Excerpt from the book "Going towards peace": Like a sunflower escaping violence

"I am currently a spa owner in a town in a central province. My husband and I have a son and our life is truly a dream, to the point that sometimes I don't know if it's a dream or reality."

Things I want to forget

I grew up with heavy memories of my father beating my mother. I still remember that feeling of helplessness, when I was too young, and could do nothing to intervene. My mother’s tears and wounds continued from one night to the next, old wounds healed and new ones were added.

From that moment on, I thought, if only my mother could leave my father, if only we could live together without having to worry about being beaten for any reason. That would be great!

My mother was abused, and her children were not spared. I was naughty and often got beaten. I dropped out of school after 10th grade and decided to go to the South to find work.

I just thought simply: leaving my family, I could decide my own life, could live peaceful days, without being scolded, nagged, or beaten.

Cover of the book "Going towards peace".

After working at the company for a year, when I returned home, my neighbor invited me to go to China with some friends.

At that time, I was only 15 years old, didn't know much about society out there, heard my sister's invitation and felt comfortable so I went, only told my mother privately that I was going out. I never imagined that that innocent nod would change my life forever.

Leaving our hometown, we were taken to Mong Cai, then crossed the border to Guangdong, China. When we arrived in Guangdong, my friends and I were separated into two different groups for easier control.

At first, we were kept in a house full of Vietnamese people. Not daring to protest, because protesting or crying would result in being beaten, I just quietly paid attention to how people made phone calls. Two months later, when I found an opportunity, I stole the phone and called my mother.

After a brief conversation with my mother, the Chinese police checked us and arrested us and put us in jail for a month. After the detention period ended, they took us to the Mong Cai border gate. Without hesitation, I ran straight to the Mong Cai police station. I was waited for there until my mother came to pick me up and take me back to Hanoi .

The days of detention in China left me in a state of shock. The situation got worse at night, to the point that I had hallucinations, constantly fearing that someone was standing behind me to push me or harm me.

Seeing my mental health condition, the police advised my mother to take me to the Peace House in Hanoi for temporary stay.

Looking back, I always thank the Peace House for taking me in and helping me when I was at my weakest and most depressed. In addition to giving me a place to stay, the staff here helped me find a psychologist for treatment.

Six times a week, two doctors talked to me, comforted me, and helped me release the psychological burdens that always haunted me. Later, when my condition improved, meaning the feeling of depression and despair gradually decreased, my therapy time was reduced to three times a week.

When I recovered, I was allowed to leave the Peace House and return to my hometown. By this time, the story of my being sold to China had spread throughout the village. Whenever I went out, people would point and gossip.

My parents told me to get married to avoid gossip. I was tired of the way people looked at me so I agreed to marry someone from my hometown.

Marriage is not a joke

Once again, I paid a heavy price for my hasty decision. When I wore a wedding dress to my husband's house, I was not old enough to register my marriage. Legally, we were not legally married. Only the neighbors knew that I was married, that was all.

After living together for a while, I discovered that my husband was a drug addict. Not only that, he was also violent. Whenever he got mad, he would beat his wife: he would beat her when she didn't have money to buy drugs, he would beat her when I nagged him, he would beat her when she didn't like the food.

Only then did I understand that my husband inherited his father's violent behavior. My father-in-law often drank alcohol, often beat his mother-in-law, and at midnight he would drag his wife out to beat her, sometimes even chasing her with a knife. For a long time, every night, everyone in my husband's family had to carry their motorbikes and belongings and run away, every day.

Before, at home, I thought my mother's life was miserable enough, not knowing that my mother-in-law's life was hell on earth.

Then when I experienced being abused by my husband, I realized more deeply the suffering of women who depend on men all their lives, not knowing how to change their adversity.

The girl ran away from a violent family and an abusive marriage.

I never thought of asking the women's union or the police to intervene. My mother-in-law's example is still there. She reported to the women's union and the commune police, but no one could help her. They just reminded her a few times and tried to reconcile a few times.

The beatings did not stop, sometimes my father-in-law used them as an excuse to beat her even more severely. "Go report this," each harsh sentence followed by a punch or a kick made me think that if I did not leave this family soon, my fate would be completely crushed by beatings, just like my mother-in-law.

One time, I don't remember clearly why my husband went crazy. I only remember that I was beaten very brutally. My husband also locked the door. I don't remember clearly who unlocked it and escaped in the middle of the night, running to my uncle's house for shelter. The next day, I heard my husband say that if he caught me, he would kill me.

