Quitting work to take care of children to avoid conflicts between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law.

To be able to raise their children as they wish, many young mothers choose to separate their children from their grandparents early on - Illustration photo: TRIEU VAN

Struggling with old and new parenting methods.

Mothers and grandmothers often think of themselves as "experts" in raising young children. There's some truth to that, because after all, they've experienced all the hardships of motherhood. Most recently, through raising their own children, they've nurtured a child into the person they are today – a husband and a father.

As for young mothers, first-time mothers these days are often convinced that they love their children very much and are doing everything for them. They choose to raise their children using various methods from books, the internet, etc., instead of following traditional methods.

Nobody is wrong. It's just that, somehow, the way older women raise their children doesn't quite align with the preferences of younger mothers.

T. - a young father - texted me asking if my wife was forbidden from drinking water, bathing, or washing her hair by the other mothers after she gave birth. He complained about being unfairly placed in the role of "judge" between his wife and the other mothers.

His wife, who had just given birth, suffered "trauma" because her mother wouldn't let her bathe for the entire first month. He feared that she would get sick from being unhygienic even before experiencing the pain of childbirth.

Many young couples today face situations like the one described above when they have children. It's incredibly difficult right from the start. The problem is that everyone thinks they're right, everyone has their own reasons.

The older women do it because they want what's best for their children. But for young mothers, it seems impossible.

If we don't separate them, I'm afraid this "war" will never end. Or if it does end, it will be a sad ending, full of lamentations.

The nightmare of sleepless nights caring for a child - Illustration: TRIEU VAN

Nights when tears well up

Giáng Ngọc (27 years old, residing in Bình Tân District, Ho Chi Minh City) recounts that to avoid a tense "battle" from the very beginning, she and her husband "fought" for custody of their child even before the child was born. Both sets of grandparents readily agreed. Of course, with this approach, the couple had to rely almost entirely on themselves for childcare.

Ngoc often confided in me, complaining that taking care of a young child was very difficult!

"I had to quit my job because I was too worried if I couldn't directly take care of my child. The grandparents couldn't stay for long either, and even if they could, it would be a difficult journey," Ngoc confided.

Ngoc said her biggest fear was her baby crying at night. For almost three consecutive months, she couldn't get a single peaceful night's sleep, waking up only to be jolted awake by the baby's piercing cries and the constant worry about what was wrong. It was truly terrifying.

Ngoc started with a parenting method she found circulating online. When her child started eating solid foods, she insisted the child sit properly in a high chair, focus solely on eating, and not be forced to eat by the parents. In contrast, her maternal and paternal grandmothers advised trying to "coax" the child in various ways, from toys and carrying them around to shouting and yelling.

The hardship of caring for young children also comes from having to constantly keep an eye on them, especially during the stages when they are learning to roll over, crawl, stand, or walk. Almost all of your time throughout the day revolves around your child, even when they are sleeping. In return, each time they learn something new, it's a lot of fun.

Ngoc recounted that if her child caught a cold or developed a dry cough, she would feel immense pressure. She'd be overjoyed when her child drank 160ml of milk, only to hear the child cough again. And then, things would go back to square one, the milk would just flow out, and the mother's heart would feel incredibly heavy.

"The worst part is at night. The baby is sleeping soundly when she suddenly has a coughing fit and spills everything. My husband and I have to get up, clean her up, change her clothes and diapers. We feel so sorry for her that tears well up in our eyes," Ngoc said.

Things like having to eat quickly, having to stop eating mid-meal, or sometimes having to rush out to the baby after showering are common occurrences for young couples who choose to raise their children independently.

What experiences have you had raising children? Do you have any tips or experiences you'd like to share to encourage new parents who are just starting out in raising young children? Please send your thoughts to hongtuoi@tuoitre.com.vn. Tuoi Tre Online thanks you.

Source: https://tuoitre.vn/nghi-viec-cham-con-de-tranh-canh-con-dau-cai-me-chong-20240415170757944.htm