Illustration: DANG HONG QUAN
Ms. LTM, 46 years old, residing in Binh Thanh District, Ho Chi Minh City, shared that she is often annoyed with her husband and two children about the things they do in their daily lives.
The house is cleaner than the hotel.
Upon entering Ms. M.'s house, every guest is "taken aback" by how clean it is, with furniture neatly arranged as if molded. Her friends jokingly say, "M.'s house is even cleaner than a 5-star hotel."
To keep her house this clean, "whenever she has free time, she focuses on cleaning." She wakes up at 4 am and starts cleaning the ground floor, stairs, rooftop, etc. Ms. M. says she can't go to sleep until the house is completely cleaned.
She assigned her two children to clean their rooms, but every time she went in, she said she felt like having a heart attack because the things weren't neatly arranged. She had repeatedly taught them how to spread the bedsheets smoothly, how to fold the blankets neatly, and how to position the pillows evenly, not tilted to one side or the other. She also instructed them on how to keep books and notebooks tidy on their desks, and in the bathroom, she had repeatedly told them that even the face towels had to be hung straight and square, with the edges perfectly even...
Yet, every time she entered her children's room, she would yell at them because this wasn't right, that wasn't right either. One day, her child expressed their displeasure: "If you get so upset every time you come into my room, Mom, then please don't come in again next time."
Ms. M. was taken aback by her child's answer but added, "I told you so you'd learn how to organize your things neatly. When you know how to organize, you'll be able to do everything well later."
Once, her daughter said, "I think tidiness is good, but you shouldn't spend time cleaning and waste time that could be used for other things. I'm more interested in software design, so for me, a relatively tidy environment is enough."
And so, the family conversations revolved around arranging the bowls neatly, and after washing the glasses, they had to make sure the flowers on the glasses were all facing outwards, all pointing in the same direction...
Because she's so meticulous, Ms. M admits she's also tired of constantly reminding her husband and two children to be as tidy as she is.
As for her husband and children, she felt they didn't like it and weren't comfortable with it, but for some reason, keeping things tidy was "in her blood." She felt very uncomfortable when things weren't in their proper places. For example, after arranging the glasses and dishes, she had to make sure they looked their best. After mopping the floor, she would even glance sideways to see if the floor was sparkling clean...
Three types of floor cleaning cloths in red, blue, and white.
Ms. HTN, 26 years old, residing in Tan Phu District, recounted that after getting married and moving to her husband's house, she felt a lot of pressure because her mother-in-law was meticulous and very clean.
My mother-in-law has spent many years as a stay-at-home housewife, raising children, so she dedicates all her time to cleaning the house. Every day, she gets up at 4:30 a.m. to clean every floor except the bedrooms, wiping down every table, chair, and window... She has three different colored cleaning cloths: red for the first cleaning, blue for the second, and white for the third.
There are many types of brooms. Brooms for sweeping the upper floors, brooms for sweeping the ground floor, brooms for sweeping the yard, brooms for sweeping the rooftop... These are just some of the things Ms. N. mentioned, to illustrate how meticulously she does everything.
Ms. N. is also from the provinces and moved to the city to start her career. Despite trying to wake up early, she almost always wakes up after her mother-in-law. Ms. N. wants to help her mother-in-law, but she says it took her a whole week after moving in with her husband's family to remember all the steps for mopping, sweeping, and cleaning. Although she tries her best to do housework to please her mother-in-law, Ms. N. has never once been satisfied by her mother-in-law since moving in with her husband's family.
Her mother-in-law was a woman of few words; she didn't complain much, but when she said, "You haven't done it well enough, let me do it," N. understood that her mother-in-law wasn't satisfied with her work. N. began to consider moving out, even though her husband was the only son in the family.
Ms. PBT, 42 years old, residing in Phu Nhuan District, recounted an incident where she and several colleagues were invited to a colleague's house for lunch. When everyone arrived, her colleague had already prepared everything neatly, like a restaurant, and all they had to do was sit down and eat.
However, when it came time to eat, her colleagues instructed everyone on where to dispose of leftovers, how to place napkins, and how to position drinking glasses for easy eating... The atmosphere that day was very quiet; everyone tried to eat lightly, speak softly, and be as proper as possible.
As soon as she stepped out of the apartment, her colleagues said to each other, "Going out for a meal or to have fun feels so stressful."
"Everyone knows that cleanliness and tidiness are good and should be done, but if cleanliness and tidiness affect the happiness or create stress and fatigue for those around you, then it needs to be reconsidered. It's fine for a meticulous and clean person to be like them, but don't expect everyone to be like them because everyone is different, not everyone should blindly follow a certain model," Ms. T. stated.
Being too messy leads to chaos, being too meticulous creates unnecessary pressure, so balancing each other's demands in a family is not simple when different individuals with distinct personalities come together under one roof.
So perhaps both husband and wife should each take a step forward or a step back, instead of feeling frustrated that the house isn't as spotless as they'd like, they can both be happy because they've been thoughtful and dedicated to their family, finding happiness in even the differences.
Everyone is susceptible to stress.
There were days when she felt like no one in her family understood her, LTM confided in her older sister. Her sister advised, "It's good that you're neat and clean, but don't expect everyone else, especially your family, to be as clean as you. When your family can't keep up with you—and I'm sure few people can be as clean as you—you'll be sad. Living in an atmosphere where everything is always demanded according to your wishes, your husband and children will also be sad."
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