The life of a Vietnamese-American couple rejecting the modern world

John Lapp is an Amish man who lives in denial of the modern world , so he believes that meeting and falling in love with a Vietnamese girl must have been fate.

John Lapp said that his Amish tribe has about 300,000 people living in the heart of America but rejects all modern conveniences, remaining loyal to the way of life from hundreds of years ago. They absolutely do not have TV, computers, telephones, do not use electricity, travel by horse-drawn carriages and are self-sufficient in almost everything because they fear that foreign values ​​will penetrate their culture, causing the community to distance itself from each other.

For young people, before deciding whether to choose this lifestyle or not, they have a period of time to explore and experience the outside world, called Rumspringa . There, they are allowed to use modern technology as well as enjoy amenities such as driving cars and watching movies. After Rumspringa, usually about 15% decide to leave the Amish lifestyle.

“It was a very difficult decision,” said John Lapp, 39, of Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Leaving the Amish meant cutting ties with family, friends, and community.

Vietnamese couple, Amish husband and son take photos on Tet holiday 2022. Photo: Character provided

John left the community in 2018. It was the first time the guy went to work, made friends, took a plane and traveled . A mutual friend introduced John and Vietnamese girl Nguyen Yen Nhi to each other because he believed the two were a couple.

"It's true that when we talked, we found many similarities, but at that time we just thought we had one more friend," Yen Nhi, 35 years old, shared.

That year Nhi was working on a project to support children in Cambodia. John was interested in her work, because for many years he had also provided monthly support to some poor children. Yen Nhi also learned about the Amish for the first time when talking to John.

At that time, John was traveling, and every time he went to a new place, he would send Nhi pictures. "After a while, we trusted each other so much that we shared our deepest secrets, pains and hurts," Nhi said.

One day in early 2019, the guy confessed: "At first I saw you as a friend, but I'm starting to like you more and more. Do you want us to start a relationship?"

Nhi was born into a poor family, her parents and brother needed her to take care of them, so she never thought of marrying a foreigner. But in her 30 years of life, for the first time, a guy gave her such a sense of security and solid support. "When I agreed, he burst into tears on the other end," Nhi said.

More than a month later, John went to Vietnam. Yen Nhi took her boyfriend back to her hometown in Kien Giang to introduce her family, but unexpectedly let him witness the family's discord. She was sad and embarrassed with her boyfriend, but he loved her just as much. On the last day before returning to the US, the guy proposed.

"You and I have both been through trauma. I believe that you, like me, are determined to build a happy and lasting family forever," he said.

Nhi and John welcomed their first child in December 2020. Photo: Character provided

In 2019, John visited Vietnam 5 times to visit his girlfriend and get engaged. At the end of February 2020, the couple reunited in the US. They held a simple wedding ceremony, with only the nephew's family attending.

A year later, the couple decided to move to the more spacious and warm town of Crossville, Tennessee. They bought a plot of land on a hill, a 10-hour drive from their hometown. It was a pristine forest, untouched by the elements. Moving there meant building their business from scratch.

They cleared the trees, dug the foundations, built the house themselves; tilled the soil, made beds to grow vegetables and fruits; built their own rainwater tanks to drink, and dug ponds for irrigation. "There were only the two of us and a child under one year old," the couple said.

The journey of more than two years was difficult, but they received a lot of help. John said that to save money, he bought building materials from his hometown and brought them to his new house. One time, he bought tiles and was about to pay $9,000 when the seller said he wouldn't take the money. "We should have stopped trading when you left the community, but if I did that, it wouldn't be showing the love of my community," the man said.

The surprise the Amish man brought made John and his wife emotional and grateful. "That night, the two of us hugged and cried," he said.

The life of deprivation and hardship also made the couple appreciate each other more. Yen Nhi admired her husband because he knew how to do everything and only thought about his wife and children. When they were building the house, they could only come back here once a month because John had to go to work. Every time he came back to work, he had to drive more than 10 hours the night before, and when he arrived, he would rush into work. Many days when both mother and child were fast asleep, he still took the time to work.

"Many people wonder how he dares to live in a house he built himself. But I believe him, even though he only finished 9th grade and has never attended any school, he knows how to build a house and complete the interior and exterior according to the correct standards," Nhi shared.

John always expressed his gratitude to his talented, hard-working and determined Vietnamese wife. Previously, Nhi only did light work, but in the new place, she worked from morning until night with her husband. When her husband and children were asleep, she stayed up to clean the house, prepare goods for the market; many nights she also edited photos and videos to post online with the hope of building a channel that could increase her income in the future.

One time, when Nhi wanted to make a condiment for her husband to eat sprouts, she created an Asian-style sauce. This idea became a very popular product and became a savior to help the family escape from a difficult situation. "Now I know, I left the community not because I was attracted to the outside world but to meet her," he confided.

The Vietnamese-American couple said they will choose what is suitable for their home. Amish culture also has many good things to preserve, including the tradition of self-sufficiency and family-orientedness. Food stored in the house (such as okra and beets) in the Amish way can be stored for up to 5 years. They treat illnesses with herbs and minimize hospital visits.

"The Amish do not receive any money from the state. In the future, when we have a stable income, we will pay taxes, but we will still follow the tradition of not receiving subsidies," John shared.

Especially in Amish culture, there is absolutely no thought of divorce. Married life is hard to avoid disagreements and conflicts, but Nhi and John never let those two words come out of their mouths.

Baby David, son of John and Nhi, 2.5 years old, and his mother harvest lavender in front of their house, in Crossville town, Tennessee, late June 2023. Photo: Character provided

Yen Nhi added that, depending on the customs of each branch of Amish, those who leave the community will be shunned for a period of time or permanently. When John first left, his mother was sad but still hoped that her son would return. When he announced that he was marrying a Vietnamese girl, the old woman lost all hope.

When she first arrived, her husband took Nhi to greet her mother and siblings. She realized that her mother-in-law was very kind but did not like her because she had painted her nails. When Nhi gave birth, her mother-in-law was happier and occasionally asked about her. After moving to another area, she followed her child's life through the social network of an American neighbor.

Before we moved out, she asked, "Do you have a TV in the house?" When she received the answer no, she was glad that we kept the tradition.

In a recent phone call, she shared that she watched videos of her children doing housework, gardening, and shopping. "My mother said she was proud that I had helped my husband like an Amish woman. I hope that in the near future my husband will no longer be shunned by his family and community," the Vietnamese daughter-in-law said.

Vnexpress.net