Headache of summer 'war': Parents are afraid their children will forget their lessons, they just want to go out and play

Every summer, instead of resting and relaxing after a stressful school year, many families fall into a 'smoldering war' called: parents tutoring their children at home.

Students participating in the final round of the 10th "Young Chef" competition organized by the Departmentof Education and Training of Ho Chi Minh City - Photo: HO NHUONG

In the context of tightening extra teaching and learning, especially in areas without knowledge enrichment centers, this pressure becomes even more evident.

Summer 'War'

Many parents share that summer makes them more tired than during the school year. After work in the afternoon, before they can rest, they have to flip through books, review lessons, sit next to their children to remind them of each calculation, each paragraph because they are afraid that their children will fall behind their friends, afraid that their children will forget the knowledge.

Meanwhile, after a stressful school year, children just want to be free to play and relax properly. The difference in expectations between adults and children can easily lead to tension and discord, making summer a "war at home".

Kim Phat, a 4th grader in Quang Ngai , honestly shared: "After a year of studying, I just wanted to rest, but my mother made me review my lessons, so I felt a bit uncomfortable. Every time I studied, my mother scolded me, so I didn't want to study anymore, I just wanted to go out and play with my friends."

Ms. Le Kim Thao, a parent in Ho Chi Minh City, said that normally the mother and child get along very well, but for some reason, every time they sit down to study, they don't understand the problem and then argue a lot. The class often ends in tears. "That's why I used to send my child to extra classes to avoid unnecessary conflicts," Ms. Thao said.

Ms. Thao's story reveals a fairly common reality: when studying becomes a cause of stress in the family, many parents are forced to find a solution of "extra studying" not only to help their children progress, but also to maintain peace in the home.

Accompany instead of impose

According to psychologist - Dr. Nguyen Thi Thu Hien, to raise children effectively, parents need to not only be guides but also become their children's companions. The first important thing is to listen actively and respond positively.

When children share about mistakes or conflicts, parents should patiently listen to the end, not interrupting or denying their feelings. Instead of just focusing on finding right or wrong, ask: "How do you feel?", "What do you want to happen?"...

Ms. Hien also noted the way of communicating and talking in the family. Seemingly harmless statements like "why are you so bad", "you are so naughty" can create long-term damage. Instead, use supportive words like: "This is not quite right, but let's fix it together", or "What are you having difficulty with, can your parents help?".

"A positive communication environment will help children build a foundation of confidence, instead of feeling inferior or reacting negatively," Ms. Hien advised.

Similarly, Dr. Nguyen Thi Dieu Anh - lecturer of psychology, University of Social Sciences and Humanities, Ho Chi Minh City National University - believes that children's cooperation does not come from imposition, but is the result of a long-term, patient and consistent process of companionship.

According to Ms. Dieu Anh, if parents want their children to listen and cooperate, they first need to spend quality time with them. For young children, that time is spent playing together. For older children, especially teenagers, it is a time to talk and share, where children feel the trust and respect of their parents.

Another important factor is role modeling. Children learn how to behave largely by observing adults. If parents communicate politely, respectfully, and use positive language with their children, these will become behavioral patterns that the children will adopt and reproduce.

In addition, when making requests, parents should clearly explain the reason so that children understand "why this needs to be done" and not just "do it because parents say so". When children do it correctly, timely recognition and encouragement will help children realize what positive behavior is expected, thereby developing self-esteem and intrinsic motivation.

Finally, love must be accompanied by principles. Establishing clear, age-appropriate rules will help children understand behavioral boundaries, thereby practicing discipline, self-control, and gradually forming moral values.

Learn by playing

Sharing about his summer plans for his daughter, Mr. Truong Hoang Khoa (HCMC) said that instead of forcing his daughter to study intensively, he chose a gentle approach, focusing on practicing English communication skills in a comfortable environment.

"We are a group of parents who gathered about 4-5 children together, then invited foreigners to talk with the children on specific topics. The lessons have no notebooks, no grades, no pressure, just simply talking together, practicing English speaking skills naturally," Mr. Khoa shared.

Summer is not just about learning

Dr. Nguyen Thi Dieu Anh believes that parents need to understand more correctly and fully the concept of "learning". "Learning is not just about memorizing knowledge from books. Learning is also the process of developing intelligence, emotions, personality and life skills such as problem solving, critical thinking, communication, teamwork, managing emotions and behavior, and dealing with failure...", she analyzed.

So summer shouldn’t be limited to extra classes or a packed schedule. It’s a precious time for children to learn in their own way, from everyday activities like cooking with their parents, playing sports, helping with housework, to participating in outdoor activities, volunteering or learning a new skill.

Similarly, Dr. Giang Thien Vu - lecturer of psychology department, Ho Chi Minh City University of Education - also believes that summer is a valuable opportunity to comprehensively develop life skills, emotions and critical thinking.

Mr. Vu suggested practical activities such as building a habit of independence through weekly planning and appropriate housework; developing social-emotional skills by organizing conversations, sharing emotions and reading stories; stimulating creative and critical thinking through strategic games, small projects and observing nature; participating in community experience and volunteer activities...

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Source: https://tuoitre.vn/dau-dau-cuoc-chien-ngay-he-cha-me-so-con-quen-bai-con-chi-muon-di-choi-20250526085831899.htm