"I failed my wish, mom!"
That seemingly simple sentence can contain so much disappointment, sadness and shame of a child who has just gone through the first difficult exam in his life. That sentence is also a test for the understanding and love of parents.
The 2025 high school entrance exam and graduation exam have officially ended, bringing joy to many families but also tears to many.
When the results are not as expected, the important thing is not how many points the child is missing or where he/she went wrong, but what the parents will say, do, and accompany the child so that the child learns that this door closing does not mean there is no way forward for him/her.
Which reaction hurts you more?
On the evening of July 4, the Literature, Math, and Foreign Language exam scores for 10th graders of more than 100,000 candidates, along with the admission scores for schools, were widely announced by Hanoi. Many students successfully entered their dream schools, but many others were devastated because their scores were not enough or regretted that they "wished they had tried a little harder".
When their children fail an exam, some parents find it hard to avoid comparing their children with others, blaming them, or being silent with them.
These responses are to be avoided during a child's sensitive time, and are not civilized ways to help your child recover mentally.
Many parents unintentionally hurt their children with statements like "You passed the A exam, why aren't you as good as your friends?", "Your parents worked hard to raise you, and this is how you repay them?", or even looks of disappointment or coldness... which can leave long-term psychological trauma for children.
At the age when personal identity is forming, failing an exam can easily cause children to label themselves as “incompetent” or “useless”. If parents unintentionally confirm this with harsh words and disappointed looks, children will lose confidence in themselves even more, especially at the time when they are most vulnerable.
How to help your child know that failure is the beginning of success
According to theeducation website Superprof (UK), for parents, the most important thing after their child fails an exam is not to find fault or criticize "what they should have done", but to help their child deal with negative emotions such as sadness, shame, and self-blame.
Superprof points out the most recognizable signs in children when they have psychological problems such as avoiding their parents' eyes, self-deprecating, isolating themselves, and being afraid to communicate.
During these sensitive times, experts say it's most important to help children process their personal emotions.
Parents should start with gentle listening and kind gestures to create a sense of security for children, such as: "How are you feeling?", "Do you want to talk about the exam?", "Mom and Dad are always here if you need them."
The above questions do not put your child in a position of being forced to share his pain, but will suggest to him that his parents are not disappointed, not imposing, but are willing to be his companion.
Then, when your child is calmer and ready to share, parents can help them step by step look back and choose the path forward.
Parents need to guide their children to make their own decisions, so that they feel valuable and responsible for the future.
In addition, parents should share with their children that failure is a part of growing up, because everyone has stumbled in life.
Successful people are always those who have failed countless times before reaching the top, because they always get up after falling and never give up.
A civilized and understanding education will make parents the strongest support for their children when they are weak, so that their children believe that: An exam cannot measure all the value and capacity of a person, and there will always be many paths leading to dreams.
Source: https://vietnamnet.vn/con-thi-truot-roi-cha-me-lam-gi-de-con-khong-guc-nga-2419486.html
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