Life of children in the countryside when grandparents are also parents

Children live with their grandparents from birth, leaving their parents to go to the city to make a living.

In reality, many parents in rural areas are forced to work in the city or go abroad to work, leaving their children with grandparents to take care of.

In Eakar commune, Dak Lak province, many rural families face this situation where parents go to work to make ends meet, while children mainly live with their grandparents. Due to limited economic conditions, many grandparents still have to work in the fields, and can only take their grandchildren to school in the morning and pick them up in the evening.

Children's education and daily activities are almost entirely dependent on school, while grandparents only teach their grandchildren based on experience or lack the time to care for and guide them further. Many grandparents only fulfill their basic caregiving duties and find it difficult to closely monitor the child's development.

Vừa là ông bà, vừa kiêm cha mẹ ở những làng quê - Ảnh 1. — Children at Nguyen Van Cu Primary School, Eakar Commune, Dak Lak Province study in a civilized educational environment.

Ms. Pham Thi Thuy (village 3 Cu Ni, Ea Kar commune, Dak Lak province), expressed: "My mother had to go to Ho Chi Minh City to find work after giving birth to me, so I have been with me since I was born. I raise my child the same way I used to. Sometimes I miss my mother, and I feel sorry for her, but because of the circumstances, I have to accept it."

Many impacts on children's mental health and social-emotional development

Leaving children in the care of grandparents instead of parents can have a negative impact on children's mental health and social-emotional development, especially lacking protective factors such as emotional connection, self-esteem or regular support from parents. Moreover, children who live away from their parents for a long time often have less attachment, difficulty sharing, and as children grow older, it becomes more difficult for parents to understand their children's inner lives.

According to the study "The Psychological Well-Being among Left-Behind Children of Labor Migrant Parents in Rural Northern Vietnam" (Nguyen Van Luot, Nguyen Ba Dat, Faculty of Psychology, University of Social Sciences and Humanities, Vietnam National University, Hanoi, Vietnam, 2017), children living far from their parents often face many psychological and behavioral difficulties. Children are easily distracted, hyperactive, sad, anxious and lonely. They also have difficulty making friends and are easily isolated, and tend to be impulsive, defiant or disruptive in the classroom.

Vừa là ông bà, vừa kiêm cha mẹ ở những làng quê - Ảnh 2. — Teachers care for and look after students

This problem also leaves clear signs on children's lives and studies. Ms. Pham Thi Nhien (teacher at Nguyen Van Cu Primary School, Eakar Commune, Dak Lak Province) said: "I really sympathize with students whose parents work far away and have to live with their grandparents. Although some of them are not economically disadvantaged compared to their friends, they really need the support of their parents to develop more comprehensively. Many children have difficulty concentrating in class, forget their lessons, and are often naughty and hyperactive."

Ms. Nhien added: "Many grandparents in the countryside are old and rarely use the phone. In the digital age, most of the information teachers send is online, but sometimes it is difficult for grandparents to keep up and fully grasp the situation of their children. Occasionally, I also call to discuss directly with parents about their children's studies, but it is not always convenient because of the geographical distance and parents' working hours."

In addition to the psychological aspect, lacking direct support from parents, many children have to manage their daily lives under the care of their grandparents. Due to conditions and generation gap, they also have little opportunity to access technology to serve their studies, and are not closely supervised in knowledge like their peers. Their nutritional regime is only at a basic level. In addition, they also lack fun activities, experiences and social interactions.

Ms. Pham Thi Yen (Village 4 Cu Ni, Ea Kar Commune, Dak Lak Province) shared: "My grandchild who lives with me mainly goes to school, and in the afternoon I pick him up to cook and do laundry. Since he was a child, whatever my family eats, he eats the same dishes, I don't cook anything for him. When he has time off, he goes out to play by himself, and I'm also busy so I rarely have time to help him with his studies." Ms. Yen's story reflects the reality that many children who are cared for by their grandparents are only provided with basic needs for food and daily activities.

Research on the topic "Child development beyond the nutrition-specific models: bridging the pathways via psychosocial stimulation Blessy" (E David, Sanjay Kumar, 2023); roughly translated: "Comprehensive development in children: beyond the nutrition models through psychosocial stimulation", also shows that nutrition only really brings positive development results when accompanied by psychological and social support factors, such as storytelling, play, participation in arts or crafts.

This shows that, in addition to providing nutritious meals, children also need to be nurtured in terms of social skills. For children whose parents work far away, this gap in companionship and care is often difficult to fill, leaving a lasting impact on their comprehensive development.

Vừa là ông bà, vừa kiêm cha mẹ ở những làng quê - Ảnh 3. — Lovely moment of a student of Nguyen Van Cu Primary School, Eakar Commune, Dak Lak Province

In this context, the role of the school becomes especially important. Teachers not only teach but also have to closely monitor children's behavior, psychology and create an environment for them to feel safe and share their emotions. Ms. Nhien said: "We try to spend time observing the children and supporting them in their studies. Some children need daily encouragement to maintain their interest in learning."

Mr. Tran Van Canh, Vice Principal of Le Dinh Chinh Primary School, Ea Pal Commune, Dak Lak Province, shared: "Due to the circumstances, no one wants their parents to work far away. Therefore, the school always reminds and raises the sense of responsibility of teachers in closely paying attention to the learning situation of students so that parents can feel more secure. In fact, in many classes, homeroom teachers also regularly communicate with grandparents or relatives to grasp the living situation of children. This close monitoring helps many children maintain their motivation to study and be more attached to school."

In addition to the responsibilities of schools and teachers, parents are also advised to maintain regular contact with their children even though they work far away.

Regarding this aspect, Mr. Canh added: "In my opinion, parents should regularly contact each day to grasp the situation and create closer relationships with their children. If parents can arrange their work, try to spend time with their children. At the same time, parents should also discuss with grandparents to agree on ways to care, show concern and educate, helping children receive synchronization in both emotions and education."

Parents accompanying their children, even from a distance, is not only a responsibility but also a fundamental factor in helping children develop comprehensively.

Source: https://thanhnien.vn/cuoc-song-nhung-dua-tre-o-lang-que-khi-ong-ba-kiem-cha-me-185251002094119655.htm