A shift in the marriage customs of the Hmong people.

With lavish wedding ceremonies, Hmong couples begin their new lives after the ceremony, burdened with debt. As a new way of life arrives, dispelling the cumbersome and outdated customs of the past, post-marriage life in the Hmong community is gradually changing.

The bride and groom in Pù Nhi commune (Mường Lát district) wore traditional Hmong costumes.

Feeling dizzy and lightheaded from... thanking everyone.

No one knows exactly when it started, but Hmong weddings have become a sad, recurring theme. According to the belief that "a buffalo cannot marry a cow," Hmong people must marry other Hmong people. Many young men and women, still in their formative years, are forced into marriage, entangled in consanguineous marriages and burdened with countless tragic consequences. And stories of diseases caused by genetic mutations have devastated countless homes in this remote, highland region.

Mr. Lau Minh Po, former Standing Deputy Secretary of the Muong Lat District Party Committee, recounted the story with weary sighs. He said that child marriage and consanguineous marriage were the visible issues, widely known, but the wedding customs of the Mong people in Muong Lat in the past were very complicated, wasteful, and even led to many absurd and comical situations. For example, wedding ceremonies that lasted overnight, with lavish feasts, and the groom having to bow in gratitude...

The story goes that when the groom arrives at the bride's house to pick her up, regardless of size or value, he must kneel and bow once to express his gratitude for any wedding gift he receives. He bows once for a blanket, once for a mat, once for a scarf... but if he receives money in an envelope, he must bow twice, whether it's 10,000 or 20,000 dong. If the bride's family is poor and gives fewer gifts, the groom doesn't have to endure the backache and knee pain. But if the family is well-off, the groom will feel dizzy and disoriented from kneeling. Even now, many Hmong men in Quan Son and Muong Lat still vividly remember their wedding day, a bittersweet memory.

Mr. Lau Minh Po experienced the same thing, even though the story happened more than 40 years ago. “After kneeling to express my gratitude, when I stood up, I lost my sense of direction, sweat poured down me, and I had to lean against the wall for a long time. No one can avoid feeling dizzy and lightheaded after kneeling to express their gratitude. Some people, after kneeling, couldn't stand steady and fell, hitting their heads on the wooden wall and bleeding,” Mr. Po said.

It's understandable. The Hmong groom has been busy preparing for the wedding for many days, then entertaining friends and guests with boisterous feasts and drinks for days on end. When picking up the bride, they usually arrive at the bride's house around 3 PM to perform rituals that last all night and into the morning, then continue drinking until the following afternoon. After going through all that, they are exhausted and their eyes are tired. By the time they kneel to express their gratitude, the grooms are often dizzy, disoriented, and even fall to the ground – this is quite common.

According to Mr. Lau Minh Po, the elaborate wedding customs of the Hmong people include lavish feasts for relatives that last all night and day. Young people gather to compete in drinking contests, leading to arguments and fights, requiring intervention from relatives. Some wedding-related disturbances are so serious that the police have to get involved. In the jungle, families work tirelessly for years, saving up a buffalo or cow as capital, only to lose it all because of the wedding. And the story ultimately boils down to poverty. Many Hmong couples, after getting married, find themselves with huge debts instead of happiness...

Advocating for change

The campaign to encourage the Hmong people to adopt civilized customs in weddings and funerals has been organized and implemented by Party committees and authorities in Hmong-inhabited areas for many terms. Each locality has its own approach, but they all share a common point: the strong involvement of Party committees, authorities, the Fatherland Front, political and social organizations, and border guards. In particular, the exemplary role of cadres, Party members, influential individuals, and clan leaders is emphasized.

Quan Son District has three Mong ethnic minority villages located along a 12km border in Na Meo and Son Thuy communes, comprising 217 households and 1,058 inhabitants. Propaganda and mobilization efforts to encourage the people to adopt civilized practices in weddings and funerals have been intensified since 2017 following Resolution No. 07-NQ/HU of the District Party Committee on strengthening ideological work, rapidly changing outdated farming practices and living habits among the people; promoting the beautiful cultural identity of ethnic minorities, aiming to boost socio -economic development and soon make Quan Son a prosperous district. In this resolution, the Quan Son District Party Committee identified manifestations of outdated ideology, production practices, and living habits to focus on changing and eliminating them. These include cumbersome, wasteful, and extravagant weddings and funerals; and the failure to seriously comply with the law and implement village regulations. Getting drunk and causing public disorder... Subsequently, in implementing Conclusion No. 684-KL/TU dated December 10, 2021, of the Standing Committee of the Provincial Party Committee on strengthening mass mobilization work in the Mong ethnic minority areas of Thanh Hoa province, 2021-2025 period, the Party committees and authorities of Quan Son district have implemented the construction of effective mass mobilization models, promoting the pioneering and exemplary role of cadres and Party members, especially the heads of Party committees and organizations, and emphasizing the role of influential people and clan leaders of the Mong ethnic minority in encouraging people to change their way of thinking and doing things.

