At 18, you need to hold your child's hand just enough to help them grow.

When children begin to stray from familiar paths, parents must learn something that is not easy: to accompany them without doing everything for them, to love them without unintentionally creating pressure.

College admissions counseling events always attract many parents who attend with their children to get more information and support in choosing the right major and school for their children - Illustration photo: DANH KHANG

There are moments in life that are quiet but enough to make an entire family pause. When a child stands at the threshold of university, it's not just about grades or choosing a major or a school.

That's when children begin to stray from familiar paths, and parents have to learn something that's not easy: to accompany them without doing everything for them, to love them without unintentionally creating pressure.

Hold your child's hand until you've gone somewhere, and let go of their hand when you've come.

For years, parents have been accustomed to holding their children's hands through every decision. From academic matters to the smallest choices, that proactive approach has been a solid foundation. But at some point, that hand, accustomed to holding, needs to learn to loosen its grip. Because university is not just a place to learn knowledge, but also where children begin to learn how to make their own decisions about their lives.

If parents stick to the old way of thinking—overly controlling and making choices for their children—their children may choose the right path, but they won't truly understand why they're taking that particular direction.

Conversely, letting go too soon can easily leave a child feeling lost and uncertain. The challenge isn't about holding on or letting go, but about knowing "how far to hold on and when to let go."

On this journey, pressure doesn't always come from harsh words. Sometimes, it lies in the little things: a question repeated daily, a fleeting comparison, or a look filled with expectation.

No one intentionally puts pressure on a child, but these seemingly harmless things carry an unnameable burden – the burden of having to choose in a way that won't disappoint their parents.

At 18, many young people aren't afraid of challenges or making mistakes. What makes them hesitate is the feeling that they have to choose "the right path from the start," that they have to take a safe enough path to live up to their family's expectations. And when every choice is tied to expectations, they easily lose their inner voice.

Perhaps that's why what parents need isn't more advice, but more listening. Not listening to argue, but to understand. Understanding why their child is interested in an unfamiliar field of study. Understanding why their child hesitates before making a seemingly safe choice. Understanding even the anxieties their child doesn't know how to express.

When children are listened to, they will become clearer in their own minds. When they are respected, they will be more confident in their decisions. Then, the role of parents is no longer that of a guide, but someone who stands beside them—close enough for them to feel secure, yet far enough for them to walk on their own.

Love your child in a different way, giving them freedom so they don't feel lonely.

In reality, there are no absolutely perfect choices. There are paths that you only know if they are suitable after you've taken them. There are decisions that come at the cost of experience. But it is these experiences that help children grow.

If parents try to eliminate every possibility of making mistakes, their children will lose the opportunity to learn how to get back up. The important thing isn't to avoid all mistakes, but to have the resilience to keep going after each setback.

So letting go here doesn't mean giving up. It's a different way of loving – quieter but deeper.

Parents don't need to interfere in every choice, but they should always be there when their children need them. A well-timed question, unconditional trust, can sometimes be a more solid support system than any advice.

University, ultimately, is not the final destination. It's merely the starting point for a longer journey—a journey of learning how to live, how to take responsibility, and how to understand oneself. On that journey, what a child needs is not just the right choice, but the ability to make their own choices and adapt as life changes.

And perhaps, true companionship is when children feel free without being alone, and parents feel secure without needing to control them. A state of "just right"—not easy to achieve, but something worth striving for.

When the doors to university open, not only does the child enter a new phase of life, but parents also begin a new way of loving. No longer holding hands tightly like in childhood, but just enough – so that the child can walk on their own, and still know that there's always a hand ready to support them when needed.

It wasn't a separation, but a different kind of closeness: quieter, more trusting, and more enduring.

NGUYEN NGOC THI

Source: https://tuoitre.vn/tuoi-18-can-nam-tay-vua-du-de-con-lon-len-20260428154725552.htm