Chinese men and the trend of giving up their 'ego' to live with their wives' families

Nowadays, many Chinese men prefer to live with their wives' families for many reasons - Photo: Sohu

Portrait of modern-day sons-in-law

In Hangzhou (Zhejiang Province, China), the marriage office of Mr. Li Jiyan (69 years old) is a familiar address for men looking for opportunities to become a son-in-law. Every year, hundreds of men come here, most of them from other places, coming from small towns. Among them, many have master's and doctoral degrees, even those with an income of up to 500,000 NDT (more than 1.7 billion VND) / year.

They are young people who are gradually changing their concept of marriage. They do not want to become "slaves" to home loans, and want to have a solid support in the context of a wave of layoffs happening everywhere.

Every year, hundreds of men come to a matchmaking office to find a son-in-law - Photo: Sohu

Moreover, living with the wife's family's family brings them many practical benefits: They are given an apartment of about 70 square meters, are given a car, their children have a maid to take care of them, and their salary is kept...

These attractive conditions have attracted more and more people to register. To ensure the success rate, Mr. Ly Ke Dien also set strict selection criteria for male candidates.

Living with the family's family: A way out of the burden of making a living?

Over the years, Mr. Ly Ke Dien has helped more than 1,000 men become sons-in-law.

Mr. Ly Ke Dien's office receives many applications for in-law registration - Photo: Sohu

According to custom, after living with his wife’s family, the man can be divided a house of about 70 square meters or receive 2.1 million yuan (more than 7 billion dong). The reason is because after the land is cleared, local people are often divided apartments or compensated with money. However, the condition is that the children must carry the mother’s surname, the man must take responsibility for raising the children, if divorced, the children will belong to the woman.

Many young people who are about to graduate or have just graduated from school come to Mr. Ly Ke Dien. There was a male student (22 years old) who took the initiative to contact Mr. Ly, saying that his family was in the countryside and he had an older brother.

A few years ago, when his brother got married, his parents had to borrow a lot of money to pay for the house and the wedding ceremony. He did not want his parents to continue to suffer, so he wanted to live with his wife's family, so that he could handle the big marriage more easily right after graduating.

In the past 5 years, the number of people wanting to live with their wives' families has been increasing. Mr. Ly Ke Dien said: "In the early days of opening up, people who wanted to live with their families' families' families often had low levels of education, the highest being a secondary school degree. Nowadays, the number of people with high levels of education is increasing, including many people with master's and doctoral degrees.

Previously, the men who came to live with the wife's family were mainly from other provinces and had rural household registration. Now, the ratio of people with urban and rural household registration is equal.

If you want to live with your wife's family, the selection criteria are not simple.

However, being a son-in-law is not an easy task. From the time his hair was still jet black to the time it turned white, Mr. Ly Ke Dien trained himself to have a sharp eye.

Right at the office entrance, he used a pen to draw a height ruler. He explained: "The minimum height standard for a son-in-law is 1m70. If he is a doctor, a civil servant, has a good income, and is good-looking, he can reduce it by 2cm."

Image of customers coming to work at Mr. Ly Ke Dien's marriage matchmaking office - Photo: Sohu

After completing the basic information declaration, Mr. Ly Ke Dien will take out a set of documents and ask them to review them carefully. If they do not meet any of the conditions, they can automatically leave.

The first requirement is the credit score. The male applicant must open the Alipay app for Mr. Li Jiyan to see his Sesame score. 560 points is the basic requirement, 600 points is good, and above 700 points is excellent.

Next, you must have a stable job, with an annual income of at least 120,000 NDT (more than 400 million VND). Those who work in government agencies are most welcome because the job is stable, not too busy, and can take better care of the family.

If the job is normal and the education level is not high, Mr. Ly Ke Dien requires male candidates to have at least some skills.

In addition, you also have to pay attention to some other small details, for example, having a tattoo longer than 3cm is not allowed, and having a fierce appearance is also not allowed.

After passing the first round, candidates can go home to prepare documents including: photocopies of ID cards, photocopies of household registration books (proof of unmarried status), graduation certificates, health certificates (to screen for genetic diseases)...

Living with the family's family - Not a step to heaven

As more and more people come to register, the choice becomes more difficult because each person's reasons and motivations are different.

Some people have suggested that after becoming a son-in-law, the son-in-law can quit his job and become a house husband, or be given an additional house for his biological parents to live in. These requests have all been rejected by the bride's family.

Mr. Ly Ke Dien hopes that both men and women can establish correct values ​​and concepts about love and marriage. He said: "We do not welcome people who want to find "bach phu me" (rich, beautiful girl), nor do we welcome people who want to find "cao phu soai" (tall, rich, handsome guy).

When looking for a husband, the most important thing is character and responsibility. If you live with your wife's family just to enjoy life and depend on your wife's family, you will definitely not succeed!"

Success stories

If the matchmaking is successful and the marriage proceeds, all procedures will be reversed. The bride's family will usually offer a dowry, usually 288,000 NDT (nearly 1 billion VND). Mr. Ly Ke Dien will tell the groom's family in advance that he will only accept 20,000 - 30,000 NDT (more than 60 million VND - nearly 100 million VND). The remaining amount must be returned to the bride's family, so the groom's family does not need to worry about preparing a dowry.

Since most of the men who live with their parents-in-law are not from Hangzhou, on the wedding day, the rituals will be reversed. The groom usually wears a suit, puts on makeup, sits in the hotel and waits for the bride's car to pick him up, and usually does not invite relatives from the countryside to attend the wedding. Some people only call their parents in the countryside to inform them that they are married. Their parents only know that their children have families in the big city, and they do not want to know anything else.

Mr. Ly Ke Dien recounted that once he was invited to a wedding and was arranged to sit in a hidden corner because people would see him and immediately know that the groom was probably introduced by a matchmaking agency, which would create a lot of gossip. He smiled bitterly: "Everyone seemed to have let go of their pride, but it also seemed like they still hadn't completely let go."

Previously, there was also a successful son-in-law who came back to thank him. This man decided to become a son-in-law because his family was in financial difficulty. He said he met a good family. Not long after becoming a son-in-law, because his wife's parents were getting old, the family company needed a manager so they handed it over to him. From an employee, he suddenly became a senior manager. However, this is not a story of "a mouse falling into a jar of rice" because he himself has a doctorate degree and has previous management experience.

Source: https://tuoitre.vn/dan-ong-trung-quoc-va-xu-huong-tu-bo-cai-toi-de-o-re-20240913224044906.htm