Fan Xiaotong, a middle school student from Shanghai, enjoys sharing everything with his parents, from stressing about exams to eating something delicious.
However, the “parents” she was contacting were not actually her biological family, and Fan did not even know their real names, only that they were a couple who owned a Douyin channel (Chinese TikTok) that created content for raising children.
Fan became such a devoted fan that he considered them his parents because of their positive, affectionate parenting style - the kind he never experienced at home.
She knew that her “parents” barely knew who she was and that they often did not reply to her messages. But Fan did not care, she enjoyed the feeling of sharing her feelings with them and the thrill of occasionally receiving encouraging replies.
Fan is not alone. The number of channels creating parenting content on Chinese social media has increased recently, but the audience for this content is often not parents looking for advice, but young adults.
Many young people feel disconnected from their parents and see these content creators as a substitute source of family affection. Like Fan, I see these people as my parents, pouring out my feelings through text messages.
Channel account that the girl Fan follows
“Online Parents”
Fan, a middle school student, said she felt emotionally distant from her biological parents, who divorced several years ago. She then lived with her father for a while and then moved back in with her mother.
However, Fan still felt strange being with her mother after such a long time apart. She did not feel like her mother really listened to her when she confided in her about her anxiety, thinking she was just exaggerating.
Fan then discovered a Douyin channel. The couple has been attracting viewers with their cute videos documenting daily interactions between parents and children. What’s more, the couple always chooses love over traditional parenting methods and discipline.
One clip that impressed fans the most was when they sent a sincere apology to their child for putting pressure on him to try to find a stable, secure job.
Such content is “exposed” by many people as acting and not necessarily true. However, the emotional tone and message have hit the psychology of many viewers, including Fan, who long for love.
“It's like finding a new way to get emotional support that you can't get in real life,” said Fan.
Screenshot from clip of couple dancing under lights to apologize to their child
The pain gradually increased.
As time goes by, the “online parent” trend continues to grow. A host of other middle-aged couples have taken to similar channels to share their parent-child relationships. And they’re also looking for engagement and followers.
Zhang Peixian, 35, has also taken on some TikTok parenting content creators as “online parents.” Like Fan, she sees it as a form of comfort to help make up for the lack of attention she felt as a child.
Zhang’s childhood home was not a happy one. Zhang said her father often beat her mother, and she never developed a close relationship with either of them. That’s why she found the cheerful smiles of her “online parents” so endearing. “I’ve never seen my mother smile like that in my entire life,” she said.
Wu, a 43-year-old mother of two sons, started creating content about her family life a few months ago and has attracted more than 70,000 followers on Xiaohongshu.
Many of her followers have dubbed her an “online parent,” and Wu now receives dozens of messages a day, many of them from children struggling with mental health issues and traumatic family situations.
Their stories often shocked Wu: One boy said his father only allowed him to shower at certain times and would beat him if he disobeyed; a girl said her parents pushed her to study for hours every day, despite knowing she had been diagnosed with a congenital heart disorder. On multiple occasions, Wu received messages from followers saying they planned to take their own lives.
“The emergence of ‘online parents’ is a very sad thing for society, because people only turn to parents in the online world when their real parents fail to fulfill their role,” Wu said.
Wu responds to all messages she receives whenever possible. She believes her fans are trying to find positive change in their lives. “Change can happen if they are listened to and given feedback,” she said.
Screenshot of the account “online parents”
For Yu Zehao, a psychotherapist in Wuhan, “online parents” are on the rise because they fill a common void in many children’s emotional lives. While many Chinese parents typically focus on teaching their children discipline, “online parents” offer emotional support.
“We are taught to be an individual who conforms to the requirements of society, like a cog in a machine, because parents believe that if children do not follow certain rules, they may encounter misfortune in the future,” Yu said.
But Yu is concerned about this trend: While “online parenting” can be comforting, especially for young people facing serious emotional challenges, it also risks disconnecting people from reality.
Then there are the risks children face when forming close relationships with strangers online. What if their “online parents” aren’t who they say they are?
In late February, a parenting influencer with more than 100,000 followers on Xiaohongshu was suddenly locked out of her account, sparking outrage and speculation. It’s not clear what happened, but many fans assumed that the posts, written from the perspective of a father raising a teenage daughter, were actually written by the daughter herself.
But Fan, 13, doesn’t seem to mind that her “online parents” might be impostors. “The important thing is that they bring me some psychological benefit,” she said.
Source: Sixth Tone
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