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| Overview of the exchange. Photo: KTH |
At the beginning of the exchange, the author shared that her journey to write the book stemmed from her personal pain when witnessing her son struggling with depression. She emphasized: “Depression is not a choice or a sign of weakness. What patients need most is patience, understanding and a safe space from their family.”
The book is not only a synthesis of 500 international studies but also specific situations and words of encouragement for parents to "stay" with their children during the darkest days. Dr. Nguyen Thi Hang Phuong (Faculty ofEducational Psychology, University of Education, University of Danang) deeply analyzes the challenges in identifying and supporting depressed children in Vietnam. "Many parents still mistakenly think that depression is an "invisible disease", leading to impatient or imposing reactions. Instead of trying to fix it, learn to listen, understand and empower your children," Dr. Nguyen Thi Hang Phuong advised.
From a professional and practical perspective, Mr. Hoang Quoc Quyen, Director of Hope School, analyzed to show everyone that children react like that only to convey the message "I lack love". There is only one way to deal with this, which is to dare to quit work to spend time with your children. Love in understanding and persistently talk and communicate with your children, not pamper them. Mr. Quyen told a touching story: "I have met many cases where children refuse to communicate, cry silently every night because they have lost their parents. Many children choose to hurt themselves. Their actions only want to convey the message "Please love me!". Only when they feel accepted and loved unconditionally, will their mental wounds gradually heal."
Ms. Ngo Phuong Thao, Director of Anbooks, asked a touching question: “During the journey with your son, have you ever felt exhausted, and what did you do to overcome it?”. In response to this question, Associate Professor, Dr. Nguyen Phuong Hoa shared: “There are days when I am so tired that I want to give up, but I understand that I cannot. I have learned to love myself more, only when I heal myself, will I have enough patience to be with my child. Sometimes, I spend time reading books, going for a walk, or simply sitting quietly. That helps me regain balance and continue the journey.”
One of the interesting things in that exchange was when the author revealed the "mantra" that she and her son often recite together in difficult times:
"It doesn't matter what
No matter what, it doesn't matter.
Do nothing
No matter what you do, it won't work.
The “mantra” sounds simple but contains a powerful message: Nothing is permanent, every negative event or emotional state will pass.
According to Ms. Ngo Phuong Thao, depression is a disease like any other, and can be treated. The important thing is that we must be brave enough to accept it, face it, and not blame ourselves or each other because depression also has biological causes, not because parents do not love or care enough for their children. Associate Professor, Dr. Nguyen Thi Phuong Hoa analyzed: “Many families carry the burden of guilt, thinking that they are the cause of their children's suffering. This unintentionally creates more pressure for both the patient and their companion. Let's get rid of that prejudice - depression is not a sin, but an opportunity for us to learn how to love properly."
The author and the journey of the "healing manual" Associate Professor, Dr. Nguyen Thi Phuong Hoa, a psychologist trained in Russia and France, former Director of the Institute of Psychology and Communication, has devoted all her heart to writing the book as a companion for families with depressed relatives. Unlike her two previous works (There is a pain called depression, When the dark clouds come), this book combines personal experience with international scientific research, referring to more than 500 updated sources. She shared: “I want parents to understand that depression is not the end. With patience and empowerment, we can help our loved ones find the light again.” The content of the book emphasizes the paradox: Depressed people do not completely “lose motivation”, but have extraordinary inner strength to recover if given a safe space. |
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Source: https://baodanang.vn/channel/5433/202505/lan-toa-thong-diep-yeu-thuong-4007891/
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