switched to gentle conversation and sharing my thoughts, viewing things with more understanding.

"Now, my daughter-in-law and grandchildren have started telling me about their interests, asking for advice… Weekend meals are always full of family members, and everyone talks more. From the stories shared during meals, we gradually understand each other, empathize, and share. The small house has become less distant, filled with warm laughter," Mrs. Mai happily revealed her secret.

Having gone through a turbulent period where his daughter-in-law and mother-in-law constantly clashed, creating a tense family atmosphere, Mr. Tran Van Hoa (residing in Bien Hoa City, Dong Nai Province) recounted several times he saw his wife and daughter-in-law so tense that they wouldn't speak to each other for a whole week.

"I decided to act as a mediator between the two sides, spending time talking to each person individually. I told my wife: 'Our daughter-in-law works all day, and sometimes she's tired, so if there's anything, we should talk to her gently.' And to my daughter-in-law, I advised her that if she calls me 'mother,' she must have a forgiving heart. Luckily, both of them were willing to put aside their egos, and now my family is peaceful," Mr. Hoa shared.

AI illustration: Vy Thu

Accepting differences

According to psychologist Nguyen Thi Thanh Mai, for three generations to live together harmoniously, it is important to clearly define roles and learn to accept differences. The elderly need to be respected, while the younger generation needs to be listened to.

"The key to living in harmony is respect, sharing, and creating personal space for each generation. Together, we preserve traditions while also learning to adapt to modernity; that's the secret to a three-generation home not only surviving but also being happy," said Mrs. Mai.

Ms. Thanh Van (residing in Thu Duc City, Ho Chi Minh City) believes that many families nowadays choose to live near each other instead of sharing a house, in order to reduce conflict while still maintaining closeness.

"My family lives in an apartment on the same floor as my husband's parents. In the evenings, they come over to play with their grandchildren and have dinner together. But each family still has its own space for rest and daily activities. We find this arrangement very reasonable and comfortable for both sides," Ms. Vân expressed.

According to Ms. Van, another solution is to maintain connection by creating a family chat group. Every day, whoever cooks a delicious dish can take a picture and send it, grandparents can send pictures of plants, and grandchildren can show off their good grades. In this way, the whole family becomes closer and misunderstandings due to lack of information are less likely to occur. Flexibility in communication and the judicious use of technology are also ways for generations to stay connected.

According to sociologist Le Ngoc Son, if families know how to build a "communication culture" between generations, living together will be a good opportunity for children to learn good manners and for older people to feel that they are not being left behind.

That culture is reflected in the smallest things, such as saying thank you, apologizing, knowing how to listen, and avoiding yelling or giving orders. The more love and respect there is for each other, the easier it will be for all members to find common ground.

"In modern society with its many pressures and changes, a three-generation family living together is also the greatest source of emotional support. When grandparents are ill, their children and grandchildren can take care of them."

"When parents are busy, grandparents can help with picking up and dropping off the children and educating them. But to prevent this from becoming a burden, each person must learn to be accommodating and tolerant, while maintaining their own initiative in life," said Mr. Le Ngoc Son.

Listening, sharing, and loving are the formulas for maintaining harmony and close bonds between grandparents, parents, and children.

A valuable energy source.

Mr. Nguyen Van Lam (residing in District 10, Ho Chi Minh City), despite being 70 years old, proactively maintains his health, plays sports every morning, and takes care of himself. He says: "If I'm old and still rely on my children, they'll be tired. If I'm healthy and happy, the whole family will have peace of mind." The proactive and positive spirit of the elderly is a valuable source of energy for the whole family.

Source: https://nld.com.vn/giu-lua-hanh-phuc-trong-gia-dinh-nhieu-the-he-196250503195017734.htm