Family - where the wounded soul is healed

Childhood obsession

“Mom, do I look like a monkey? Am I ugly? Today my friends said I’m skinny, dark, and have a face like… a monkey.” That day after school, after looking in the mirror for a while, my younger brother hesitantly asked his mother. It seemed like my mother hadn’t thought of this situation, so after a few seconds of being “dumbfounded,” she reassured him in the way mothers usually do: “Nonsense, my friends are teasing you. My son is so handsome, just… a little skinny.” “No, my friends even said my face looks like a compass. I eat so much, why don’t I get fat, Mom? My face is something else, I like fat faces,” he persisted with his argument.

After that day, she cared more about her appearance, her personality changed completely, she was irritable and always complained: "Why did my mother give birth to me so ugly? How can I make my face look like when I was little?". I didn't know how to answer her other than to encourage her with some empty words, or advise her to "eat more". And she did eat a lot. But the 7th grade boy who hadn't reached puberty yet, even though he ate several bowls of rice each meal, his body was still very skinny. Just skinny, but in my eyes, she was very cute, not as ugly as her friends mocked.

One day, the teacher met with her mother and discussed: For a long time, she had been wearing a mask in class, to the point that her classmates could no longer remember what she looked like. In 8th grade, her homeroom teacher wanted her to take off her mask to get to know her, but she refused. She met her privately many times, gently confided in her, asked her questions, and then sternly asked her to listen, but she still could not convince her. She called her mother, worried that she had psychological problems, and discussed with her mother every way to get her to leave the mask, but one time she got upset, could not control her emotions, and cried because she thought she was being forced. From then on, she and her classmates considered her "covering her face" in class as normal, "nothing to be surprised about".

Family, the source of unconditional love

After coaxing, coaxing, threatening, and scolding her but she still did not change, my mother decided to seek advice from a psychologist. I do not know what advice she received, but I only saw her excitedly share: "Mom and Dad will persistently work with you to solve the problem from the root. You have nothing to worry about psychologically, you just lack confidence in your appearance." Since then, my mother has taken better care of me, talked to me more, and paid special attention to my diet so that I can be healthier and more confident every day. My father researched the design of single and parallel bars, bought dumbbells of all weights for me to practice freely, and even arranged my work reasonably to have time to jog with me every afternoon. As for me, I bought her beautiful masks and "cute" workout clothes. She also proactively searched for information on social networks about how to exercise and eat scientifically with the determination to "get rid of being skinny" as soon as possible.

My perseverance and efforts have been rewarded. I am happy that during the health check-up in grade 9, after reviewing the indicators from the previous year, the medical staff exclaimed in surprise that I grew up quickly and had bulging muscles. I also have a passion for arm wrestling, and during recess I happily go to classes to "compete with my friends in strength and size". On holidays, I go to the club to meet people with the same hobby and am very proud because "I can arm wrestle even 2k7, 2k8 guys". Not only that, I am also an enthusiastic "coach" of "small" friends like me in the past.

On the day of taking graduation photos, I voluntarily took off my mask amid the applause and encouragement of my friends: “So handsome, my friend is so handsome!”. My mother looked at me with boundless happiness. For the first time since 7th grade, I agreed to let my mother post my photos on social media.

Standing next to a 1m70 tall, 65kg boy about to enter high school, I felt so small because of his modest height of “more than 1m50”. The younger brother who was “body shamed” back then is now confident, steadfast, open, and active thanks to the care and love of the whole family. Back then, if his father did not understand, his mother did not care, leaving him confused in self-consciousness and sadness, he would still be struggling with his own worries.

In order for my brother to be who he is today, my family is truly grateful for the thoughtful advice of Dr. Do Nghiem Thanh Phuong, Head of the Department of Social Work for Children and Families, Faculty of Social Work, Hanoi National University of Education: “For victims of “body shaming” (a term referring to the act of body shaming), first of all, they need to share with their relatives about the behaviors they have to endure and dare to stand up and oppose those behaviors. As for the family, it is the most reliable support for victims of “body shaming”. The family needs to always accompany the children, stand by them to speak out against body shaming behaviors, help them improve and take care of themselves; especially encourage, motivate, emphasize their other strengths, and promote their self-pride”.

“It doesn’t matter how big our house is, what matters is the love that resides in it,” I remember someone saying. Indeed, my house is small, in a small alley, but there is great love in it. The unconditional love of the whole family has encouraged my younger brother to overcome himself. Until now, although my two sisters have grown up, and I am about to celebrate my 22nd birthday, we are still little children in the loving arms of our parents.

Source: https://baolaocai.vn/gia-dinh-noi-chua-lanh-nhung-ton-thuong-tam-hon-post403978.html