In the village of Mùa Xuân (Sơn Thủy commune), the Party branch, the village management board, commune officials, border guards, and clan leaders went to each house to propagate and encourage the people to adopt civilized customs in weddings and funerals, as well as actively develop the economy and achieve sustainable poverty reduction. The target audience mainly consists of young people preparing for marriage and heads of households. The village Party Secretary and Head, Sung Văn Cấu, said: “To date, weddings in the village are organized simply, without lavish feasts lasting many days. This has been included in the village's regulations for each household to follow. Consanguineous marriages no longer occur.”

Officials from Muong Ly commune (Muong Lat district) and border guards are educating the Mong ethnic group on adopting civilized customs in wedding ceremonies.

In Muong Lat district, the work of disseminating information and mobilizing the Mong people to adopt a civilized lifestyle in wedding ceremonies has received active participation from officials, Party members, heads of Party committees and government, influential figures, and clan leaders within the Mong community. Since becoming the Standing Deputy Secretary of the Muong Lat District Party Committee, Mr. Lau Minh Po has dedicated much time to directly supervising the dissemination of information and mobilization of the Mong people to adopt a civilized lifestyle. From 2020 to the present, even after retirement, as an influential figure with a deep understanding of Mong culture, he has actively participated with the Party branches and village management boards, going to each house to explain the customs to the people. He explains each custom and ritual in the wedding, advising which rituals should be kept and which should be abandoned to suit the new way of life. In particular, the story about a nighttime wedding where the groom has to kneel and bow to thank each person who gave wedding gifts should be abandoned... For him, the most important thing about a wedding is that the couple should be happy, not burdened with the worry of paying off debts.

Mr. Lau Minh Po recounted: “Young people were very enthusiastic and wanted change, but they didn't dare to go ahead because they still had to listen to the elders. After that, we mobilized the heads of the clans to join in the propaganda and encouragement. Now, Hmong weddings are organized more efficiently, shortened to half a day or even just one day, and especially no longer held at night. The groom also only offers a few symbolic bows of thanks.”

In an effort to put an end to the exorbitant dowry demands that once occurred, the heads of the Hmong clans in Pu Nhi commune, Nhi Son district, discussed and agreed on wedding gifts for the groom's family. Accordingly, at the wedding, the groom's family only brings 1.7 million VND, a pig weighing about 50kg, and 10 liters of wine as gifts.

“In previous years, the practice of demanding dowry was quite common. Some families demanded more, others less, but it usually required 30 silver ingots, buffaloes, cows, pigs, chickens… causing considerable difficulties for the groom's family, especially those in difficult circumstances. Specifying and applying a common dowry requirement has helped save money for families,” Mr. Pó said.

These civilized, economical, and safe weddings have brought true happiness to Hmong couples in their married life. During many trips to the border regions, I have seen their bright smiles under their spacious wooden houses. A particularly special case is that of Hmong girl Ho Thi Do (born in 1997) from Ca Noi village, Pu Nhi commune (Muong Lat district), who overcame the prejudice that Hmong must marry Hmong to marry Pham Van Duc, a Thai ethnic man from Xuan Thanh village, Son Thuy commune (Quan Son district). They now have two healthy children and a spacious house filled with laughter...

"To date, most weddings among the Mong ethnic minority in Muong Lat have been organized according to new, civilized, economical, and safe customs. This has contributed to economic development and poverty reduction in the district."

Lo Thi Thiet - Head of the Culture and Information Department of Muong Lat District

Text and photos: Do Duc

Source: https://baothanhhoa.vn/buoc-chuyen-trong-viec-cuoi-cua-dong-bao-mong-222420.htm