Touchscreen

Honestly, the universe is so vast, what's the big deal about one more unemployed person, and who would care anyway, except me? And the reason I care is quite funny: oh, the unemployed guy who's the lord of time, the king of idleness, and the great gossipmonger of the entire online world is me. And now I'm going to gossip about myself too.

MH Truyen 11-5

Illustration: VAN TIN

I have an office job, not a busy one, but I don't feel like I have a lot of free time either. I live alone, commuting to work and coming home in the evening, and whatever time I have left, I indulge in a few trivial habits, mostly browsing the internet like everyone else in this 21st-century city.

They call this the age of uncertainty, and I completely agree. I seem to have programmed myself to accept the unexpected, so when I was fired, I just smirked lightly. What's the big deal? I lost today – no, but I'll get it back tomorrow, who knows?

I wasn't sad at all when I had time in the following days to follow all the sensational developments on the internet. Politics , religion, showbiz, or the cryptocurrency market… Every day was overflowing with information for me, and I processed it as if I were standing on some high peak of the world looking down on all living beings.

The remarkable thing is that I felt like I was living through all the days before combined, until one day…

*
* *

It was almost two in the morning, and after a grueling day as a commentator, I felt completely exhausted. The endless, heated debates on the internet , seemingly simple and without weapons like sticks and guns, drain energy and wreak havoc on people, even though they only take place on a touchscreen.

I can't sleep. No matter how tired I am, I can't fall asleep, I don't know if it's because I accidentally downed a cup of coffee. Many people are still awake at this hour, but the pace of activity has slowed down; the accounts that were arguing fiercely with me are now infrequently active.

When I can't sleep like this, I tend to randomly watch whatever comes across my screen. And right then, a video hit me in the face—a video with only a few lines of text, less than a minute long, but every word was aimed directly at me, hitting me without missing a beat. Oh my god, whoever created and spread this sad virus deserves a punch in the face.

The video, oh, it's about a generation that loves to joke around, like me. Unemployed. Depression. Loneliness. Narcissism. Having this whole "combo" results in a sarcastic attitude towards life. Joking around to survive. Joking around to escape. Joking around as a survival mechanism, and it's spreading across the internet like an epidemic.

Don't blame them, they're just failures and unfortunate people who have to do what they can to survive in the loneliness that the times have given them… The video ends with this line, and I feel like life has just punched me in the face, leaving me bruised and battered. Unemployment, depression, loneliness… it seems I've had it all.

Something bitter and painful welled up inside me. The touchscreen, it irritated me, and I looked at it like a criminal. The things scrolling by became distorted and unsightly. I dropped the phone.

For some reason, I opened the balcony door. I'd only opened it a few times since I rented this room because it's so small. That damn video, it came on the day I felt most vulnerable. My birthday. Who cares!

Actually, I know that birthdays are something very personal and people don't need to be famous to be remembered; they just need someone who cares enough about them.

I sat down right on the doorstep, in the dim light. By this time, I was starting to get plump and chubby, but luckily I still fit through the narrow gap in the door. The night was truly sad. And as deep as a graveyard.

The things on the touchscreen keep swirling in my head. Oh, the profile pictures, the accounts… is anything new actually alive? Even the accounts I follow, all the sensational stuff and those accounts desperately arguing with me, does it all mean anything?

Perhaps I would have sat there and completely faded into the night, that eternal darkness, if it weren't for the light from the room across the alley. The alley was so narrow that it was difficult for two motorbikes to pass each other, so the distance from where I was to that room was only a few meters. It had been a long time since I'd paid attention to who was renting a room across from me.

Even the rooms next door, in the same row, I didn't bother looking at; I usually just glanced over with a feeling of discomfort at encountering those who were also crammed into makeshift shelters like me. How could they understand that in another world, I was something extraordinary?

But that was a few minutes ago. Right now, everything feels so strange; the touchscreen seems to have turned to stone, no longer receptive or responsive to my emotions. Luckily, there's still a little light on the other side to hold me back.

I glanced over and knew it was someone of the opposite sex. The window wasn't closed, but they probably didn't know I was watching. It was two in the morning, and I never open the balcony door. So I was just peeking.

But it wasn't like a pervert who likes to pee on women; I was looking at that person because I needed something to fill the void in front of me. And in my head too.

I looked around without caring whether people were beautiful or ugly, old or young. At first, that's how it was; I just looked to fill the void. Then I noticed something that caught my attention. It was the large bouquet of artificial flowers, the cake, and the very fancy gift box on the table.

How could such a terrible coincidence happen? Is some cosmic force manipulating things? How is it that today is also her birthday? And is she putting on this act to remind me or to inflict another wound on my heart?

Because of this damned coincidence, I couldn't take my eyes off that room, even if I wanted to. I had to look to see what else life had up its sleeve to mock me. I was guessing and imagining every possible scenario on my birthday, the things people usually do and the expressions they make…

Feeling insecure, my mind raced and I made a spectacular U-turn. So that's it, just going back and forth like a ritual. I started to chuckle. The table was fitted with a magical lighting system to cater to the needs of professional netizens for selfies or livestreams. Every beautiful angle was meticulously studied and captured. Meticulously, like an artist working on their favorite masterpiece.

Of course, the artist also appeared in a few frames, but that's normal. What's more noteworthy is the cat wearing a cute hat that was just brought in. Wow, a noble white cat, the perfect pet for sophisticated ladies.

I imagined quite a few scenarios, and any of them could make me laugh. At two in the morning, what would motivate someone to stay awake and take pictures with a cat? For fun? For boredom? Or for loneliness?

Those flowers, gifts, and cakes—who sent them? And who paid for them? Perhaps the recipient was also the buyer? In this day and age, anything can happen, and the scenario I just imagined isn't some baseless joke.

Just live your life, live in the eye of the storm of the virtual age, and you'll understand. I can even imagine a woman staying up all night "swiping" on apps to edit photos and brainstorm content to post online. It has to be something short, catchy, trendy, classy, romantic, funny, or even sappy like a poem…

I discovered that when I focus on something or someone other than myself, all my sadness disappears. I used to feel terrible, but now it seems all my misfortune has been dumped into the room opposite. People often say that there's no suffering without comparison, but in my case, the more I compare, the more I feel better seeing someone even more unhappy than me. Much more unhappy, actually, because at least I'm clear-headed enough to know what I'm going through.

That damn video opened my eyes a bit, and I'm expressing my empathy for my fellow human beings, specifically the girl in the room across the street. But how do I let people know that I empathize?

Suddenly, I felt afraid if the lights in the room opposite went out. Suddenly, I wanted to do something. Perhaps I needed someone to know that I existed, that here I was, a living being, a flesh-and-blood man.

Time was running out for me as the lights on the dressing table on the other side went out. In a panic, I stood up to find the light switch. How long had it been since I'd forgotten how to turn on a light bulb and where the switch was? Or perhaps it had never existed.

But never mind, I picked up my phone, swiped across the touchscreen, and tapped the "flash" button. A light flared up across the balcony. From the opposite side, someone looked out…

Source: https://baoquangnam.vn/cam-ung-3154505.html