Short story: Wind through the cajuput forest

The cyclo stalled along the road as the afternoon sun was slowly disappearing behind the dark blue horizon. The passengers on the bus packed up their luggage and walked away, leaving me alone, fumbling with my huge bag, sniffing impatiently. The driver crawled out from under the bus, his face covered in oil, and smiled apologetically at me:

- I give up, miss. Without spare parts, you can't run. Let me find a way to take you home. With such a heavy bag and the distance from here to school, how can you walk? - After saying that, the driver turned and left.

I forced a smile even though my stomach was shaking. The red dirt road was long and deserted, with endless green cajuput trees on both sides; a strange place, a long road, and it was getting dark, how could I not be afraid?

About twenty minutes later, the driver returned with the young man on his motorbike. He stood rubbing his hands and smiling gently:

- I asked Bao to take you back to school, and I'll find a way to fix this car. Sorry for bothering you, the car is always broken, but I still want to take you to your destination safely.

He turned to pat the young man on the shoulder:

- Thanks Bao, let's have a round of banh len with you one day. Who knows, maybe you'll thank me back then. Ha ha - The cheerful driver smiled at the guy named Bao but his eyes were on me.

- Ahem...I hope the new teacher stays rooted in this flooded land for...the benefit of her students!

This time he smiled at me but his eyes were on the boy named Bao.

I sat in the back of the car, clutching my bag tightly, silently wishing to get there soon. Years of living in the city had made me suspicious and wary.

- Watch out, I'm a crook.

The guy spoke as if he was reading my mind.

- You should be careful too, I'm a robber who specializes in using a knife to control the driver from behind to rob.

- Let's draw a line - I bet the guy was smiling.

Illustration: Internet

After helping me get back to school on my first day of work, Bao often came to the teachers’ dormitory to sing, play chess with everyone, and occasionally chatted and asked me about my hometown, family, friends, and hobbies. My colleagues teased me that I had just come to school and had already planted an ancient banyan tree. I laughed and denied it, but inside I felt a vague flutter.

This morning I received a letter from Huy. Each familiar line, full of love, made me feel sad and confused. “...Try to endure the hardship for a while, until you get your degree, then come back here to me. Remember to practice listening and speaking English fluently because I am applying for you to be a tour guide in a travel company. I miss you so much and hope to have you by my side forever.”

I fiddled with the letter in my hand and sighed. It was so much fun here, not sad at all. After class, my colleagues and students and I went to check the nets, unload the fishing rods, pick water lilies to cook sour soup, row the boat to collect snails to cook with guava leaves, dip them in fish sauce, lemongrass and chili, pick lotus buds to get seeds to cook sweet soup... oh, I felt comfortable, loved and attached to everything in this place. In the eyes of my friends, Huy was the ideal man: good at studying, progressive, emotional, thoughtful, flexible and knew how to seize opportunities. The two of us went to the same high school in the town, went to university in the city, played together for a long time and became close.

The image of two parallel bicycles in the morning sun, afternoon rain is too familiar in the eyes of our friends. They told me that if I married Huy, I would have white skin, long hair and be pampered because I would definitely not have to work hard to make a living. But did I love Huy? I don't know either. Why wasn't I happy when I received his letter, didn't eagerly wait for him to come, didn't miss him with excitement but... Could it be that the feelings between Huy and I all this time weren't love, or at least on my part. Was I mistaken or am I mistaken?

Huy has always pampered and worried about me since my first year in college. I was always included in his plans for the future. He was determined to stay in the city, work hard to earn a lot of money to buy a house, buy a car and at all costs have a Saigon household registration. He ran around looking for a job so that when I received my degree, left my post here and returned to the city, I would have a job right away... but... what to do now! Only after meeting Bao did I understand what true love was, a heart with magical vibrations directed only towards him.

In my dream, he had a resolute, strong face with bright black eyes as he told me about his life and his dreams: “Linh, please teach here and don’t ask to be transferred back to your hometown. Students in the flood area are pitiful. In the past, I had to walk more than ten kilometers, wading through two canals to get to school every day. I dreamed of making asphalt roads with my own hands, building clean, spacious houses for the people in my hometown, and airy classrooms so that the dirty, moldy children like me could study properly. You are a construction engineer, I am a soul engineer, we can join hands to take care of... the children.” I blushed and avoided his meaningful, earnest gaze.

