When shouting loses its power

In parenting, especially during exam periods, the biggest mistake parents make is turning themselves into "signal-sending machines" constantly with commands like: "Study!", "The exam is coming up, why are you still sitting there?". Psychology Master's degree holder Nguyen Thi Lanh (Minh Tri Thanh Academy Joint Stock Company) affirms: "Shouting or criticizing only causes the child's brain to 'freeze' or become rebellious."

Instead of creating a psychological battle, wise parents choose to respect their children's feelings. Because results don't come from the number of hours spent at the desk, but from the level of deep concentration. When children feel understood, they no longer waste energy dealing with their parents, but instead dedicate all that energy to achieving their highest performance.

Many students carry their own pressures during exam season. (Illustrative image)

The "pincer" called self-expectations.

However, there is a thought-provoking reality: Even when parents have learned to let go of their authoritarianism, many students still feel suffocated in their own rooms. The pressure doesn't come from shouting from outside, but from the "shackles" of their own home. These are burdens they impose on themselves. It's the desire to prove themselves, the fear of becoming a "failure" in the eyes of their loved ones, inadvertently turning the wish to make their parents proud into an immense weight.

According to psychologist Nguyen Thi Lanh, pressure has a dual nature. If placed at a moderate level, it acts like an electric current stimulating thinking, creating motivation for students to achieve their goals. But when expectations exceed an individual's capacity, it immediately backfires. At this point, the brain no longer functions to absorb knowledge but switches to a "fight or flight" mechanism. The time spent studying may double or triple, but the knowledge acquired is only vague, forced fragments.

The consequences extend beyond just grades. When the psychological "spring" is compressed excessively without any release point, it silently destroys the body and soul of the students. Physically, students easily fall into a spiral of insomnia, loss of appetite, stomach pain, etc. Mentally, the emptiness and suffocation that overwhelms them can easily make them irritable or withdraw into a shell of solitude. The tears shed in the darkness are not just because of a difficult math problem, but because of a feeling of disappointment in themselves.

According to Master's degree holder Nguyen Thi Lanh, the solution to breaking this deadlock is not to tell children "stop expecting," but to help them transform pressure into "aspiration" from an early age. When the purpose of studying is only to "please others" or to "get high grades," the pressure becomes immense. But when the reason is significant enough – studying to become a valuable person, to build a future, to succeed and help others in society – then the effort will come naturally from within. At that point, the exam is no longer a "death sentence," but a stepping stone for them to confidently reach their dreams.

Psychologist Nguyen Thi Lanh shared her parenting methods with parents during a session.

The result of one exam does not determine the entire journey.

To prevent children from being overwhelmed by their own expectations, parents need to help them change their mindset: Exam results aren't everything; children can learn from life and from successful people. Academic knowledge only accounts for half of their preparation.

To help candidates reduce stress, Ms. Nguyen Thi Lanh, M.A., offers three specific guidelines:

Guide your children in creating specific plans because stress largely stems from disorganized and chaotic work. Break down large goals into smaller, daily tasks.

Don't study to the point of exhaustion. Proper rest allows the brain to regenerate, preventing knowledge gaps at the most crucial time.

Talk to your children regularly, ask them questions, and confide in them to understand what they are thinking. Most importantly, help them learn to understand and acknowledge their own efforts instead of just focusing on grades.

The high school graduation exam, or any other exam for that matter, is not the end. If students continue to live in fear of failure, their future will be held back at the age of 18.

Parents should remind their children that this is just an open exam to guide them. Some doors may close, but many other opportunities will open, sometimes even better than they expect. Let love and dreams be the driving force, instead of turning grades into a burden on their shoulders.

    Source: https://www.qdnd.vn/giao-duc-khoa-hoc/cac-van-de/giai-phap-giup-con-doi-mat-voi-ap-luc-thi-cu-1041380