Parent-child conflicts are not only about "chatting with friends for hours, talking to parents for two sentences is tiring", young people also apply the "blocking river and banning market" style: blocking Facebook with parents, relatives... making the distance even greater.
Some young people block their parents on Facebook because they are afraid that their parents will follow their personal pages - Photo: MAY TRANG
While chatting happily with a group of colleagues, Hong Nhi (23 years old, marketing staff) saw a new notification on Facebook. "Big sister" - her mother - commented under the photo her daughter posted: "Where are you going again?"
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Last time, when she was commenting back and forth with her friends, her mother came in and asked, "Why are you staying up so late?". Sometimes she would ask, "What's wrong?", leaving her at a loss for how to respond.
Especially Facebook statuses like "want to go far away", or playful ones like "deserves to have 10 lovers"... Even virtual trends that she likes like "sleep for 5 days and 5 nights" make her mother uneasy.
Young people use Facebook but do not want to be friends with their parents and relatives because they are afraid of being "scrutinized" - Photo: MAY TRANG
At first, Nhi was happy that her mother cared. Gradually, she felt shy and felt that her mother considered her a child. If she did not answer, the next day during the call, her mother would wonder and ask about the photos.
That was a year ago. Now, Nhi has blocked her mother on Facebook. "I also blocked my father, my younger brother, and my cousins. Whenever Facebook suggests friending familiar faces, I block them," she said.
When she was a student, she did not "impulsively" block Facebook like that, because she was afraid of being scolded. Having a stable job and growing up, she gradually "escaped" her parents' monitoring.
She explained: "It's not that I'm hiding anything. It's just that on Facebook we use Gen Z words and images, post "thoughtful" poems to have something to chat about...".
But her parents thought it was a problem, thinking that she was very sad or had a broken heart. When she said she was fine, she received advice to focus on her work and not be miserable all her life.
Nhi said that when her parents discovered that their beloved daughter had blocked them from Facebook, they were very upset. She felt happy when there was no longer a "rice-powered" camera scanning her Facebook.
The reason she doesn't add her relatives as Facebook friends is because she's afraid of being noticed. When they meet her, everyone will ask her questions and gossip about her erratic statuses.
I give up because my child is "hiding" online and in real life.
Nhi's case did not affect family relationships much, but it was different for Ms. T. Ha and Mr. Van (living in Go Vap district, Ho Chi Minh City).
Both working in the aviation industry, with stable finances , the couple has a son who they are praying for. When he was young, wherever she went, he never left her side.
As we grow older, the mother-child relationship gradually fades away. Many times, we sit down and examine ourselves to see if there are any shortcomings in the way we raise our children.
"But apart from the little things like being overly concerned about our children's eating, sleeping, and walking habits, my husband and I are confident that we are role models in loving our children," she confided.
On the other hand, my child is a good student and independent. But somehow, the connection and warmth are no longer there. My child limits talking to his parents, from direct communication to phone calls and Facebook and Zalo applications.
My brother and sister sent me a Facebook friend request, but I didn't accept it. They have to set my profile to friends to see it.
Sometimes when I come home late or go on a business trip, my siblings call to ask how I am, but I rarely answer the phone. I explain that I only use Zalo, and when my parents call, the network has problems. If I want to call, I have to tell them not to turn off the ringer.
She said: "Many times I gently asked my child if he didn't like to hear it. He answered lightly that his parents shouldn't pay too much attention. Faced with his attitude, my husband and I had to comfort each other, probably because of the generation gap."
Gradually, she realized that it was her child's reflex. The more she cared, the more she withdrew. Sometimes, she didn't read the messages because she was busy studying, but she saw that she was still online.
I came home late, my sister sent me dozens of messages but after a long time I indifferently replied. When I got home, I rushed into my room and closed the door.
At the end of high school, I became less talkative and "locked up" in my room. I only spoke up when it was absolutely necessary, like money to buy something...
Whenever the family gathered, she tried to ask questions, but her son was absent-minded, staring at his phone. When she asked about his friends, he was startled and answered vaguely or gave vague answers. She only knew vaguely about his best friend, and if something happened, she didn't know who to ask.
"Looking at it, the mother-child relationship seems normal. But the child is becoming more and more distant," she said.
Likewise, Mr. Sang's daughter (living in Binh Thanh District) is haunted every time she sees her parents' calls and messages on her phone. She is afraid that her parents will question and interrogate her.
You even blocked my Facebook, and when asked, you said you don't use it anymore. But I know you still contact your friends through these apps.
There were days after school, I didn't want him to pick me up and I booked a motorbike taxi myself. Several times he asked for my best friend's phone number but I made excuses not to give it to him.
There is a family Zalo group but the child is "invisible"
With the Zalo family group, including grandparents, Nhi just quietly "seen" (read messages, viewed photos). Or at most she sent happy birthday icons when Zalo notified.
According to Nhi, the chat group is where she sees the photos her grandparents and parents sent her. Her younger brother also rarely appears in this group full of "old people".
Source: https://tuoitre.vn/khong-chi-noi-chuyen-nhat-gung-con-cai-chan-luon-facebook-ba-me-cho-troi-yen-bien-lang-20241206112712685.htm
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