Every time he came to visit, he brought me candy. Milk candy, orange candy, melon candy, peanut candy... to the point that I had to frown and exclaim:

Do you want Linh to lose her teeth or something that you keep giving her candy?

- I want to let Linh know that in my hometown there is a lot of sweetness. Linh lost her teeth so she wouldn't dare smile at anyone but me.

I pursed my lips and tried to suppress my racing heart. Lying awake at night, my heart was restless and uneasy. I felt like I was lying to Huy, lying to Bao, and most of all, I didn’t dare to face the truth of my heart. There were many ways to explain whether I was faithful or unfaithful. I kept reminding myself: Huy was my lover, Bao was my friend; but deep in my heart, the positions of love and friendship had long since changed.

I still study English diligently, and still chat with Bao with my colleagues every time he comes to visit. I received my university diploma last month but hesitated to tell Huy. I couldn't bear to leave school and leave my class unfinished before the school year ended. Since I was little, I dreamed of becoming a teacher; a gentle and devoted teacher who holds the hand of each little student to correct their crooked and squiggly letters. For nearly twenty years of schooling, from kindergarten to university, there have been many teachers who have taught and guided me to become who I am today. "Remember to return to Saigon as soon as you receive your diploma. The salary is high at your job, and there are opportunities for advancement. I have bought a piece of land in District 4, and will strive to build a house in a few years..." Huy, what's wrong with that?

No one knew how torn I was. I honestly didn’t want to leave school, class, or the gentle students who had learned to wade in the fields before they could read. Everything here was so simple, rustic, and sincere. But how could I tell Huy?

***

Huy came to pick me up after the school year-end ceremony. I bowed my head to avoid the questioning eyes of my colleagues and also to hide the tears that were about to fall. Huy packed everything and put it in his suitcase. I stood there, hesitantly, looking at the bookshelf that didn’t want to let go. This wasn’t a normal summer vacation, but a meaningful farewell. Sitting behind Huy, I kept turning my head to look back. The red dirt road bordered by green cajuput trees narrowed and gradually disappeared, far away behind me.

I have been working at a travel company for over three months now. The salary is high, I have to deal with high-class customers, but I am not happy. I remember what my father said when Huy came to convince him to let me quit teaching and go to work in the city: "You are an adult now, you can decide for yourself about your career, your work, your feelings, as long as you feel peaceful and happy every day. And no matter where you go, what you do, remember to keep your heart."

My father's teachings made me wonder. Whether what I was doing was right or wrong, why was my soul not at peace at all? Every time I passed by a school filled with the laughter of students, I felt as if my students there were looking down sadly and my heart felt heavy. Whenever I smiled brightly when interacting with customers, I suddenly remembered Bao: "...so Linh didn't dare smile at anyone but me."

Today is November 20. Looking at students bustling around the streets buying flowers and choosing gifts, suddenly, I feel like crying. The elegant ao dai, smiling brightly among the beloved students is me from last year. I remember being moved to tears when receiving bouquets of water lilies, hibiscus, bougainvillea, lotus flowers tied with elastic bands with silly wishes on my trembling lips. I sighed and swallowed my sadness. It’s not just me, Huy…there are so many young people like that, clinging to live in the city after graduating to become a redundant person, forgetting the pure dreams, the brilliant aspirations of their youth.

…I drove my bike into the company gate, forcing a smile at the security guard. He didn’t say “Hello Ms. Linh” like usual, but waved his hand to signal: “Wait a moment, teacher”. He hurried into the duty room, took a lovely gift package and a basket of deep red velvet roses and gave them to me.

- I didn't know you were a teacher. A boy came here early this morning and asked me to give these to you.

I held the flowers and gifts, hesitantly asking more questions, but the security guard turned and walked towards the parking lot.

Flowers, whose gift? Huy came to visit and gave me a gift last night. A silk ao dai and a bottle of Chanel No. 5 perfume from France. Could it be… My heart suddenly trembled, aching for a moment. How could he know where I work? I hastily opened the gift package: A transparent crystal box with all kinds of colorful candies and a card with a picture of me drawn by him. On the back of the card was a picture of a group of students holding flowers standing in front of the bamboo school gate, bewilderedly watching the figure of their teacher turning her back and walking towards the end of the road.

