Esther Allen is an expert in the field of early childhoodeducation . Through her own experience, having worked as a full-time babysitter for 14 years and having the opportunity to interact with children of many ages, Ms. Allen has realized that there are very common mistakes in child-rearing that many parents often unintentionally make.
Below are some seemingly reasonable behaviors that can be harmful to a child's development:
Force your child to apologize when he doesn't understand his mistake.
Forcing children to apologize when they don't understand their mistakes is a wrong way of teaching (Illustration: DM).
One of the most common mistakes, according to Allen, is forcing young children to apologize after they have done something wrong. “Young children are not fully developed in terms of thinking and emotions. When you force them to apologize, it only teaches them that saying sorry is enough to be forgiven, without thinking about the consequences,” Allen said.
When she was a babysitter, Ms. Allen would ask children who had made a mistake to review the consequences. For example, how they hurt a friend, then they might ask if they could hug their friend or how they could make things right.
“Children need to understand that if they hurt someone, they have to find a way to fix the consequences through specific actions, not just saying the word sorry,” Ms. Allen added.
Force children to finish their food
Sometimes, it is the parents who make their children become picky eaters (Illustration: DM).
Ms. Allen emphasized that children should have the right to decide what and how much they eat. Forcing children to eat will create negative feelings about eating, leading to negative reactions such as picky eating, difficulty eating, poor appetite...
“Usually, I prepare a nutritious meal, and among the dishes I put out, there will always be at least one dish that I know the child will like. Then, I let the child decide what to eat and how much to eat. If the child only eats a little and says he is full, I do not force him to eat more,” said Ms. Allen.
The female expert also advised mothers not to immediately cook another dish to replace it if their children refuse to eat the dishes they have prepared. This behavior will cause children to form picky eating habits, becoming more and more difficult to eat and forcing parents to indulge their difficult tastes.
Publicly comment that the child is stubborn, lazy, and difficult to manage.
Publicly making comments about your child that he or she is stubborn, lazy, or difficult to manage... may seem harmless, but according to Ms. Allen, this is a serious mistake.
“Children will increasingly act in accordance with what their parents have publicly said about them. If you think your child is shy, don’t say it out loud. Because when your child hears that, they will believe that they are shy and will act that way more and more,” says Allen.
To improve bad personality traits in children, parents should find out the reasons behind those personality traits. Maybe your child becomes lazy because he is tired and stressed. Maybe your child is difficult to control because he has not yet connected with the adults in the house...
Make children always share toys with friends
Knowing how to share is good, but forcing children to share at all times is not necessarily a good lesson for them (Illustration: DM).
Teaching children to share is a good thing, but Ms. Allen is against forcing children to give their toys to another child when they are enjoying playing with them.
“If a child is engrossed in playing with a toy and is asked to give it to another child just because the parent told them to, this teaches the child that the needs of others are more important than their own feelings, and that they should share whatever they have with others,” said Ms. Allen.
Instead, parents should let their children finish playing before passing the toy to another child, thereby teaching them and other children they play with about patience and respect for others.
Do everything for your child
Another common mistake is that parents are too quick to help their children, such as helping them dress or put on shoes, without giving them a chance to do it themselves.
“Children are often more capable than parents realize. If your child wants to try, be patient and give them a chance to try it themselves, before you have to intervene, for example because time does not allow for waiting any longer, or the child is too clumsy and needs more guidance... Allowing your child to experiment and fail is the foundation for learning independence,” says Allen.
Letting children use electronic devices too early
Ms. Allen said she does not allow children under 2 years old to use electronic devices. She limits screen time for children between 2 and 5 years old to no more than 30 minutes per day.
According to Ms. Allen, letting young children use electronic devices too much will affect their development, possibly causing them to have speech delays, behavioral disorders, sleep disorders, and reduced ability to concentrate. Some children will even only eat if they are allowed to use electronic devices, but while eating and looking at the screen, they cannot really concentrate on eating, leading to eating habits disorders.
Managing children's time too tightly makes them lose their childhood.
Being able to spend time in the way they want will help children understand themselves better (Illustration: DM).
Finally, Ms. Allen emphasized that many parents today make too many decisions for their children. They organize their children's study schedules, allocate time for their children's play and exercise activities, forgetting that children need time to play and do things on their own according to their personal preferences, without being controlled or guided by anyone.
It is the time when children are allowed to decide what they will do that helps them understand themselves, gradually shape their personality, inclinations and grow up more firmly.
“Children need time to decide what they want to do and what they want to play without parental interference. This free time is when children can develop themselves the most,” said Ms. Allen.
Source: https://dantri.com.vn/giao-duc/loat-sai-lam-gay-hai-nhat-phu-huynh-thuong-mac-khi-nuoi-con-nho-20250709230554478.htm
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