Mark Travers, a PhD in psychology at Cornell University (USA), has identified a general sequence of marital evolution, including six main stages.
Love relationship
In this early stage, people share a common joy and satisfaction in meeting each other’s needs. This satisfaction, along with marriage, reinforces feelings of love and care. They can understand each other more deeply despite the distractions of everyday life. They also see each other as perfect, with similar thoughts and actions.
The "honeymoon" is over
During this stage, the dynamic changes as one partner fails to meet the other’s expectations, leading to disappointment and frustration. Mutual responsibility for happiness remains, but the couple’s behavior becomes responsible in an effort to restore the original state of love. Love and care are no longer unconditional, and partners may fluctuate between criticism and feeling hurt or disappointed when the relationship falls short of its ideal state.
Conflict
Frustration turned to anger, leading to a power struggle marked by frequent retaliation.
Fighting acts as a defense mechanism against ongoing frustration because one party cannot rekindle the original love relationship. Arguments revolve around control issues, such as money, sex, or time spent together.
In extreme cases, adultery may occur as a way to hurt a spouse. The “seventh year crisis” may occur at this stage.
Persistent
During this stage, couples, emotionally exhausted and at risk of separation, turn their attention to other aspects of life rather than resolving existing conflicts.
Despite the decreasing emotional intensity, the commitment in the marriage remains and both parties focus on common interests for the benefit of the family such as building a house, raising children or advancing in their careers.
While relationship satisfaction declined, the couple's connection remained positive as they collaborated on common goals.
Focus on your own goals
During this stage, both husband and wife acknowledge that they “cannot expect the other to meet their needs.” This realization promotes increased independence and self-confidence as individuals seek satisfaction only for themselves.
The pursuit of happiness shifts from the spouse to external sources, marking a period of renewed passion but also an acknowledgement of the limitations of the marital relationship. They also gradually learn to share and understand their partner's goals.
Mature
The final stage is characterized by acceptance of reality, shifting focus to the present. Individuals in this stage develop self-reliance and recognize the need to maintain separate emotional identities for a mature relationship. Success in this stage includes accepting responsibility for one's own pleasures and pains and increasing one's ability to relate more fully to others, especially one's partner.
According to experts, this is the stage of renewed intimacy and mutual support. Couples gradually realize that they can live peacefully together based on their own identities.
Source VNE
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