I don't know what I did wrong?

The mistake of living with my son for 7 years made me cautious, and I made 4 requests before moving in with my daughter. However, my daughter did not understand her mother's feelings, and was even so angry that she stopped contacting me.

My name is Tran Hue Mai, 63 years old. I have two children, my son is Hung and my youngest daughter is Yen.

At the beginning of the year, my hometown has a festival of banh troi and banh day. These days, children, whether they are working far away or married elsewhere, often return to their parents' house to have a cozy meal together.

But my daughter did not come home even though she lived only 10 kilometers from her mother's house.

It hasn't wanted to see me for 4 years, even when I was sick it didn't care. Why? I'll tell you the sad story of my family.

Four years ago, Yen and her husband brought their son home for a party as usual.

After dinner, he pulled me into the room and said, “Mom, you don’t need to help my brother take care of the baby anymore. Instead, can you help me take care of Bin for a few years? My mother-in-law is very weak now, luckily she doesn’t force us to visit her every day, let alone take care of a child.

Mother and daughter used to be very close

Seeing that I had not responded, he continued to explain: “My husband and I are too busy, we go to work early in the morning and come home late in the evening. Furthermore, our salary is not enough to hire a maid.”

I am not a patriarch who only cares about his son and not his daughter. But everything has to be reasonable for me to accept.

I calmly said to her: “Daughter, if you want me to help take care of the baby, that’s fine, but I have four requests. If you can agree, I will definitely be willing to help you.”

First, I will be responsible for taking care of the baby, going to the market to buy groceries and cooking, while Yen and her husband will share the remaining housework.

Before, when I was at my eldest son's house, they left all the housework to me. I know it's not easy for them to go to work, their minds are tired and stressed, but I'm not free either. There are a lot of unnamed things to do at home, and I'm over 60 years old, I have to take care of my health so as not to bother my children.

Second, I have to have two days off every week. Yen and her husband do not work on weekends, so the children have to take care of themselves on weekends. I need time to relax, meet friends or at least rest comfortably. Of course, I will look after the children in the evening and still help if necessary. So the children can let me know in advance if any work comes up.

Third, don't expect money from your mother. She only spends when she wants to.

To be honest, I don’t have much savings in my account. Before, when I came to live with my son, the young couple sometimes complained about financial difficulties and borrowed money from me. But in recent years, they have not paid me back automatically. Even when I reminded them, Hung said he had no money.

So I will learn from my experience if I live with my daughter. I need to keep my pension so that when I get sick or pass away, I will still have my own money and not need my children. I am very afraid that they will quarrel with each other just because of taking care of their mother.

Fourth, I will return home after my nephew can go to kindergarten. I will take care of him until he is three years old, then he will go to kindergarten, I don't need to carry him all day. You and your husband just need to pick him up and take him to school yourselves. Take care of Bin, there is no point in me staying.

If my daughters are busy with work sometimes, I can help them a little, but they can't expect me to be there 24 hours a day.

“These are four requests that I have made after careful consideration. If you can agree, I will pack my bags and come to your house to take care of Bin in two days,” I said.

My daughter said I was biased and only loved the eldest brother.

I thought my opinion was not too much, so I thought my daughter would listen. Unexpectedly, she said something that made me stunned.

“Mom, how can you be so biased? When you came to help my brother take care of me, you didn’t ask for anything, you helped completely unconditionally. But when it comes to me, you make demands like an outsider.

If my husband and I were free, we would definitely do the housework. We are also busy from Monday to Friday, and we also want to rest on the weekend. But you want to take these two days off instead of supporting us and doing everything together.

Regarding money, I have no intention of borrowing, but I am really unhappy that you have to hedge your bets like that. You have spent a lot of money to help Hung buy a house, and when you live with us, you have to pay for even the smallest expenses, not to mention that he and his wife also borrowed from you. And now you are talking as if I am about to take advantage of you.

Mom said she only stayed at my house when Bin was 3 years old, while she stayed at Hung's house for 7 years, only coming back when Bin started elementary school. I really don't want to think too much about it, but Mom's behavior is not equal, she only favors Hung", my daughter said loudly indignantly.

My daughter's words hurt me, I thought she would understand, but her attitude was extremely rude. She also complained that I could not treat her fairly when I was not biased. After seven years living with my son, I realized that parents must know when to stop, should not support their children too much, so I learned from my experience and made a request to my daughter.

However, my daughter kept saying that I was biased, which really made me angry and determined not to change the 4 requests I had made.

At first, my daughter wanted to discuss it with me, but when she saw my stubborn attitude, she got angry and said to me: “Mom, since you insist on doing this, I will never see you again. If anything happens, come live with your beloved son.”

I am lonely when my daughter does not care about me anymore

My daughter said some harsh words and then left. At first I didn’t pay much attention, thinking she was acting like that when she was angry. But then my daughter really stopped contacting me, even when I sent her messages she didn’t reply. I felt like I had just lost a daughter.

Sometimes I wonder what I did wrong to make my daughter ignore me so cruelly. But thinking back, I really don't know where I went wrong, I have devoted most of my life to my children, in my last years I wanted to think about myself, is it wrong?

For 4 years my daughter has not contacted me, even when I was sick she did not visit me. I am very sad!

This year, I made a lot of banh troi and wanted to send some to my daughter because she really liked the food I made. But that day, I called her but she didn’t answer. Did I do something wrong?

Source: https://giadinh.suckhoedoisong.vn/con-gai-muon-me-cham-chau-toi-dua-4-yeu-cau-khien-con-tuc-gian-bo-di-toi-khong-biet-minh-da-sai-dieu-gi-172250108152106695.htm