Set boundaries so you don't live someone else's life.

Using the concepts of "personal boundaries" and "setting limits for yourself," this explains why many people frequently feel stressed and exhausted when burdened with responsibilities that don't belong to them.

There are people who almost never say no. They take on extra work when colleagues ask, step in to solve family problems, listen to friends, and always try to meet the expectations of those around them. But these are the very people who often feel pressured and exhausted.

In *Limits for Yourself: Speaking at the Wrong Time - Speaking at the Right Place* , psychologists Henry Cloud and John Townsend argue that the cause of this paradox sometimes lies not in a lack of responsibility, but in the fact that people are taking on too much responsibility that doesn't belong to them.

When the line between "my business" and "someone else's business" is blurred.

Setting Limits for Yourself is not simply a book that teaches you how to say "no." The book's content is divided into three parts: What are boundaries?, The conflicts that arise when boundaries are violated, and How to build healthy boundaries.

The book "Limits for Yourself ". Photo: MC.

Throughout the three parts runs the central concept of the book: personal boundaries. According to Henry Cloud and John Townsend, part of responsibility is knowing what belongs to you and what doesn't. In other words, each person needs to take on their own responsibilities, emotions, and choices instead of shouldering the burdens of others' lives.

To introduce this theme, the two authors present the case of Sherrie, a woman who constantly strives to fulfill all her roles in life. In just one day, she has to meet a multitude of demands from family, friends, work, and community activities. What exhausts Sherrie is not a major event, but the constant accumulation of responsibilities.

Starting with Sherrie's case, the book expands to familiar situations in life. After laying the groundwork for the concept of boundaries, Henry Cloud and John Townsend examine family relationships, friendships, marriage, work, and spiritual life to highlight common conflict patterns that arise when boundaries are blurred.

There are parents who shoulder responsibilities that their children need to learn to cope with on their own. There are people who always try to rescue their friends from the consequences of their own choices. In the workplace, many people habitually take on extra tasks that should be someone else's responsibility for fear of rejection or judgment.

From the book's perspective, many conflicts in life do not stem from a lack of love or goodwill. On the contrary, they arise when people no longer clearly distinguish between their own responsibilities and those that others should handle themselves.

Setting personal boundaries isn't about rejecting others, but about clearly defining each person's responsibilities. Source: mindful.

Learn how to build healthy boundaries.

While the first part helps readers understand what boundaries are and the second part points out the conflicts that arise when boundaries are blurred, the final part of the book focuses on the process of building healthy boundaries.

According to Henry Cloud and John Townsend, this is not a change that can happen overnight. Many people are accustomed to pleasing others, taking responsibility for others, or feeling guilty when refusing a request.

Therefore, setting boundaries isn't simply about learning to say "no." Equally important is learning to say "yes" in the right places—to the responsibilities you truly have and the commitments you're willing to make.

What the authors are most concerned with is "ownership of one's own life." Each person needs to be responsible for their own emotions, choices, and actions, but cannot live someone else's life or bear the consequences of someone else's decisions.

From that perspective, boundaries are not walls separating people from one another. On the contrary, they are necessary lines of demarcation for relationships to function more healthily. A person can love without controlling, help without taking on burdens for them, and care without losing themselves.

The book "Limits for Yourself" doesn't dedicate many pages to teaching readers how to politely say no. What's more important is the ability to identify which parts of your life you're responsible for and which parts others should take on. Because not every problem that arises around us is our responsibility. And sometimes, learning to say "no" is also learning to let others take responsibility for their own lives.

Source: https://znews.vn/thiet-lap-ranh-gioi-de-khong-song-thay-nguoi-khac-post1656547.html