Smart parents in the maze of choosing a major with their children

Love children the wrong way

When 12th graders complete their high school graduation exams, they and their families enter an equally important stage: choosing a major, choosing a school, and setting their first aspirations for the future. At this stage, many students feel stressed, tired, and even in conflict with their own parents.

Sharing in the podcast “Journey to create the future” No. 2 produced by Tien Phong Newspaper in collaboration with Ho Chi Minh City University of Transport (UTH), Dr. Dao Le Hoa An, a psychologist, said that he is receiving many calls and messages from parents and students who have just finished their graduation exams. These are concerns about majors and schools, but hidden behind them are worries, conflicts and “struggles” between parents and children about choosing a career.

Dr. of Psychology Dao Le Hoa An shared in the podcast "Journey to create the future" No. 2 produced by Tien Phong Newspaper in collaboration with Ho Chi Minh City University of Transport (UTH).

A student who came to this psychologist confided that he loved animals and wanted to study veterinary medicine, but his parents strongly opposed it because they thought it was a “career for cats and dogs, with no future”. His family wanted him to study general medicine or pedagogy to have a stable position and find a job easily. The feeling of being denied his passion and not being listened to made him fall into a state of disorientation, no longer wanting to share with his family.

“This situation is not uncommon, especially during the days when students begin to adjust and rearrange their wishes to match exam results and the expectations of their relatives,” said Dr. Hoa An.

According to this psychologist, one of the biggest pressures on students comes from the wrong kind of love from parents. Many parents have very high expectations, but sometimes they become a burden if not placed in the context of the child's reality.

Some parents force their children to pursue a career that they believe is “safe” or “has a good job prospects,” without even finding out whether their children are suited to or interested in that career. Others impose their own unfinished dreams on their children, as an indirect way of seeking “fulfillment.”
Dr. of Psychology Dao Le Hoa An

Some parents force their children to pursue a field they believe is “safe” or “with a good job,” without even finding out whether their children are suitable or interested in that field. Others impose their own unfinished dreams on their children, as an indirect way of seeking “completion.” Students are compared to “other people’s children,” with established criteria for success, without being given the opportunity to explore themselves and express their own opinions.

In order for their children to follow their own choices, parents give the reason that “the family will not pay for tuition if the child does not study according to the orientation”. This makes students feel that they cannot choose their own lives, losing the initiative in their own future.

Not only from parents, students themselves also face great pressure from society and the surrounding environment. Many students put pressure on themselves to get into top schools, choose “hot” majors, and make money easily without really understanding what they want or what they are good at. Choosing a major based on trends or friends can lead to deviations later on.

Dr. Hoa An warns that choosing a major that does not match one’s abilities and passions can easily lead to students studying in the mindset of “paying their parents back”, studying to get a degree rather than from passion. The result is a waste of time, money and motivation of young people in the years when they should be developing at their best.

Choosing a career is like choosing a lover.

In these situations, Dr. Hoa An offers some suggestions so that parents can accompany their children intelligently, minimize conflicts and help their children confidently choose the right path.

The first thing to do is to observe and identify your child's emotions. If you see your child suddenly becoming quiet, avoiding communication, or showing signs of anxiety or stress, it is very possible that your child is under pressure in choosing their future. Instead of questioning, parents should create an open space for conversation so that their child feels listened to and respected.

A useful tool that Dr. Hoa An recommends is to take scientific personality and career interest tests with your child, such as MBTI or John Holland. The results will help both parents and students better understand their personal tendencies, thereby making informed choices instead of emotional ones.

Overview of podcast "Journey to create the future" number 2

In addition, parents also need to have a flexible view of the concepts of “right major” and “near major”. A specific job can be undertaken by students from many different majors. Therefore, when setting their wishes, students should prioritize the right major first, then the near majors that can still lead to the dream job.

Dr. Hoa An also emphasized that choosing the “wrong” major is not a failure. In the era of lifelong learning, learners can completely supplement their skills and change their career through short-term courses, online learning or joint training.

In particular, he encourages students to proactively share with their parents about new fields of study and trends that parents may not have had time to update, such as artificial intelligence, green energy, logistics or digital economy . However, sharing needs to be done at the right time and in the right way. Do not talk when parents are angry or under pressure. Students also need to learn how to present issues clearly, with evidence and research so that parents can trust and agree.

“Choosing a major is like choosing a lover, it requires understanding from both sides. If parents play the role of the one who imposes, students will resist or stay silent. But if parents become companions, listen and experience together, children will feel respected and more responsible for their own choices,” Dr. Hoa An recommends.