Because you deserve it…

I know many women who never buy themselves anything worthwhile in their lives, not even a bowl of pho. Their whole lives are spent worrying about how to manage the household and save as much money as possible. They don't live for themselves, but always for their husbands and children. They are living in the present, but constantly worrying about tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, about everything in the future, fearing that bad things will happen.

My mother is one of them. Her whole life was dedicated to silent sacrifice for her husband and children. Even in her old age, she still worried about each of her children, troubled by the fact that one of them wasn't having a smooth life. This worrying nature was deeply ingrained in her, as was her frugality. She never bought anything for herself, always stingy, even scolding her children for buying expensive things, saying she never went anywhere. Her children all advised her, "Mom, you don't have many years left to live, why be so frugal? Eat whatever you want, buy whatever you want, go out and have fun to relax, don't worry anymore. We're grown up now, we have our own families, we can take care of ourselves." She smiled sadly: "What can I do? That's just how people are."

There was a time when I considered it beautiful, wonderful, a necessary sacrifice for a mother and wife. But then, I would often cry alone, feeling resentful, wondering if my husband knew about my sacrifices, if my children understood. No. No one understood my sacrifices. At the dinner table, the best food was always given to my husband and children; they took it for granted. When buying clothes, it was always for my children, then my husband. For years, I hadn't bought a new shirt because I was stingy, because I thought it wasn't necessary, that I wasn't going anywhere... The resentment just kept building up, growing bigger and bigger. When I couldn't take it anymore, I would argue with my husband and cry. My husband didn't understand; he just got annoyed, saying I was unreasonable, that I was always arguing over the slightest thing.

I carried those pains alone, endured them alone, and lamented my fate. Until one day, a close friend passed away, and her death made me realize how foolish it was to keep sacrificing for others. Her life was right before my eyes; her whole life was dedicated to caring for her husband and children, working hard to save money and build a business. Even in her final days, battling cancer and confined to bed, the first thing she said upon opening her eyes was: "Khang, have you eaten yet, son? Have you eaten yet, husband?" On the day she died, when they were preparing her body for cremation, they discovered a whole wardrobe of dresses and clothes with the tags still on. She had bought them but never had the chance to wear them. She never gave herself time to rest, to go out and have fun, let alone wear them.

I saw myself in my friend's life. I realized that throwing myself into work, constantly worrying about my husband and children, what did it all amount to? Life is short; no one knows when their last day will be. Each person is born only once, lives only once, so why torment yourself, why wait for others to love you instead of loving yourself? So I decided to change. I had to live a different life than my mother, different from my friend. I started listening to my body more. Going to bed early. Eating what I like. Buying what I like. Every time I got paid, the first thing I did was treat myself to something I liked. I started paying more attention to my appearance. I started smiling more. I started delegating tasks to my husband and children. And I started ignoring things when my husband and children didn't do them to my liking. My child made a mess of the floor. Ignore it. They have to learn how to do it themselves. My husband ironed the clothes carelessly. Oh well, it's his clothes, if he wants them ironed, he can learn to do it himself. At first, my husband and children reacted strongly, because they were used to being served. But gradually, they got used to it and stopped complaining. Now my daughter knows how to cook her own meals when she sees me busy working. Now my husband doesn't complain when he sees me applying moisturizer in front of the mirror before bed. It's true that the world changes when we change ourselves.

With October 20th approaching, I know many women are waiting for gifts from their boyfriends, husbands, or children. Then there will be the photo-sharing session on Facebook. Being remembered and receiving gifts on this special occasion is certainly wonderful. But if you don't, don't be sad. Why not buy yourself a gift you like, treat yourself, because you deserve it?

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