ISSP School Counselor: 'Many Parents Don't Know They're Indifferent to Their Children'

Giving children to others to take care of, buying gifts instead of being present, ignoring discipline... shows indifference and has bad consequences if prolonged, according to Ms. Jennifer Hodgson.

In the last days of the second semester, Ms. Jennifer Hodgson - Advisor, Head of School Safety Committee of International School Saigon Pearl (ISSP) organized a meeting with parents. Throughout the meeting, she proactively asked questions about the living environment, how parents interact and care for their children in both actions and words. She analyzed with the parents: their frequent absence, using attractive gifts to compensate and not disciplining their children when they misbehaved at home... accidentally created many negative consequences for their children.

"It's sad that parents think these actions will bring the best things to their children, but in reality, they are a manifestation of indifference and coldness towards their children in families with economic conditions," Ms. Jennifer shared.

The above story is the first case that happened at the school, but according to Counselor Jennifer, this is not a new or rare phenomenon. Many studies have shown that indifference to children mostly occurs in families with good economic conditions. If this situation is not resolved and continues, parents will unintentionally bring negative effects to the development and personality building of their children.

Along with imparting knowledge and skills, students' mental health is also an important factor that the teaching staff at ISSP always cares about and focuses on. Therefore, in order to create the best conditions for children's comprehensive development, the school often organizes counseling sessions specifically for parents, supporting the process of caring for children at home. Ms. Jennifer also accompanies students to detect psychological manifestations, providing timely emotional and social support.

Ms. Jennifer Hodgson in the ISSP consulting room. Photo: Character provided

Jennifer further explains that psychology divides the types of harm that young children can suffer into four groups: physical, emotional, sexual, and neglect.

Usually, children being neglected and not receiving attention and care are often related to children in difficult circumstances. This means that their basic needs are often not met such as food, shelter, safety, medical care... However, international child protection organizations have recently recognized that indifference also exists in many families with economic conditions. This phenomenon is called "affluent neglect" - in short, the basic needs of children are satisfied but their "emotional and psychological needs" are not met.

The signs of this phenomenon are often found in the following aspects: children are abandoned, living alone for long periods of time, often because parents are busy working long hours or on business trips. In addition to the case of parents being absent and geographically far from their children, there are also times when they are present in the house but only focus on cooking, cleaning, working, exercising, watching their phones... and once again, the children feel lonely.

"Unfortunately, this is quite common in families with economic conditions: children are compensated with gifts, participation in useful activities or lavish holidays. Everyone likes these things, but there is a famous saying in Child Psychology: 'it is better to be present than to have gifts,'" Ms. Jennifer explains.

Speaking of the harm, Ms. Jennifer illustrated through Maslow's hierarchy of needs. On the pyramid, relationships and emotions are ranked third in human needs. Therefore, when this factor is ignored, children will grow up in an environment that is distant, lacking emotional care, and may have difficulty expressing and managing their emotions.

Furthermore, according to ISSP School Counselors, there is a study that shows that: parents with economic conditions often do not impose penalties for their children's bad behavior. As a result, children often have difficulties at school - where rules and punishments are applied if students have bad behavior.

The second potential consequence that can occur when children do not have adequate parental supervision is that accidents are more likely to occur. In addition, children may play violent video games or access age-inappropriate material on the Internet, leading to many unexpected and potentially long-term consequences.

Going back to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, children grow up needing love and acceptance. If they don't find this in their families, they may misbehave at school. And for them, this is seen as a way to seek and attract the attention of those around them. Furthermore, according to psychologist Sigmund Freud: "What children lack in childhood, they will seek in adulthood." Therefore, parents loving and ensuring that all their children's needs are met will create a foundation for future development.

Parents can recognize signs of emotional neglect through: negative actions to attract attention, experiencing many emotional disorders - anxiety, depression, anger, hostility, instead of making friends through normal communication, children may try to "buy" friendship (like the way children receive gifts from their parents).

According to Ms. Jennifer, parents are often not aware that some of their actions (or lack of actions) can harm their children. This is why ISSP has many counseling programs with parents, providing them with practical information so that they can make timely adjustments. As in the case mentioned at the beginning of the article, after the meeting at school, the parents of this student made adjustments to the atmosphere and living environment in the family. They are often present at home, performing simple acts of companionship, care, and support such as: eating with their children, taking care of their children themselves instead of asking for help from a nanny, reading books and doing homework with their children.

"And the results were amazing. The child's emotions changed positively. The student also stopped bad behaviors and made better choices," the ISSP counselor emphasized. Thus, whether or not the child has shown signs of being neglected, parents still need to spend time accompanying and doing the things their child wants; discussing and exploring mental health with their child to help them learn to adjust.

"Children need love as much as they need food, clothing and shelter. So hug, kiss and give your child as much affection as possible. This will help your child form a more secure bond now and in the future," said Jennifer.

Some other rules that Ms. Jennifer also mentioned: "be a parent, not a friend" - to help children understand that home is also a place where there is order and children must respect their parents, as well as the rules in the house.

Jennifer also notes that parents need to remember quality over quantity. That means life is always busy, everyone has to work, but parents should still try to spend at least thirty minutes a day creating quality moments with their children. "Thirty minutes can make a huge difference in a child's life," she emphasizes.

ISSP School Counselor: 'Many Parents Don't Know They're Indifferent to Their Children'

Ms. Jennifer Hodgson explains the phenomenon of indifference to children. Video: Hoang Thanh

Minh Tu

International School Saigon Pearl (ISSP) is an international preschool and primary school for children from 18 months to 11 years old, located in Binh Thanh District, Ho Chi Minh City. The school is dual accredited by the Council of International Schools (CIS); New England Association of Schools and Colleges (NEASC). The school is also an International Baccalaureate Primary Years Programme (IB PYP) candidate with a balanced curriculum, aiming at the comprehensive development of young children. Students are developed with international thinking in parallel with reading and writing fluently in Vietnamese and preserving Vietnamese culture. To understand the educational method at ISSP and attractive incentives for the 2023-2024 school year, parents can view information and schedule a school tour here.

Source link: https://vnexpress.net/co-van-truong-issp-nhieu-cha-me-khong-biet-ho-tho-o-voi-con-4605432.html