Divorce - "undercurrent" in young families Last article: To make the family a sustainable home

To make a family truly a lasting home, before getting married, each adult should equip themselves with knowledge and skills to live together and organize family life; at the same time, make efforts and train themselves so that the "flame" of happiness is always warm in each family.

The family of Mr. Tran Tuan Dung - Ms. Nguyen Thi Hoang Linh (residing in Quarter 3, Long Binh Ward, Bien Hoa City) has been recognized as a provincial-level Cultural Family for many years, regularly gathering together all 3 generations in the family. Photo: T. Tam

"Keep the fire" of love and marriage

Keeping the fire burning in love is a concern for many couples who have just entered married life as well as those who have lived together for many years. However, according to the Institute for Family and Gender Studies, in 2023 (announced in early 2024), up to 60% of divorces occurred after only 1-5 years of living together, and many cases even broke up after only a few months or weeks of marriage.

In a talk on love, marriage and family at the Army Officer School 2 (Nguyen Hue University, Bien Hoa City) at the end of 2024, Master of Psychology Le Thi Huong, General Director of Hanh Phuc Viet Psychological Training and Consulting Joint Stock Company (in Thanh Hoa Province), said that many marriages broke up because the love between two people gradually faded because they could not find anything new, attractive or in tune with each other... This is also the reason why it is easy for a husband or wife to "fall in love" with someone else. Therefore, to overcome the negative impacts that occur in married life, couples need to learn how to love and love their partner again. For example, spend more time communicating with each other, maintain respect, loving words and develop together, learn conflict resolution skills, and know how to harmonize family and social work.

According to Ms. Huong, to "keep the fire" in marriage, couples need to "renew" their love by taking care of their appearance, maintaining trips and picnics together or doing common hobbies such as: playing sports, reading a book together, watching a movie together, writing letters or texting each other with loving words, giving gifts without any occasion...

From April 2024 to April 2025, the two-level people's court in the province has successfully reconciled more than 750 cases out of 11,000 divorce cases accepted.

At the talk show “Self-healing for a peaceful life” for employees of a commercial bank in Bien Hoa city in December 2024, psychologist Dr. To Nhi A, lecturer at the University of Economics and Finance, Ho Chi Minh City, shared interesting things about the issue of “self-healing” when a marriage is in trouble, so that happiness is not damaged.

Nowadays, many people are hurt and vulnerable to incidents and failures in marriage. Because they do not know how to “heal themselves”, the storms in the family become bigger and bigger and eventually lead to a breakdown. Therefore, “healing” the wounds by maintaining a strong spirit and aiming for positive values are ways to help prevent a breakdown in marriage.

According to Dr. To Nhi A, there are two ways to "heal yourself": control your emotions and have open dialogue. Specifically, in married life, when encountering negative situations such as husband or wife cheating, economic pressure, heavy responsibility, business failure, etc., you need to first control your emotions. Instead of getting angry, cursing or using violence, stay calm to think carefully about how to handle it, avoid impulsive actions that can make things worse. Next, have a frank dialogue with your partner and find a solution. Not only that, frank dialogue also helps to release negative emotions and resentment that have been suppressed for a long time, avoiding the situation of negative actions.

According to Dr. To Nhi A, if emotions become too heavy, you should seek the support of a psychologist. That is the key to helping each person overcome the trauma strongly and consider this a lesson to become more mature.

Through an online exchange with us, psychologist Le Van Thang, Director of the 247 Psychological Counseling and Therapy Center (under Nhan Hoa Viet Company Limited, headquartered in Hanoi), said that some broken marriages are due to the excessive intervention of both families.

Therefore, psychologist Le Van Thang believes that both parents should respect the young couple's right to self-determination in how to organize the family, raise children, spend money or use time during the day of the young couple... Parents should support their children and their in-laws mentally instead of criticizing or comparing them with others. If the children's family has conflicts, they need to listen to both sides, be objective instead of biased towards their own children. Only then can parents help their children overcome each storm in their marriage.

As a family that has been repeatedly recognized by the city for its cultural family, Mr. Tran Thanh Man (residing in Tan Mai ward, Bien Hoa city) proposed that, in order to limit divorce, young people preparing to get married must have a certificate of having completed a course on family organization, how to maintain happiness, how to communicate and behave in the family, raising children; have a pre-marital health check-up certificate... then they should be allowed to register for marriage. When divorcing, there must be a monetary sanction.

Mediation to resolve marital disagreements

People often say “each tree has its own flower, each family has its own situation”, the happiness or unhappiness of each family has different “faces”, therefore there is no common “formula” or “answer” that can guarantee happiness for all families. However, if done well, effective mediation can help limit divorce.

Director of the Department of Culture, Sports and Tourism Le Thi Ngoc Loan said that to preserve the traditional values of cultural families, the sector has many movements such as: innovating propaganda methods in family work, regularly inviting psychological experts to talk, exchange and share topics related to family... Thereby raising people's awareness of building happy, prosperous, progressive and civilized families.

According to Ms. Loan, currently, women's groups and unions in many localities are doing a very good job of reconciliation in general and reconciliation in marriage in particular. When seeing any family showing signs of conflict or discord, representatives of women's groups and unions at the grassroots level come to learn, support, advise, give advice, and analyze right and wrong to help family members recognize the causes of conflict and discord and resolve the conflict completely.

Currently, the court system has a conciliation room to help couples resolve conflicts to avoid divorce. According to the People's Court of Nguyen Thi Chi province, before accepting a divorce petition, the court is required to organize a conciliation session to create an opportunity for couples to review the conflict and listen to each other's views with the support of a conciliator. The conciliation process is conducted in a private, friendly space, helping the parties freely express their thoughts and feelings without pressure.

According to Ms. Chi, in the past, the two-level court has reconciled and reunited many couples through mediation sessions with the participation of experienced mediators, with expertise in family psychology, who listen objectively to both sides, analyze to help the parties recognize the cause of the conflict and propose solutions to resolve and promote understanding between husband and wife...

“If a couple still has the ability to reconcile, successful reconciliation will not only help preserve the family, but also reduce the burden on the judicial system and fundamentally resolve many negative problems that arise after a broken marriage,” said Ms. Chi.

To Tam - Hieu Nghi

Source: https://baodongnai.com.vn/phap-luat/202505/ly-hon-song-ngam-trong-gia-dinh-tre-bai-cuoi-de-gia-dinh-la-to-am-ben-vung-0dc03bd/