In life, everyone wishes to have true friends, to go through happy and difficult times with us, to share food, tears, and unfinished dreams. Sincere friendship is priceless. However, because of respecting each other, many people unintentionally put their friends in a difficult position, especially when money matters arise.
No one wants to believe that a single loan can ruin a friendship that has been built for decades. But in reality, many people have experienced the bitterness of losing money, losing friends, and not being able to mend their friendship.
Money, the annoying but accurate test
Our ancestors have a saying: “Money is the measure of a person’s heart”, it sounds harsh but it is very true. When in need and need to borrow, many people often give legitimate reasons such as sudden unemployment, a big family event, a sick child… As friends, we feel sorry and are willing to lend a hand to help our friends with some of the burden. But when the money goes away and does not return, everything starts to become unstable.
The borrower’s initial guilt quickly turns into embarrassment, then avoidance. The lender’s trust gradually turns into suspicion, frustration, and sometimes anger. Just one question: “When will you pay?” can turn two close friends into strangers who are afraid to see each other. That price is sometimes more expensive than the money lost.
A beautiful friendship should not be bound by debt.
A strong friendship must be nurtured with sincerity, sharing, sympathy and respect. Money, if present, should only be a supplement, not a bond.
Many people think that “friends should help each other in times of trouble”, that is not wrong. But how to help in a way that both helps your friend and does not make things difficult for yourself is the important thing. In fact, not everyone who borrows money is mean or ungrateful. There are people who are really in trouble, but the pressure of “having to pay but not knowing where to turn” makes them afraid to meet you, afraid to hear about the loan. In the end, both sides are hurt.
Refusing to lend is not bad, it is wise.
Many people think that it is selfish to refuse friends when they are in trouble. But in fact, if you are not capable or willing to “give right away”, it is best to refuse directly. It is better to lose the favor first than to lose the friend later.
You can say directly: "I'm afraid that if I'm late for the appointment, our friendship will be ruined, so I'm sorry, I don't dare to lend you money"; "Money makes people upset, I'm afraid of this. If you need other support, I'll help you as much as I can"; "I can only manage this much, if you need urgent help, I'll give it to you, consider it as support to overcome difficulties".
Remember, a sincere, tactful, clear refusal is better than nodding and then silently resenting and losing sleep just waiting for the money to come back.
Help you not only with money
Money is not always the only way to save someone from trouble. You can help them find a part-time job, connect them with reputable sources of capital, suggest them sell some assets, or simply encourage them, help with housework, and take care of their children so they can manage with peace of mind. Being present and sharing sincerely is sometimes worth more than a few dollars. It is in difficult times that people see who is willing to be there for them without turning their friends into “mobile banks”.
If you have to lend money, be as clear as a stranger.
If you have decided to lend, you should define this as a transaction, clearly stating the repayment term, amount, and method of payment. It is best to write it down on paper or at least text and save the agreement. It may sound a bit dry at first, but it is your responsibility to yourself and to the borrower.
When the deadline comes, don't be afraid to remind. Remind in a tactful, gentle, and polite way. For example: "I need to arrange money for ABC, could you help me arrange the money from yesterday?" Don't let things drag on and make it difficult to open up. The longer it takes, the harder it is to save the friendship.
Borrowing is not bad but must be fair
Many friendships still exist despite having borrowed from each other, the reason is that both parties are fair and keep their word. Once you have asked to borrow, respect yourself, make a commitment and pay on time, if it is difficult to pay, let them know in advance. Don't wait until you are asked to pay to make a promise and then stay silent. The borrower has the responsibility to maintain respect, the lender also needs to maintain transparency. Only then will the borrowing not cloud the relationship.
If you want to be friends for a long time, don't borrow from each other.
We can share many things in life, happy and sad stories, warm meals, long trips, dreams... but don't turn money into a test of trust, then lose each other just because of an unpaid debt.
If you truly love your friend, be willing to help within your ability without hurting both of you. If you truly respect each other, always put transparency and clarity first. If unfortunately due to circumstances you have to borrow money, pay it back on time, keep your word so that you can still look up at each other, and still be able to sit down next to each other like the old days when debt never came between you.
Money can be earned again. Once a good friend is lost, it can never be found again. So, if you want to be friends for a long time, don't borrow from each other, or if you have to borrow, borrow fairly, pay back fairly, and keep the friendship intact. That is the smartest and most respectful way to treat each other.
Source: https://khoahocdoisong.vn/muon-lam-ban-lau-dung-vay-muon-nhau-post1551499.html
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