Raising children to be outstanding individuals: 3 essential things.

Wishing for your child to excel isn't an ambition. But to raise an excellent child, parents must understand their child well, accept the price to pay, and be persistent enough to go the distance.

Below is the perspective of educator Nguyen Thuy Uyen Phuong - Country Director in Vietnam of the global children's movement Design for Change - on the story of raising children to become outstanding individuals.

Many parents now fear the word "excellent." The mere mention of raising a successful child is labeled "ambitious," "obsessed with achievement," or "forcing children." As a result, parents lower their expectations and console themselves with: "Okay, let my child be average."

Let me be frank: Wanting your child to excel isn't ambition. It's a legitimate need. Every society needs outstanding individuals – and your child deserves to be raised to be the best version of themselves, if they have the opportunity.

The issue isn't about whether or not to have expectations. The issue is that parents must be discerning enough to see if their child is capable of pursuing this path and have the perseverance to see it through in the long run.

Conditions for a child - 3 essential things

1. Innate qualities

It's about being gifted in a specific area – logic, language, music , movement, or the ability to read other people's emotions. This aptitude isn't just about a high IQ in general, but rather a distinct talent that parents can recognize if they pay attention.

2. Resilience in the face of difficulties and failures

Learning—no matter what it is—is never easy. A child who gives up when faced with a difficult problem, cries when they lose, and becomes discouraged after their first failure will not go far.

And there's a paradox: the more talented a child is, the less accustomed they are to losing. When they encounter their first major setback—missing out on a scholarship, failing an exam, being rejected—many of them collapse.

Parents must proactively expose their children to small failures early on and teach them how to get back up. This resilience is more important than innate talent.

Educator Nguyen Thuy Uyen Phuong - Country Director in Vietnam of the global children's movement Design for Change. Photo: Provided by the interviewee.

3. Most importantly: The child must want it.

Many parents deliberately ignore this. I've met children who are very talented but simply want a simple life – a decent job, time for family, and no pressure. That's a respectable choice.

Forcing a child who lacks ambition to excel only creates an adult who is tired and resentful of their parents.

Environmental conditions - 3 things parents must invest in.

1. A true teacher

An exceptional child almost always has at least one true mentor – someone who recognizes their strengths, guides them in the right direction, and is sometimes even stricter than their parents.

Finding the right teacher is more important than finding the right school. This is the most worthwhile investment, far more so than enrolling in a multitude of expensive courses.

2. Serious and strategic training.

Except for a very small number of innate geniuses, 99% are the result of systematic effort. The people we admire – chess players, athletes, scientists, entrepreneurs – all have thousands of hours of practice behind them.

Parents also need to be upfront about finances: Raising excellent children costs money, but not extravagant tutoring, but rather money invested wisely – good teachers, good books, educational trips, worthwhile exams.

3. A community for interaction.

A child who studies alone will only excel to the extent they imagine themselves to be. Studying with talented peers will continuously lift them up.

In addition, let your child participate in competitions, trials, and real-world experiences – because this is the practical environment where they can hone both their professional skills and their ability to cope with failure, as mentioned above.

But you have to make it clear to your child: Competition is for learning, not for winning. A child who competes to learn will improve after each loss. A child who competes to win will collapse after their first loss.

Things that are rarely talked about - 3 things that determine who goes the distance.

1. Physical and mental health

Without this foundation, everything will fall apart. I've seen too many bright students collapse in their final year of high school or college due to burnout, anxiety, and depression.

Getting enough sleep, exercising, and having a healthy emotional life are not luxuries but essential conditions for survival.

A child's ambition and self-effort are crucial factors that parents should consider when accompanying their children on their learning and growth journey. (Illustration: AI)

2. Moral roots

Excellence without kindness is dangerous. Talented people without a foundation of values ​​can easily become harmful to society.

Talent is meant to serve, not to surpass others – this must be taught from a young age through the way parents live their lives.

3. Parental steadfastness

This path is 15-20 years long. Parents who waver, constantly changing direction, pushing hard one day and letting go the next, will ruin everything.

All the outstanding people I've taught have parents who are very "stubborn"—not in a rigid way, but stubborn in their parenting philosophy.

I am not writing this to encourage a race for achievement. I am writing because, after many years of teaching, I am convinced that being with outstanding students – children with talent, ambition, and discipline – is one of the greatest joys of being an educator. They are not suffering. They live with purpose, their eyes are illuminated by curiosity, and they experience their youth to the fullest.

But honestly: Excellence comes at a price – for both the children and the parents.

Before choosing this path, ask yourself directly: Do you really want this, and is your family prepared to pay the price? If so, see it through. If not, let go completely. Don't let your child grow up in limbo!

Source: https://vietnamnet.vn/day-con-thanh-nguoi-suat-sac-3-dieu-khong-the-thieu-2514866.html