In married life, perhaps everyone has asked themselves at least once: "Can I forgive?" Forgiveness sounds easy when standing outside the situation, but when you are in the situation, facing the emotional wounds, you will see that forgiveness is truly a difficult challenge.
Marriage is a journey of bumps and mistakes.
No marriage is all sweetness and light. After the bustling wedding ceremony, married life enters its daily routine, with hundreds of invisible pressures: food, clothing, money, personality differences, interference from both families, unspoken expectations… Sometimes conflicts arise from very small things.
Mistakes in marriage are not just about shocking things like adultery or betrayal. It can be careless words, indifferent attitudes, laziness in sharing, or the habit of taking each other's feelings lightly. All of these gradually accumulate into distance. When the wound is deep enough, trust is broken, that's when people have to face the choice, forgive or let go.
Is forgiveness the medicine to preserve marriage?
Many marriages are on the brink of collapse, but a sincere apology and a concrete act of correction are enough to save everything. Forgiveness is the “medicine” that soothes the pain and closes the wounds that seem unhealable.
When people still love and cherish their home, they will choose to forgive. Because behind the two words "forgiveness" are countless constraints: children, family, years of affection, even the self-respect of the person involved.
But forgiveness is not simply accepting and letting go. Forgiveness requires people involved to truly understand each other, be willing to untie the knots, and write a new chapter together without letting the past hold them back.
Why is forgiveness so difficult?
First, forgiveness does not erase memories. There are things that seem buried, but just a careless word or action can flare up like an old scar being torn.
Second, forgiveness without change is just meaningless patience. Many people say they forgive, but in reality they are swallowing their anger and suffering to keep the family intact. But suffering is not forgiveness. It only prolongs the suffering, turning each day of living together into torture.
Third, pride and ego are also barriers. Some people do not accept letting go of pain because they think forgiveness means weakness and loss. But forgiveness is sometimes the most powerful action, because it helps free oneself.
How to forgive without creating new wounds?
Forgiveness is not about hiding or forgetting. It is about looking at the problem, facing the hurt, setting boundaries, and rebuilding trust together.
The offender must be truly sorry: Not just an apology, but proven by actions, time, and patience. A caring text message, a full dinner, and a serious listening ear are all steps to healing.
The hurt person needs time: Forgiveness cannot be forced. Some wounds take a long time to heal. The hurt person has the right to doubt, to doubt, to verify, that is not wrong. The important thing is that both parties do not let go of each other during that process.
Both change: Sometimes mistakes only appear because the marriage is suffocating, because one side has neglected to share, because of a long-standing habit of silence. Forgiveness is only meaningful when both look back at the cause, take responsibility and change.
Seek professional help when necessary: For wounds that are too deep to heal on their own, many couples have boldly sought out marriage counseling and psychotherapy. A third party with expertise will help both parties listen to each other without further injury.
Not every mistake is forgivable.
There are lines that a healthy marriage should not cross. Violence, persistent betrayal, physical or mental abuse, these are not one-time mistakes, they are destructive. Forgiving someone who does not want to change only makes you a long-term victim.
So, before deciding to forgive, ask yourself: “Will this forgiveness free me? Or will it just prolong my suffering?” Sometimes, true forgiveness is the courageous choice to let go, to find peace for yourself.
Forgiveness is for your own healing.
Many people think that forgiveness is giving a chance to those who hurt them. But in fact, the first person to be freed is ourselves. Carrying resentment, doubt, and anger only makes us tired, damages our spirit, and erodes our happiness. When we know how to forgive or let go at the right time, we can truly grow and feel lighter.
Marriage is like a long train journey, and on that journey, bumps, arguments, and mistakes are inevitable. Forgiveness does not erase the hurt, but it gives people another chance to heal and start over.
Source: https://khoahocdoisong.vn/tha-thu-trong-hon-nhan-de-noi-kho-lam-post1552823.html
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