Healing books teach whether to live authentically or selfishly.

'Protect your inner peace,' 'don't be afraid to be the bad guy,' 'stop trying to please everyone' - these are the messages dominating the healing book market today.

Dale Carnegie's *How to Win Friends and Influence People* is one of the best-selling healing books of all time.

According to The New York Times , in a society still grappling with natural disasters and epidemics, this message seems to resonate with the times: people are weary of constant change and choose to turn inward to protect themselves.

But is that helpful advice, or merely a justification for a selfish lifestyle?

Change your reading taste.

In 1936, Dale Carnegie published *How to Win Friends and Influence People *, one of the best-selling self-help books of all time. The book has sold over 30 million copies. Explaining this appeal, journalist Emma Goldberg suggests that at the time of its publication, the United States and the world were mired in economic crises.

"Dare to Be Hated" has sold over 10 million copies - Photo: Publisher

With the unemployment rate in the US reaching 16.9%, people are desperately waiting for a "formula" to escape poverty.

Carnegie's book appeared as a godsend, promising success if readers knew how to make changes starting from the smallest things, such as smiling, complimenting others, and skillfully pleasing them.

These principles have shaped the content of healing books for decades. They emphasize that to progress, you must get along with others and make them like you.

This also reflects a belief that social connection and kindness can help people overcome difficulties.

But nearly a century later, bookshelves are once again filled with sensational titles such as: "Dare to Be Hated" (Kishimi Ichiro and Koga Fumitake), "The Boundary of Freedom" (Nedra Glover Tawwab), and "The Subtle Art of... Ignoring" (Mark Manson), all advising readers to focus on themselves and worry less about the needs of others. These are all global bestsellers and have been published in Vietnam.

More specifically, these works suggest that readers don't necessarily have to please everyone, that they should have the courage to say no to people they don't like, and that they shouldn't even be afraid to be the villain.

The boundary between individual freedom and selfishness

According to many researchers, the best-selling catalog of healing books reflects human anxieties at different stages of society.

"If 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' was published when America was still poor, as a thread connecting people, then the healing books published after the Covid-19 pandemic guide us to focus more on ourselves after enduring losses and seeing the fragility of human life."

"Social distancing, anxieties about vaccines, medical supplies... have made us appreciate ourselves even more," observed Emma Goldberg, a journalist for The New York Times .

And in this day and age, the biggest question is: to what extent does self-focus become selfishness? What is the boundary for a person to be truly free without becoming self-centered?

Psychologist Ingrid Clayton, author of the book "Indulgence: Why the Need to Please Others Makes Us Lose Ourselves ," shares: "Sometimes refusing to please others is the right thing to do. We need time for ourselves to recover. But then we have to come back with renewed energy to connect more."

Self-care doesn't mean neglecting others. Rejecting toxic relationships doesn't mean rejecting all social connections.

In a turbulent world , perhaps focusing more on oneself isn't necessarily a bad thing, but we shouldn't lose sight of the sense of community and connection with others, qualities that have helped humanity overcome some of the most challenging periods in history.

Dr. Ingrid Clayton

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Ho Lam

Source: https://tuoitre.vn/sach-chua-lanh-day-song-that-hay-ich-ky-20250906100242106.htm