In that uncertain situation, I thought of Peace House again. This time, I found Hanoi by myself to seek temporary residence. Luckily, the uncles welcomed me with open arms.

During calls home, I learned that my husband gambled every day to earn money to buy drugs. If you stay out at night too much, one day you will meet a ghost. After a while, my husband was arrested.

Returning from Peaceful House, I thought a lot. I understood why many women like my mother and my mother-in-law were often abused mentally and physically by their husbands, but still gritted their teeth and endured, still not daring to leave their abusive husbands.

Maybe it's because they have no other choice, maybe it's because they're afraid, have low self-esteem, that if they leave their family alone, they won't be able to survive, maybe they're afraid they'll become the gossip of the whole village.

Thinking so, I decided to give my husband a chance to make amends. My husband seemed to know his mistake and stopped beating his wife like before, but his drug addiction did not improve.

I still remember the feeling of waking up every morning, feeling that the future before me was so bleak. Then I thought to myself that I was still so young, should I just let life be like this?

Finally, I decided to leave home, also leaving behind this illegal marriage.

Nurturing hope

The third time I entered the Peace House, I was very different from the previous me. I put away my carefree appearance and started to focus on my studies, hoping to find an opportunity to change my life.

At first, I was guided by my uncles to study hotel tourism . But because I had dropped out of school for a long time, I could not learn English.

Seeing that I really wanted to learn the profession, Ms. Bich introduced me to study Oriental medicine. Unexpectedly, I adapted very well to this job, my studies were smooth, and I have been in this profession until now.

After my time at the Peace House ended, I rented a room outside and continued to go back and forth to learn a trade. Those days were not without hardship, but I felt like I had found the meaning of life, that as long as I was self-reliant, I could choose the life I wanted.

After studying and working for about a year, I decided to move to Ho Chi Minh City. It took me 5 years before these nightmares stopped tormenting me. Only then did I realize that time and being busy are the most effective remedies, much more effective than the dancing I did when I was a child.

During those 5 years, my ex-husband tried many times to contact and hold on. Every holiday, he texted and called to ask how I was. But I had fallen once, I no longer wanted to repeat that tragedy. I didn’t answer my calls, I didn’t reply to my messages.

Time has made my hatred towards my ex-husband gradually fade away. Sometimes I even secretly thank that man. Because of his bad treatment, I tried to rise up. Otherwise, my life would probably be forever tied to that life with no future.

When things gradually calmed down, and my economy was stable, I decided to return to my hometown to start a business. If I stayed in Ho Chi Minh City, I would probably have to work for hire until old age.

The salary is just enough to live on. If she marries a man in the same situation, the couple will have to work very hard to be able to steer the family in this expensive city.

When I returned, many people looked at me with unfavorable eyes and gossiped about me. My past was so full of stories, how could I shut people's mouths? I got used to it, I just did my own thing, not paying much attention to other people's gossip.

Safe harbor

It was at this time that I met my current husband. A very gentle man, so gentle that he was overwhelmed by the quick-witted people who came to flirt with me at that time. But I fell for him.

They say once bitten by a snake, ten years afraid of rope. I am still young, I cannot stay single forever. Marriage is only a matter of time. But this time I chose very carefully. I opened my eyes wide to observe the character of my husband and his family.

When I knew my husband grew up in a very happy family, where parents, children, and siblings loved and respected each other, I knew this was the person I wanted to live with.

At that time, some people said I was stupid, why didn't I choose someone with better economic circumstances, but I knew, a man with morals and who loved his wife and children was the husband I needed.

I am currently the owner of a spa in my hometown, my wife and I have a son and life is truly a dream, to the point that sometimes I myself feel like I don't know if it is a dream or reality.

Telling this story, I just want to send a message to those who are suffering from domestic violence to try to overcome mistakes and adversity. What I have experienced, I can never erase. The difficulties facing me are not small.

In addition to trying to overcome adversity, I also have to try to overcome myself, overcome those who look down on me, and try to have a brighter future.

The road is long and difficult, but as long as we try hard, a little bit every day, then life will reward us.

Just like a sunflower always wants to turn towards the sun, as long as you have determination, faith, love and hope, you will overcome darkness and suffering to find happiness for yourself.

Phuong Hoa (According to dantri.com.vn)

Source: https://baovinhphuc.com.vn/tin-tuc/Id/105128/Trich-sach-