Sweet emotions flooded my heart when I saw the shaky, uneven letters: “...the hearts of the people of my hometown, the affection and respect for the poor students, the sincere and passionate love in my heart that is always reserved for you. You told me your dream was to become a teacher, how could you bear to give up your dream. A sensitive and delicate person like you must understand what is most necessary in life. I love you and every moment I wish you would come back.”

I pressed my hand against my chest to slow down my heart, a thought flashed through my mind like a lightning bolt. I immediately called my colleague to ask him to help me with this tour. It was so joyful, so happy to do everything with emotions, with desires and not with reason. The excitement continued with me into the supermarket until the two bags full of candy still hadn’t disappeared. As a gift for someone, there was the short story collection “Unexpectedly to the Heart” by writer Doan Thach Bien that I bought last month. Perhaps Bao came to school to ask for my home address and met my parents, so he knew where I worked; but why didn’t he meet me directly? I vaguely imagined his face, his lovely smile when we met… Huy came to my side without me noticing. I looked at him with wide eyes, startled. He took the two full bags from my hands, worriedly asking:

- Where are you going by taxi? What's the matter that you asked Bich Hang to go on the tour instead? Are you tired or is there something that you didn't tell me?

He put down his bag, put his hand on my forehead to measure my temperature. His caring gesture and worried eyes made me want to cry. I turned my face away from the questioning look in his eyes and whispered:

- I'm fine. I just wanted to go back to visit...my school and my students. I miss them and feel sad...

Huy's forehead wrinkled, he spoke timidly as if he was guilty:

- Yes, I should have understood this before to arrange to take you back. I'm sorry I can't take you back. Come back now, I have some great news for you. Next month you'll fly to America with the company director. I didn't say it, but I think she already sees you as her official assistant. Everything is going well, keep up the good work!

I was silent. The prospect of seeing the Statue of Liberty and the glittering New York City with my own eyes did not excite me. Huy took me to the car and packed my luggage. He carefully took off his coat and put it around my shoulders, smiling lovingly:

- Call me as soon as you get home. Remember to eat carefully and don't skip meals.

I looked back at his shadowy figure blending in with the crowd on the street and suddenly tears welled up in my eyes. I buried my face in my hands and cried silently. What should I do, Huy?

…

The taxi sped past the cajuput forests and sedge fields, giving me the feeling of someone far from home about to set foot in the old house. The car stopped in front of the school gate when the ceremony had just ended. Colleagues and students rushed out to cheer:

- Everyone bet that Linh would not leave her post!

- Everyone was expecting Linh to teach, the students kept asking if Linh had come home yet!

- Linh didn't come back, someone must have turned to stone. Bao came by the school every day, but he hasn't been seen in the last two or three days; I heard he went to work on a dam to prevent floods in Vinh Hung, Tan Hung. Wow, he looks exactly like an Egyptian mummy.

That meant I wouldn’t be able to see him. My heart suddenly ached, spreading into a suffocating pit. I laughed with tears in my eyes, leading a long line of students following me into the dormitory.

***

Afternoon. The sun gradually disappeared behind the horizon, leaving only a red glow like the lingering nostalgia at the end of the day. Saying goodbye to colleagues, students, and school this time was too much for me.

Choking up as I got on the bus, I didn’t dare look at the students I was my homeroom teacher for last year who were standing there crying. “Please don’t leave, teacher!”. “Why don’t you teach us anymore?”. “When will you come back?”... How could I answer them now…

How can I bear it, Linh? How can I leave you forever? I miss every street, every row of trees so much, even though this is not where I was born and raised. With a heavy heart, I stopped and stared blankly at the place where the broken-down cyclo had stopped in the middle of the road a year ago, and in the distance was the neighborhood where the cheerful driver had gone to ask for help to take me back to school. “Watch out! I’m a crook.” You really are a crook. You’ve taken away my heart and my smile.

I covered my face and cried as I got into the car. I longed for someone to call me back. The car started moving. I wiped my tears and looked back one last time. Oh my god, was this real or a dream? A small black dot at the end of my vision was rushing behind the car. Vaguely in the wind I heard someone calling.../.

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