Shared space is lost.

Family meals are becoming increasingly rare as parents are caught up in the daily grind of earning a living and children are immersed in the whirlwind of schoolwork and extracurricular activities. As a result, warm and intimate spaces for sharing among family members are gradually disappearing.

FAMILY MEALS… LET SOMEONE ELSE TAKE CARE OF THEM

"We eat to live, not live to eat," Mr. VH, residing in Binh Chanh District, Ho Chi Minh City, dismissed the fact that many people were surprised by his family's long-standing practice of each person eating separately, with family members not gathering for dinner together. Mr. VH explained: "Both my wife and I are busy, working from morning until late at night. Our children are at school all day, and then we take them to various extra classes in the evening. If we all gathered at home at 8 PM to start cooking, we wouldn't get to eat until late at night. Everyone in my family has different tastes; there are many dishes I like, but my wife doesn't want to eat." His family's choice is that whoever gets home first eats first, preparing their own meals. On weekends, they eat out together or order food online, which is more convenient.

A warm family meal is created when family members participate in cooking and cleaning together.

Two months ago, during an interview with a female delivery driver in her 50s, a single mother in Binh Tan District, Ho Chi Minh City, I asked her: "You work all day like this, how do you prepare meals for your daughter at home?" She replied that she eats whatever she can find, sometimes bread, sometimes a box of sticky rice. As for her daughter's food (she's in 7th grade and doesn't attend school), there are several delivery apps on her phone and the delivery drivers take care of it. Breakfast is delivered by the delivery driver, as are lunch and dinner. Some days she doesn't get home from work until 9 or 10 pm, by which time her daughter is already asleep. "I work myself to the bone, worrying about rent, tuition, and a hundred other expenses. I don't even think about cooking and eating with my daughter. She has to understand," she sighed.

Mr. Do Dinh Dao, Principal of Nguyen Huu Tho High School, District 4, Ho Chi Minh City, also acknowledged this reality after many conversations and discussions with parents. Mr. Dao said that many students confided that their parents are busy working and eat at their workplaces, while the rest of the students are given money by their parents and have mobile phones, so they can order whatever they want to eat and have it delivered to their door by a delivery person.

DO N'T INDUSTRIALIZE FAMILY MEALS

"It doesn't have to be lavish, fancy meals, but home-cooked meals or those bought from outside are fine. Parents sitting down to eat with their children will have its own special meaning. Home-cooked meals are ideal for connecting family members, for students to sit together with their parents and grandparents, sharing the joys and sorrows of the day; children can tell their parents what worries or concerns them. But because of the pressures of life, the pressures of making a living for parents, many families unintentionally lose this connection," Mr. Dao shared.

Mr. Dao once discussed with parents at the beginning of the school year that life is full of complexities, and everyone struggles to make a living, but he hoped that parents could pay more attention to their children's emotional well-being. Even if they are busy five days a week, parents should try to arrange one or two times to sit down together as a family and share a meal. Every parent works all day and is tired, but everyone should try a little harder to talk more with their children so that they feel less lonely and uncertain. At school age, children experience many anxieties.

"Parents cook, children help out, and from this, children learn life skills, self-care skills, how to help their father install a light bulb, fix a broken faucet... These things may seem small, but they are very useful when the children grow up and live their own lives. No matter how modern life becomes, we shouldn't industrialize family meals," Mr. Dao told the parents.

MEALS WITHOUT MOBILE PHONES

As a mother and educator , Ms. Pham Thuy Ha, Principal of Dang Tran Con Primary School, District 4, Ho Chi Minh City, said she felt deeply saddened to see many middle and high school students sitting on the back of their parents' motorbikes, hastily eating a sandwich in the morning or a packed lunch in the evening before rushing to tutoring centers to prepare for exams. Many graduating students cannot have dinner with their families because they are busy with extra classes. They eat whatever they can find to go to school, and sometimes return home at 9 or 10 PM.

Parents cook, children help out, and from this, children learn life skills, self-care skills, and so on.

According to Ms. Ha, although life is busy and everyone has many worries, for children to develop comprehensively both physically and mentally, all family members need to make a little extra effort. For example, if the whole family can't sit down for dinner every evening, they can try to wake up earlier in the morning, prepare breakfast, and encourage the child to eat. The whole family can have breakfast together and chat with the child during the early morning hours. Or, if possible, the father or mother can prepare dinner early in the morning so that they can cook dinner faster when they get home from work, in time for the child to eat before evening classes.

"Eating meals together is very important. During meals, parents can be closer to their children, listen to what they have to say, observe whether they are sad or happy to understand their feelings. Especially, children need quality time with their parents. Parents should set a good example; don't use your phone while eating so your children will follow suit. Put down your phone, focus on the meal, pay attention to the story your child is sharing, so they see that you value the time you spend with them," Ms. Ha shared.

The meaning of "family meal" should be broadened.

According to expert Tran Thi Que Chi, Deputy Director of the Institute for Educational Sciences and Training (IES), family meals are especially important and should be valued. During meals, family members gather and share stories about their day, from work and studies to personal issues. Family meals are a time when children can feel listened to and cared for when parents ask questions or share their thoughts.

At the same time, according to Ms. Que Chi, mealtimes provide an opportunity for children and parents alike to relieve the stresses of the day.

Ms. Que Chi argues that in today's rapidly developing society and technological boom, the failure to maintain family meals due to busy schedules for both parents and children can lead to a lack of connection and communication in real life, increasing conflicts and seriously affecting the mental health of family members. Gradually losing family meals means losing a space for sharing within the home, leading to consequences such as lack of communication and misunderstandings; increased pressure and conflict among family members.

" The world is changing rapidly, but family meals – moments when families sit together – should be maintained. Because when something negative happens, the most vulnerable group, the most easily affected, is children. They lack the resilience, experience, and physical, mental, and emotional development to cope with societal pressures. They can only rely on their families. So, if even their families cannot provide them with a safe haven, a place where they can share and confide, then who else can they share with?", Ms. Que Chi asked.

At the same time, according to Ms. Que Chi, "family meals" should not only be understood as everyone in the family eating together during main meals. It should be understood in a broader sense: all members gathering together, sharing a light snack, having drinks, and chatting. This could simply be breakfast before everyone goes to work, or a late evening meal, after everyone has finished their work, sitting together to enjoy a piece of cake, some fruit, and a cup of tea while reminiscing. The important thing is to create a safe, joyful, and happy space for children and family members.

Source: https://thanhnien.vn/nhieu-hoc-sinh-them-bua-com-gia-dinh-khong-gian-chia-se-bi-danh-mat-185241209183924973.htm