1. “Renggg Rengggg...”. I looked at the screen, it was my mother calling. I hesitated and pressed silent, turning the phone face down on the table. I was afraid of my mother’s recent calls. Waiting for the phone signal to go off, I texted my sister to ask. She said, my mother had just called me to cry and tell me about family matters, I didn’t want to listen anymore, then my mother got angry, hung up and called me.
The thing is, my sister just got a boyfriend. A guy from the same village who also had a broken marriage came to get to know her and expressed his desire to start a family with her again. My mother strongly objected. She used harsh words to insult and scold her, with the ultimate goal of the two of them breaking up. My mother said that she only “wanted the best for my sister”, because if she let her marry that guy, the future would be miserable, because both of them were in poor health, and “your child, my child”… The war between my mother and my sister was so tense that at first the neighbors and relatives came back and forth to console her, but in the end everyone was afraid and stayed away.
After much analysis, my mother still did not understand, so I had to say directly: "I see that you do not love her as you say. If you really loved her, you would be happy because at this age she has someone who loves her, and she also loves that person. Right or wrong, good or bad, it is her life, you should not interfere". Then she got angry: "If I do not love her? Then what about me who has been taking care of her and her mother for so long? If I did not love her, I would have left her alone a long time ago", then she talked for half a day about the good things she had done for her. It took me a long time to get in to ask a question: Mom loves her, but do you know what she needs? She needs you to listen and respect her, but you have never done that.
2. My mother was sick and had to be hospitalized, so we sent my youngest sister to take a day off work to go back to the countryside to take care of her. After only a day of returning, the mother and daughter had a huge argument. The reason was that she had cholecystitis, which severely affected her digestion and she couldn't eat anything for several days. When she woke up, she only wanted to sip some white rice porridge. But my sister thought that she had to eat meat porridge to get nutritious food and gain strength to get well soon. Of course, she couldn't eat it, and she was upset because she "just wanted the best for her" but she was whining and refused to eat. After arguing back and forth for a while, she angrily poured the porridge away and sat down in the hallway crying!
My youngest sister lives with me. She is 26 years old but is not yet independent. Every day, she only goes to work in the morning, and in the afternoon she lies at home playing on her phone. I encouraged her to find a part-time job or learn some other trade, but she refused; for several years, she just lay around in the afternoon and evening like that. Until one day, I heard her telling others that she chose a leisurely job so that she could have time to cook and pick up my child in the afternoon. I was shocked, because many times I clearly told her that I did not need her to do these things. And in fact, in the whole year, the number of times I asked her to pick up my child was only about 4-5 times. So she thought I was ungrateful, she did good things for me but I only knew how to complain that she was lazy and not independent.
3. Telling about small quarrels in the family only makes people laugh. But from such stories, I realized a very big problem in my family. That is, the way people in the family love each other sometimes causes suffering for both sides. In that way of loving, many times we just insist on doing what we think is right and good, without really opening our hearts to listen to what the person we love really needs, wants, whether it is reasonable, or see how we can reconcile the two sides. Sometimes I don't know if that is love or not. Because love must be associated with sympathy and warmth, so why is it that the more we love, the more it hurts?
There is an old story I read a long time ago, about a father who worked hard to grow cabbage year after year because his wife loved to make pickled cabbage. The mother worked hard to pickle cabbage because her son loved to eat it. But in the end, the truth was that the son did not like to eat it, but because he saw his mother was passionate about making pickled cabbage, he tried to eat it to make her happy. Then the father became passionate about growing cabbage again.
We love someone. But does that person need us to love them like that? What is the right way to love someone? This question seems light and simple, but in reality it is not easy to answer. There is a song that says "whether we love wrongly or rightly, as long as we feel pain, we still love". In love, we can accept bitterness and loss so that the person we love can be happy. But if love causes us pain and the other person also hurts, is that really love?
Source: https://www.sggp.org.vn/hoc-cach-thuong-mot-nguoi-post797661.html
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